


Escaping Fate

by honEy D (nitori_chan_san)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Hate to Love, JaeYong are roommates, JohnYuSol friendship, M/M, Red String of Fate, Slow Burn, commitment issues, consequences of ignoring fate, mentions of dojae, slight 2tae, taeyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-01 22:53:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitori_chan_san/pseuds/honEy%20D
Summary: When the red string appeared around his neck, Yuta knew that he was doomed. Gone would be his freedom and independency. Wasn't that’s how it always went? Well, he was definitely not willing to give up his dreams just like that.Taeyong discovered the red string around his wrist when he was practicing. But instead of happiness the only thing that ran through his mind was panic. There was no way he was letting fate ruin even more than it had already done in his life.Two 21-year-old guys who have no interest in a relationship or soulmate whatsoever, end up being paired together by fate. Can they make it work or is it destined to fail?





	1. Kismet

**Author's Note:**

> kismet means fate, destiny

Yuta woke up with a bolt, his body covered in cold sweat. He was breathing heavily, chest going up and down in a rapid tempo as he sat upright in his bed. He quickly pinched his arm to confirm he was truly awake, after which he let himself fall back on his pillow with an arm covering his eyes.

He hated it when that happened. Nightmares weren’t new for him, but he would never really get used to it.

When he had calmed down slightly, Yuta turned over and pushed the home button of his phone to see the time.

5:24 AM.

Yuta let out a frustrated groan and put on the light. To get his mind off of the nightmare, he picked up his headphones and put them on. The slow R&B beats of his favorite playlist felt like a relief. Music was always something that could make him feel better.

He quickly stood up and walked to his sink, phone still in his hands. Since he was still a student, he lived alone in a room in one of the dorms on campus. Yuta shivered as a sudden image of his nightmare came to mind and disrupted his calm thoughts. It was as if he could still feel the mysterious man’s hands around his neck.

He splashed some water in his face and dried it with a towel. When he looked in the mirror automatically, he immediately dropped the towel, taking two full steps backwards. His hands went to his neck.

It was obviously there. Yuta quickly turned away from his reflection, not really believing what he had just seen. This couldn’t be true right? Why _now_ of all times? Yuta felt a cold shiver run down his spine and a sinking feeling filled his stomach.

It had appeared.

The red string of fate along with the name of his soulmate. It should have been a beautiful moment wherein you realized that your true love isn’t far away. But Yuta didn’t even feel a spark of happiness. He’d rather rip it off his neck if he could.

When Fate decided both partners were ready for it and when it was time to meet each other, the red string would appear somewhere on your body with the name of your soulmate above it. It happened to everyone once in a lifetime. It could be when you were sixteen or sixty, but there was no escape from it. When it appeared, you knew you would meet your soulmate soon. Many thought of it as a gift, but Yuta didn’t. He was originally Japanese and had spent a large part of his life there seeing many people give up their dreams for their soulmate. Especially women. He loved his father dearly, but he knew his mother was the one who had made most of the sacrifices.

Yuta refused to live that way. He didn’t want to sacrifice his life just so he could be ‘happily in love’. He also didn’t want anyone else to do that for him. He was happy leading his life as it was. He didn’t need a relationship and especially not a soulmate.

When he had calmed down slightly, Yuta took a deep breath and turned towards the mirror again. There was nothing he could change about the fact that it was there. And there was no reason to postpone reading the name of his soulmate.

He leaned over the sink, turning his neck a bit closer towards the mirror so that he could read the name. Carefully he let the name slip off his tongue.

“Taeyong.”

The first thought going through his mind was that his soulmate was a guy. His mother would be a bit disappointed with that, since a guy couldn’t give her the grandchildren she had always wanted, but Yuta was kind of glad. Maybe it was even easier to tell a guy off than a girl.

Yuta walked back to his bed and sat down with a sigh. He had no idea what to do. Should he call someone to tell them what happened or should he just cover it up, keeping it a secret. He cursed in Japanese. Why did it have to be his neck? Anywhere else would have been a better place, really.

He lay down on his bed again and with a frustrated sigh he pulled the covers up to his chin. He closed his eyes. After a few minutes he felt his panic slowly fade and he even tried to sleep again.

Eventually he _did_ fall asleep and he woke up a few minutes before his alarm would go off. Yuta didn't waste any time and quickly stood up to immediately make his way to the mirror, hoping it had all been part of the terrible nightmare.

But it wasn’t. The red string was still around his neck and the name ‘Taeyong’ seemed even more prominent than it had looked before.

He quickly went to the toilet and dressed in a simple white T-shirt and black shorts. Then he grabbed his phone and thought for a moment about telling someone or not. But as on instinct his finger hovered above the name of his best friend.

He quickly tapped the name and started to write a message.

 **Yuta** :  _can we meet up before class? Something happened._

Yuta let out a sigh. A few minutes later his phone buzzed.

 **Hansol:** _What happened?! Of course we can. Tell me a time and place and I’ll be there._

Yuta smiled sadly. This was how Hansol always was. He was exactly one of those people who would do anything for their soulmate when they found them. It was one of his stronger and weaker sides at the same time. Yuta shot a glance at the time.

 **Yuta _:_** _starbucks at 9? Thanks, what would I do without you_  ❤

 **Hansol:** _that’s okay, but you’re scaring me Yu. If it’s really serious I can just come to your place._

 **Yuta _:_** _no, no it’s all right. Don’t worry too much, K?_

 **Hansol:**   _okay then, see ya laterz. Be careful._

Yuta threw his phone back on his bed. Hansol was really too good to be true. He would be sure to let the other know that once he saw him.

He used the remaining forty minutes to get ready and watch some new music videos that came out that morning. He scribbled down some that he liked and disliked. A few months ago, Yuta had decided on writing reviews for freshly released albums and songs for fun. He had been able to post them on a few sites already, being praised by his good balance between objective elements and subjective views. The ones that didn’t make it on the websites, he put in his own blog. It was a nice way to spend his free time.

When it was a quarter to 9 Yuta put on one of his chokers, took his bag and headed out.

It didn't take him long to reach Starbucks and Hansol was waiting outside already, waving at him. Yuta greeted his friend with a short hug.

“You okay?” was the first thing Hansol asked him as they walked into the café.

“Not really, but I’ll tell you in a minute,” Yuta answered with a half-smile. He was glad that it wasn’t packed and they were able to get their coffees quite quickly. Yuta a latté with honey and Hansol a mocha cappuccino. They sat down by the window and Yuta looked outside.

“Yuta can you please tell me what’s going on? I’m getting quite worried here,” Hansol asked him calmly, but with a demanding edge to it. He sounded so genuinely concerned that Yuta couldn’t help but think how he had deserved a friend like that.

Yuta looked left and right. Then his hands moved behind his neck and he undid his choker. He carefully watched Hansol’s reaction when he let the black accessory drop on the table. The other's expression went from confusion to shock.

“This is what happened,” Yuta said with a frown.

“Oh…” was all Hansol said. He was obviously more than surprised. “Shit Yuta, I’m sorry, I know how much you hate it.” There was a little pity in his voice, but Yuta didn’t mind. Hansol leaned over the table and read the name that was above the string.  

“So Taeyong it is… I’m not surprised your soulmate is a guy though. You always liked men better.”

Yuta let out a frustrated sigh and laid his head on the table. “I know…” Then after a short silence, “What should I do? I’m not- I have no idea what to do with it and I’m  _definitely_ not ready for this.”

“Hey," Hansol tried to comfort him, "I know it sucks, but it was bound to happen eventually. Just let it all happen naturally and decide for yourself what you want to do. I’m sorry, I can’t really give you advice on this one, Yu.”

Yuta smiled from his lying position. “I know, but thanks for trying.”

“You probably don’t want to hear this, but… it suits you.”

Yuta sat up straight again and took a sip of his coffee, letting the liquid warm his body. He looked at Hansol with a confused expression. “What does?”

“The red string. I actually haven’t really seen it on someone’s neck before. It looks good on you.” And he shot Yuta a smile. The latter touched the string unconsciously.

“I still hate it. Why that spot of all places?”

“Maybe the universe just likes chokers on you.”

“Oh shut up, Hansol.” But Yuta already felt a little better. He had made the right decision by telling his fiend.

Hansol probably saw the hidden smile and flicked Yuta’s forehead gently, but teasingly.

“And you know I’m always here to be your backup soulmate.”

Yuta grinned and kicked him under the table. “Yes, yes, don’t worry. You’re more of a soulmate than anyone could ever be anyway. I’m more worried about you leaving me when you find yours.”

“Well, unlike you, I really look forward getting to know my soulmate. That doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends though... You know that,” Hansol said rather seriously.

“Yeah I know.” Then Yuta leaned back in his chair. “It still feels so unreal. It’s like fate decided, at the most random part in my life, the moment I actually have no need for anything, like, ‘Hey yuta, let’s stir up your life a little, shall we?’”

Hansol drank his coffee and rested his head on his hands, his elbows leaning on the table. “I’m sure there’s a reason for that. Just wait a little before coming to conclusions, okay? It doesn’t have to be as bad as you think.”

Yuta let his head fall back and looked at the ceiling. Hansol could be right, but that wasn’t the problem with this soulmate thing at all. Of course this Taeyong could be beautiful or nice or maybe both. No, his problem lay with the expectations that were associated with being soulmates. It was so against his principles. And he’d rather be alone than going against those principles. They made Yuta proud of who he was and no one, not even this Taeyong, could change that.

 

* * *

 

“Taeyong, come out of there!” Jaehyun said rather loudly while knocking on the bathroom door. When there was no reaction, he added more softly, “You won’t get it off.”

Taeyong listened to his friend from behind the door while holding a pair of scissors. He desperately tried to cut the red string around his wrist that had appeared just minutes ago.

Normally Taeyong would describe himself as a rational person. He was calm and intelligent, something he was proud of. However, all of that rationality had disappeared as soon as his red string of fate had appeared. It was like his mind went blank and all he should do was trying to get rid of it.

“Just leave me alone for a while, please,” Taeyong said through gritted teeth. The string didn’t budge in the slightest. It wouldn’t work. Nothing worked. Not even the scissors. He let out a frustrated yell as he threw the scissors on the ground.

“I’m not leaving until you open that door, Tae,” Jaehyun said calmly. Taeyong took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door, surprising his blond friend and roommate in the process. He walked right past him and sat down on the couch angrily, his head in his hands.

“You were right, it doesn’t come off.”

Jaehyun sighed and walked towards his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder. “You’re making it worse than it actually is.” Taeyong lifted his head and looked at Jaehyun.

“I’m not.  _This,_ ” and he pointed to his wrist, “this is the biggest joke of the universe. It’s everything I despise. I never asked for this and never wanted it in the first place.” Then he looked at the coffee table in front of him. “If people think I’m going to fall in love with someone just because my wrist tells me to, they’re wrong. I decide how to live my life on my own. Fate can go fuck itself.”

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun tried, “because of what happened to your parents… it doesn’t mean it will happen to you as well.”

“Don’t start about that,” Taeyong warned. If there was something he didn’t want to think about, it would be his parents. Jaehyun pinched the bridge of his nose and it was quiet for a moment.

“What’s their name?” Jaehyun tried carefully. He didn’t want to anger Taeyong any further, but now was the time to talk about this. All he knew was that it wouldn’t be good for the other to bottle up his frustrations.

“Why does it matter?”

“Just tell me, Taeyong.”

Taeyong grunted something, but held up his wrist so that Jaehyun could see.

“Yuta, huh? Sounds foreign.”

“Japanese probably,” Taeyong answered as he stood up and walked to the fridge. He took out a can of coke and took a gulp from it. Then he leaned back against the machine. “I don’t know what to do. I mean, what if this guy is really keen on the idea of having a soulmate?” He looked down. “I’m not a bad person, Jae, I just don’t want this.”

After his words he couldn’t help but think about the past. How his parents fought all the time, how his mother cried and most of all how his father left them when he was twelve. It was not the kind of love ‘fate’ should have brought. It was a nightmare. Nobody understood why it turned out like that, but everyone looked at their family like they were weird. And why not? The red string of fate was a bringer of love, a guarantee for happiness...

But not for Taeyong. If his mother and father could’ve been happy, if his father wouldn’t have left them for another woman, if Fate hadn’t interfered, everything would have been fine. Hell, he probably would have welcomed his soulmate with open arms.

“Of course you’re not a bad person, everybody knows that. Look I get why you don’t believe in this soulmate stuff, but isn’t it worth giving it a try?” Jaehyun reasoned.

Taeyong didn’t like the hopeful look Jaehyun was giving him, but couldn’t blame him. His friend already had a soulmate and it was love just as the schoolbooks told them. He and Doyoung were a perfect couple and Taeyong would be the last person to doubt the love they felt for each other. He just knew such a life wasn’t destined for him.

“I’m not making the same mistake,” Taeyong said stubbornly, “and I’ll prove everyone that I can find love on my own. I don’t need help with that.”

“Ah you’re too stubborn. What to do with you,” Jaehyun huffed and went through his hair with his hand. He still shot him a reassuring look. “I’ll be there for you either way, don’t worry.”

And Taeyong wouldn’t doubt that for a second. He and Jaehyun had been close ever since middle school. At this moment they lived together until they would both earn enough to afford their own apartment. Jaehyun worked part-time as a postman while following a Mandarin course and Taeyong worked as a dance instructor at a local dance school. He was happy enough leading his life like this.

There would be no place for someone else and especially not his ‘destined’ soulmate. Taeyong couldn’t help but feel bad for this Yuta though. It wasn’t his fault that Taeyong felt this way. But it was a subject that he wouldn’t change his mind about, no matter how sweet or handsome the other was.

Taeyong looked at his wrist and traced his fingers over the name. Of course he was kind of curious who this guy was. But he reminded himself that it didn’t matter, because he had no interest in getting to know him.

It felt so unreal that he had discovered the string some twenty minutes ago, while he was just choreographing a new dance.

He remembered just staring at it in shock after which a full-on panic had spread through his chest. It was literally as if his world had come crashing down at that moment.  It still felt a bit like that. He only hoped it wouldn’t affect his dancing due to the negative connotation. He swallowed heavily.

“You okay?” Jaehyun asked him worryingly.

Taeyong smiled tiredly. “No, I’m not. I feel like crying to be honest.”

“You know what,” Jaehyun began, “I met Taeil last Friday and I promised him we would meet up soon. What do you say? Wanna go see a movie? I’ll pay. I’m free today anyway.”

Taeyong looked at his friend with a frown. “I don’t know if I-“

“Please? It’ll be good for you and maybe you can forget a bit about all of this. And Taeil said he missed you.”

“It’s eleven am. On a Monday. That’s kind of weird, don’t you think?”

Jaehyun just grinned in return. “At least it won’t be busy. And I’m sure Taeil is up for it as well. Since he’s working on his thesis, he doesn’t have any classes anymore.”

Taeyong thought for a moment. He had absolutely no energy to do anything right now. However, Jaehyun was right, it wouldn’t be too terrible to try to forget the recent happenings for a while. And it really _had_ been a long time since he had last seen Taeil.

“Fine. As long as you're paying. Just let me change into something with long sleeves and we can be on our way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading through to the end! I really hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you thought about it in a comment:)  
> Since I'm quite knew to fanfic writing, my writing style can be a bit all over the place, but practice makes perfect I guess;) Also my English isn't the best.  
> As you've probably noticed this is going to be a multiple chapter fic and I hope I can update as soon as possible. 
> 
> see you next time (hopefully)  
> ~HonEy D ^-^/


	2. Mutual Agreement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much for all the kudos and comment on the first chapter. I never expected it and It really motivated me more!<3  
> I really hope you guys like the new chapter^-^

Taeyong walked through the streets tiredly. He had just finished practicing with his dance crew and had given a hip-hop masterclass to some high schoolers. It had been fun, but exhausting at the same time. It didn’t help that he had barely slept last night. Taeyong smiled to himself. Despite all the soulmate crap, he had a good time with Taeil and Jaehyun yesterday. Before he knew it, it had been four am.

Since his dance school didn’t have any shower facilities, Taeyong felt a little self-conscious because of his hair sticking to his forehead and his back still damp from sweating so much. Luckily he was wearing a black sweater over his shirt, so hopefully nobody would notice.

As he was walking, he couldn’t help but think about the things that had happened yesterday. He shot a quick look at his wrist. Curiosity certainly was an annoying human trait. Taeyong wondered, if this Yuta really _was_ Japanese, it would be possible that the guy wanted to leave to his home country one day. Maybe he could even persuade the guy to leave. He quickly shook his head. Nothing would ever be  _that_ easy.

What Taeyong knew for sure, was that he was not going to let fate decide who he could love. He would prove the world that fate wasn’t written in stone and that it _could_ be wrong. His mother failed to do that, but he wouldn’t.

Suddenly, in the mass of people, he saw a card fall out of someone’s back pocket. The guy hadn’t even noticed and Taeyong bowed down to pick it up. It was an ID card. Taeyong looked up and saw the guy almost disappearing from his sight. With a sigh and an ‘You’re such a good person Taeyong’, he started running after him.

When he finally reached the stranger, he tapped him lightly on the shoulder. “Uh hey! You lost your ID card.”

The stranger jumped at the touch and turned around. And in that short moment Taeyong’s eyes fell on the guy’s neck and the name that was above the bright red string that run around it.

The stranger smiled at him and bowed slightly. “Ah thank you so much, I didn’t even notice.” But all Taeyong could do was take a step backwards and stare at the stranger with wide eyes. No, no, this couldn’t be true. This was the joke of the universe, right?  

“Dude, are you okay?”

Then Taeyong read the name on the ID card in his trembling hands. There it was. And Taeyong felt his life crashing down. Again. And Nakamoto Yuta was the reason.

“You’re Yuta,” Taeyong stated and he looked at the stranger, right into his big brown eyes. He felt panic bubble up in his chest. At first glance, the guy was pretty handsome, there was nothing wrong with that. It was only wrong in every _other_ way.

“Uh… I’m sure we've never met be-“

Taeyong pulled up his sleeve and showed his wrist to the stranger that was his supposed soulmate. A heavy silence followed. Yuta pulled his ID card out of Taeyong’s hand and looked at the wrist in shock.  There was no mistaking. His name was right above the red string in golden letters. “Oh shit.” Was all he said before, too, taking a stumbling step backwards. This wasn’t supposed to happen

Yuta looked at the guy that he was thankful to just seconds ago. There was no way that this was his soulmate. This guy, who Johnny would no doubt describe as the perfect human being, was the one he was supposed to be with and supposed to give up his everything for. No fucking way.

“Are you kidding me? Are _you_ my soulmate?!” Yuta said incredulously. “No no no, I’m not doing this.” This was the guy who’s name was embedded in his neck and the realization hit him hard. He gritted his teeth in anger. It wasn’t fair.

Taeyong was taken aback by the vicious response. Strangely enough, it relieved him slightly. “Well, I'm glad we both think that all of this is ridiculous,” he said while crossing his arms over his chest. He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. This couldn’t be true, but yet… there was _his_ name, on this guy’s neck, like it was meant to be there. His mind felt ready to explode.

“Okay, I’m going to be honest with you,” Taeyong added after he had retaken his composure. “I don’t believe in this soulmate shit at all and I’m not willing to get to know you. Judging by your response, you aren’t really happy about it either. So, I propose that we act like this meeting never happened and that this is where we part ways.”

Yuta swallowed and felt irritated by even listening to this guy’s voice. He had turned from a nice stranger into an asshole real quick. But he couldn’t help but agree with the proposal.

“Woah you’re sure to the point. But that’s fine by me. I have enough shit going on already and I was definitely not planning on getting to know you either,” Yuta answered. “I take it you _are_ going to show up for the sign event, because I don’t have time for drama.”

The sign event was basically an obligation for registration when soulmates had found each other. If you didn’t show up when you were called, you could get into serious trouble. It was another thing that Yuta disliked about the string of fate, but he wasn’t planning on getting into trouble and having to pay a fine he probably couldn’t afford.

“Yeah I will, don’t worry,” Taeyong said back. It was hard to get it over his tongue, and he absolutely didn’t want to go, having to admit that he and his soulmate had officially found each other and were destined to have a special bond and chemistry between them. However, it was better to just show up and get it over with, than having to sign anyway after a load shit of drama and several procedures. He heard Yuta sigh.

“Then I’ll see you there I guess...” Yuta wasn’t sure what else to say. It all felt terribly empty.

“Yeah...” and Taeyong scratched the back of his neck. He wanted to go home as soon as possible. “Bye then,” he said and without further ado he turned around and walked away. After turning a corner, Taeyong came to a halt and leaned his hand against a wall for support.

What had just happened? The realization that he really just met his soulmate was finally present. He wondered if it really could be this easy. Would they just sign the paper and never see each other again?

He hadn’t even focused on how this Yuta looked like, but instantly felt stupid to even think about that. He quickly looked back around the corner and to his surprise he saw Yuta still standing there. He must’ve been shocked as well, Taeyong reasoned. Was it weird that he felt a bit triumphant at that?  

Yuta in return just stood there, asking himself, just like Taeyong, what had just happened. Only when someone asked him -rather rudely- why he was standing in the middle of the pavement, he, too, started to make his way home.

 

* * *

 

“You sure you don’t want us to come along?” Hansol asked Yuta. Johnny nodded in agreement. “You know we don’t mind, right?”

Yuta sighed while pacing through his room. He had been tense the whole day. And who could blame him? It was _the_ day of the sign event and he would have to see his soulmate again. Not only that, he had to acknowledge to the law that they _were_ soulmates.

“I know, I know,” Yuta whined and came to a stop in front of his two friends, who were currently sitting on his bed. “But I think I need to do it myself anyway.”

Johnny shrugged and let himself fall back on the mattress.  

“I still don’t see why you don’t want to give it a try.”

“Oh you don’t even know how this guy reacted when he saw his name on my neck. It was literally as if his spirit left his body,” Yuta said a little offendedly. He slapped Johnny’s thigh when the latter snorted. “I’m serious. He was just as uninterested in me as I was in him.”

“Have you looked in the mirror, Yu, he can’t be _not_ interested.” And Johnny waved as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I think he was so shocked that he didn’t even see what I looked like,” Yuta said back while picking out a choker and putting it on in front of the mirror.

Hansol sighed and tried to reason with his friend. “At least try to part in civil terms, you never know when you need to meet up again after this. And just because he’s your soulmate doesn’t mean he’s an awful person.”

“I know that… but I just don’t need this. If I needed a new friend I would just go out today and make one. My life doesn’t depend on a little red string.” Yuta turned towards his friends and winked. “Besides, I have you guys.”

“Love you too, Yu,” Johnny said while scrolling through his phone. Then he froze. Suddenly he stood up and walked towards Yuta. He showed him his phone with a grin.

“Is this guy your soulmate?!”

Yuta gave the screen a look. It was a Facebook profile and it was definitely Taeyong. Yuta pushed Johnny’s hand away. He was curious, yes, undeniably. BUT he was not going to let this guy into his life. Johnny huffed in return and looked at the profile himself.

“Uwaa this guy is a really good dancer though. Yuta, he’s soooo not your type, but damn he’s gorgeous. You wouldn’t look bad together.”

“I. don’t. care.”

Hansol put a hand on Johnny’s shoulder and shook his head at him. Yuta wasn’t in the mood for any Taeyong-related conversations and fueling the Japanese boy’s irritation wasn’t something Hansol liked.

“Maybe you should go. You don’t want to be late right?” He suggested in a friendly tone. Yuta sighed heavily in return and picked up his bag. Before leaving he stopped in the doorway and turned to his friends.

“When I come back I probably need a drink, so keep tonight free.” And then he left and closed the door behind him.

 

* * *

 

Taeyong found himself in front of the city hall. The only time he had been there was for a new passport, so he was not really familiar with the building. He quickly looked at his phone, only to see that he had two new messages from Jaehyun and Mark.

14:02  
**Mark:** _Fighting! Don’t worry man!_

14:10 _  
_**Jaehyun:** _It’ll be fine, Tae. Let me know when you’re done, than we can go grab some dinner and forget all of it:)_

Taeyong smiled. He really had the best of friends. He put his phone back in the pocket of his jeans and grimaced when a shot of pain went through his left wrist. He rubbed his wrist a few times and stubbornly pulled his sleeve down some more.

It had all started on Thursday. A dull pain spreading through his lower arm when he woke up. Taeyong first thought he had trained too much and he was developing an injury, but when he looked at his wrist, he saw the space around the red string looking irritated and red.

He didn’t understand why that happened. He had thought that maybe he was just not used to having something there, but Jaehyun thought it was weird as well. He couldn’t give him any useful information on it either though.

On Friday the pain had become worse. It wasn’t unbearable, but it was annoying nonetheless. It had even looked like the string had tightened a bit. Was this Fate’s karma? Taeyong had ignored it further and just hoped it would go away as soon as possible. Especially with his busy dancing schedule. When he woke up today, the pain had stayed the same as yesterday. But it worried him. What if it was an allergic reaction? It wouldn’t surprise him since he was ‘allergic’ to anything that had to do with soulmates.

Taeyong shook his head and walked inside the building. He couldn’t evade this moment forever.

It was pretty busy, but that was to be expected on a Saturday. Taeyong quickly looked around and saw a sign that read ‘SSE’. Soulmate Sign Event. It pointed to the left and led him through a corridor and eventually to a waiting room.

The first thing he noticed was the guy sitting in one of the chairs. It was Yuta. His supposed soulmate. He was immerged in a written conversation on his phone, because he didn’t look up from it and kept typing. He hadn't even noticed him entering. Since he couldn’t contain his curiosity he took a moment to observe his soulmate. He had brown hair, big eyes and he was more handsome than he had noticed before. Not that it was of any importance, there were thousands of handsome men in this city alone.

He was listening to some music, just like himself, and he wore simple but well-suited clothes. He also noticed that the guy had some piercings, something Taeyong could appreciate. He also couldn't help but notice the choker around his neck, probably to cover his red string.

Suddenly Yuta smiled at something on his phone and Taeyong blinked a few times.

This guy certainly had a pretty smile. If he was being objective, he could see people falling for that. Just not him. Taeyong had to admit that this guy came pretty close to his type, looks wise. Luckily for him, Taeyong found somebody’s personality to be of more importance.

He stopped staring and sat down on one of the other chairs. Only then it was that Yuta noticed his presence and he immediately sat upright in his chair and put his phone down. He looked rather awkward. Well, that made two.

“I almost thought you wouldn’t show up,” Yuta said to him with a neutral expression. It was said in a casual, business like way, not at all vicious.

“Well I’m here, aren’t I?” Taeyong said back.

Before they could say anything else, the door of the office opened and a man, late in his fifties, showed up.

“Next please.”

Taeyong and Yuta shot each other a look and then they stood up and walked inside. They both took place in the chairs opposite of the man. There were two pieces of paper in front of them.

“Hm first of all congratulations. It’s always good to see young people finding each other,” The man said with a friendly smile. 

“Uh... thank you, but…” Yuta started and gestured towards him and Taeyong. “We’re not really-"

“We just want to sign and go,” Taeyong interrupted him and shot the old man an apologetic smile. He didn't want to be rude, but he also didn't want to pretend like they  _were_ something like a couple.

“Very well then.” And the old man sighed and pushed his glasses a little higher up the bridge of his nose. “I’ll ask you a few questions and then you just have to sign the form in front of you.” He looked at both of them, expecting an answer, but there was only silence and the man started with his questions.

Most of them where about general information. So Taeyong learned that Yuta was indeed Japanese and was 21 just like him. Another question was about when the string appeared.

“Where are your strings located?”

Taeyong almost instantly put his arm on the table and pulled up his sleeve. The man leaned over the desk and put his glasses more down his nose. “Hmm”

“Is it supposed to be that tight?” Yuta almost mumbled. Taeyong quickly hid his wrist again and put his hand in his lap.

“Why do you care?” Taeyong asked defensively.

“I don’t, it was just an observation, geez.” And Taeyong hated how Yuta rolled his eyes.

The man coughed once and both of them turned their attention towards him again. The old man looked at Yuta expectantly, who was obviously not comfortable in showing his string.

“It’s around my neck,” was all Yuta eventually said.

The man’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh? That’s quite interesting. Can I see it?”

Taeyong shot Yuta a glance out of the corner of his eye. After some hesitation, Yuta undid his choker and the all too familiar red string with ‘Taeyong’ above it showed. The old man sent him a friendly smile.

“It’s very beautiful. I don’t see it often.”

“Uh… Thank you.” And without hesitation Yuta put his choker back on. Taeyong almost thought it was a shame.

“That was all, boys. You can sign now. Once you’ve signed, we will make sure everything is registered.”

Taeyong quickly put his sign on the bottom of the paper and unconsciously scratched his wrist again when he felt the pain return.

“Why do you keep scratching it, you know you can’t get it off, right?” Yuta said quietly as he, too, signed the paper. They both stood up and bowed after that. But just when they wanted to walk away the man called after them,

“If I were you, I’d go see a doctor for that. It looks serious.”

Both of them stopped in their tracks and Yuta glanced at Taeyong who was holding his wrist. The latter nodded to the man and his and Yuta's eyes met briefly. Without saying anything Taeyong walked right past him towards the exit. After a moment Yuta followed the other quickly.

Once outside he called after him.

“Hey!”

Taeyong turned around with an annoyed expression. “What is it?”

“What was that about? Your wrist, I mean.” And Yuta pointed to the spot where the red string was. “If there’s something wrong with it, you should tell me.”

“Wrong? Listen, I don’t have to tell you anything. We might be soulmates, but this is where we part ways remember.”

Yuta waved dismissively. “Yeah you’ve made that clear and I told you I feel the same way. But I’m a terribly nice person, so if this has really something to do with us as supposed soulmates then I can’t help but feel a little responsible.” He pointed towards the building behind him. “And if that man says you need to go to see a doctor for that, I think you should take his advice.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened at the words. Maybe this guy was right after all. If it was really about the soulmate thing, it was only logical that Yuta would want to know what was happening. But terribly nice person his ass.

He sighed. “Fine. It hurts, that’s all. Satisfied? Well, I’m going to the hospital to check out what’s wrong with it. I don’t really care if you want to come along with me or not.” And then he started to walk away.

Yuta rolled his eyes. “Geez this guy…” and while his mind said to just go home, his legs decided to ignore the order and follow his soulmate.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was it, I really hope you enjoyed it even though it wasn't grammatically perfect and the povs were a bit confusing. ^^"  
> The next chapter will take place immediately after this one and I hope to post it in a few days!  
> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought about it:) constructive critism is always welcome!  
> ~honEy D


	3. The Danger of Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg thank you all so much for your kudos, comments and subscriptions. It really means a lot! It took a bit longer than I expected, but here is the brand new chapter:) I hope you’ll enjoy it.

The walk to the hospital was awkwardly silent, but luckily the walking distance wasn't that long. As soon as they arrived at their destination, Taeyong and Yuta walked inside the large building and joined the small queue in front of the counter. They waited for a bit and Yuta put his hands in his pockets, trying to look anywhere except at his soulmate right next to him. When it was finally their turn, they came face to face with a nice looking lady behind the desk. She smiled at them.

“How can I help you?”

They gave each other a look and Taeyong took a small step forward. "I kinda have a… problem?” Yuta rolled his eyes at Taeyong’s answer.

When the lady looked at him questioningly, Taeyong pulled up the sleeve of his black hoodie to reveal his wrist to the lady. It wasn’t the first time Yuta saw the string, but it seemed more obvious that there was something wrong. Taeyong’s wrist was swollen and red, the string around it looking unnaturally tight. Yuta watched the lady’s face. She frowned and muttered something, while going through some papers on her desk.

“Wait a moment please,” she said as she hurriedly left the waiting room.

Taeyong and Yuta looked at each other shortly before averting their gazes again.  They decided to stand on the side for a bit. And, as Taeyong took his phone out of his pocket and started typing furiously, Yuta took the time to really look at his soulmate.

He immediately noticed his handsome features. Sharp jawline, visible cheekbones, beautiful eye-shape... This guy had it all. He was muscular, but not too much. He wasn’t really tall, maybe a little taller than himself. He also noticed that he always wore hoodies and jeans. Yuta thought it actually fit his character. Silent and mysterious, but also intelligent. His hair was black and unlike their first meeting his bang were pushed back, probably with gel and hairspray.

Objectively speaking, he should be thankful that his soulmate looked like _that_ and Yuta would lie if he said that he wasn’t attracted to the guy, but he was absolutely not the type he usually went for. It confused Yuta terribly.

The lady came back and waved at them to follow her. Taeyong put his phone away. “I told the doctor immediately and she managed to find a gap in her schedule.”

“Woah that’s not necessary, I mean, I can wait, really,” Taeyong quickly said. He didn’t want to be a burden to the doctor at all.

The nurse smiled at his kind gesture but dismissed it. “No, this is more serious than you think, boys, and the doctor thinks the same. So it’s okay.”

They soon arrived at the doctor’s office and the nurse knocked on the door. It opened and a middle aged woman with short brown hair appeared.  She had a nice vibe around her.

“Come inside please,” she said and when she saw Yuta standing awkwardly, not sure if he should get in or not, she added with a smile, “both of you.” Once inside she gestured for Taeyong to sit on the bed for patients and Yuta gave a short bow before sitting down on one of the chairs next to it.

“First of all, I’m Doctor Choi Minhee and I’m a specialist in soulmate bonds. First I need your names.” After a short introduction from both of them she nodded and filled in the information on her computer. “Now, Taeyong, let me see your wrist please.”

So he did. She carefully took it in her own hand and studied it thoughtfully. “hmm…” she pressed down on it softly and Taeyong obviously flinched. Yuta felt bad for him.

“I can imagine it hurts. Okay let’s get you something to cool it,” she said and rolled with her chair to a nearby cabinet. She picked out a cool pack and put it on Taeyong’s wrist after rolling back.

“Does this have something to do with… us?” Taeyong asked carefully and nodded to Yuta.

“You mean with your bond as soulmates, yes that’s true,” she said matter-of-factly. She saw how both boys cringed at the word ‘soulmates’ and got an idea why this was happening.

“Could it be that, uh... the ‘bond’ doesn’t work?” Yuta asked quite hopefully. The doctor laughed at that. “No, Yuta, it doesn’t work that way.”

“But I don’t get it. Why does it hurt like that? I mean, there are soulmates who don’t work out, right? At least some of them divorced or fought a lot.” Yuta asked with some awkward hand gestures. He didn’t understand why it was happening at all.

The doctor looked at him with a strict expression. “Yes, that’s for sure. However, this is not like that. At all.”

“What do you mean?” Taeyong asked through gritted teeth.

The doctor picked up the cool pack again and put it against Taeyong’s wrist. “I mean, it’s true that people divorced, but at least they tried being together first. That said, these people still experience pain from their tight strings, but we can help that with medicine, but only after counseling first. This," and she gestured to the two males, "this is purely denial. From both sides by the way.” Then she sighed.

“So how does it go away?” Taeyong asked tentatively. The doctor looked him straight in the eyes.

“It doesn’t. Unless you two start trying to bond.” Before one of them could protest she continued. “Listen, finding out you have a soulmate can be very overwhelming, but it doesn’t mean your life is over. My biggest worry right now is you.” And she pointed at Yuta.

“Me?! Well, I’m not the one in pain right now.”

“No, but remember your string is around your neck. If this goes on and it happens to you as well, I have no idea how it will turn out and if I’ll be able to help. It’s time to stop playing games. This is a serious problem and it can become really dangerous. This is like a virus, it’s not really common and you don’t get it easily, but once you’ve got it, it can return regularly. I have to say, Taeyong, you are oddly sensitive to this.”

There was a silence. It hadn’t even crossed Yuta’s mind that it could happen to him as well. He gulped. If that happened, wouldn’t he suffocate? Once again life wasn’t fair. Why did the fucking string appear around his neck? Couldn’t it pick an easier, less prominent and, above all, less sensitive place?

“The only thing I can do right now is give you both some pills that will slow down the process of tightening. Normally I wouldn’t give these out so easily, because it can have serious side effects. You both probably will have less energy and be tired the whole day. It will lessen your appetite seriously and people who took it, complained a lot about restlessness despite being tired. But at this stage I don’t feel like I have another choice then prescribe them to you.”

Taeyong and Yuta looked at each other quickly and then averted their gazes. “So,” Taeyong began, “if we try to bond, but just keep contact to the minimum. Would that solve the problem?”

The doctor sighed deeply. “Yes, that would work. I don’t get why you’re both not willing to give this a serious try, but I won’t judge.”

“So I have to take those too?” Yuta asked.

“Yes absolutely. We can’t take any risks with you. If you feel your string tightening, you have to contact the hospital immediately and we’ll have no other choice than to put you both into therapy.”

“You can’t force us to love each other through therapy,” Taeyong said with a frustrated sigh. “I’m not willing to do that.”

“You won’t have a choice in this matter, Taeyong. I’m not talking about love, I’m talking about forming a bond,” the doctor pointed out sternly. “So take my advice and work on your relationship.”

Yuta touched his neck unconsciously and let out a stuttering breath. “Right, okay. I guess we have no choice then.”

Taeyong took one of the pills and swallowed it with some water. After it he sighed and looked at Yuta questioningly. “Yeah I guess..”

Happy enough with the answers she got, the doctor stood up and shook both of the boys’ hands. Then she handed them the pills. “Now, you only take one a day, never more. It’s not that big of a deal if you forget it once, but try not to.” She turned to Taeyong. “When things get better, you contact me and I decide if you can stop taking them. Don’t decide for yourself, it’s too serious for that.” Then she sighed for the nth time.

“You certainly are a pair. Now get out of here and I hope for the both of you that you won’t see me again.”      

Both of them bowed to the woman and walked out of the room. Once they were outside the hospital, they kept standing awkwardly, not really know how to continue from here. Taeyong broke the silence eventually.

“Listen, I don’t hate you or something. But I know we’ll never work.” Yuta laughed at that.

“I know right, you are so not my type. The exact opposite actually.”

“But,” and Taeyong looked at Yuta seriously, “I don’t exactly like to be in pain either and it would be a bother if you got it as well. So let’s get coffee or something and talk about this seriously.”

“That’s okay with me. Let’s at least give this damn fate the idea that there was a reason for pairing us up together,” Yuta said and then a bit quieter he asked, “How is your wrist?”

Taeyong flexed his wrist a few times. “It’s a bit better now I’ve taken the medicine. And I guess even having a civil conversation with you releases a bit of the pain so yeah…” An awkward silence followed where they both didn’t know what to say or do.

“Let’s go then?” Yuta opted.

Taeyong nodded, “I know a place where it’s not too busy. Is that okay with you?”

Yuta shrugged. “Sure.”

And with that they started to walk to their destination in silence.

 

* * *

  

They found themselves sitting opposite of each other at one of the tables in the little café that Taeyong had proposed. Yuta thought it was a cute place. It was small, decorated with light but warm colors, and the employees there were really kind.

That said, the tension between them was more than obvious and Yuta barely dared to drink from his coffee due to the awkward atmosphere.

Yuta took a deep breath and eventually broke the silence.

“I know you’d rather not sit here. Believe me, it’s the same for me, but if we have to do this anyway then why not start by introducing ourselves properly.” And he offered his hand over the table.

“Hi I’m Nakamoto Yuta, 21 years old and third year sociology student.”

Taeyong shot the hand a doubtful look before shaking it anyway. “I’m Lee Tae- What the fuck!” and he immediately released the hand. Yuta jerked his hand away in surprise as well when an electric-like shock went through his body. They stared at each other in surprise. The shock wasn’t painful, actually it was quite the opposite; It felt warm and left a nice tingling feeling in his body.

“I fucking swear I didn’t know that would happen,” Yuta said with wide eyes and he put his hands up in defense. He could still feel the warmth and he didn’t like it. At all. It felt forced and unwelcome.

Taeyong stared at his wrist. “Must have something to do with the soulmate bond or something,” he mumbled. After that he let out a deep sigh and let his head fall in his hands. “This is so awkward.”

“Tell me about it,” Yuta said back. He picked up his cup and took a sip of the warm liquid to distract him from his nerves. He desperately wanted to have that drink with Hansol and Johnny now. When he put his cup down, he let out a laugh of unbelief.

“Can you imagine, the two guys that don’t want to have anything to do with each other, No offense by the way, are sitting together because they have to bond. Did we land in some sort of novel or what?”

Taeyong couldn’t help but snort at that. “It’s crazy.” After picking up his coffee as well, he added, “look, the fact that I don’t want to get to know you has nothing to do with you as a person. It’s just something that I’ve decided for myself. It’s not personal.”

Yuta looked at him in mild surprise. It sounded awfully familiar to what he wanted to say. He was glad though. At least it wouldn’t end in a shouting party this way. Maybe, and it was the first time Yuta felt hopeful, maybe he was lucky that Taeyong was his soulmate. Maybe fate put them together because they both didn’t want it, so that they could lead their own lives after they met.

“I actually wanted to say the same. I mean it’s not that I don’t believe in love, I just don’t believe in the love that soulmates should have. It’s not natural and a lot of the soulmate relationships I’ve seen don’t give me a natural feel either. But that could be just me of course.” And he waved with his hand.

Taeyong sent him a small smile. “Well, seems like we agree on one thing after all.” Then after debating if he should talk more, he added “I know that in some cases it _does_ work. I’ve got this friend who has a really loving and healthy relationship with his soulmate, but it’s just not… for me, I guess. I’m not someone to blindly jump into things and expect it to work out just because.”

Yuta hummed in agreement. “I can feel you with that. For me it’s more because of the...” and he thought for a second to find the right words. “Expectations? Like, we’re expected to change the way we live for our soulmate. To give up dreams and- Don’t you think it’s wrong when love refrains you from that?” when he was done talking he was actually really surprised. They had actually naturally fallen into a serious conversation about soulmate stuff. He felt a little exposed, but it was also refreshing to talk to someone who saw things in the same light. Well, kind of.

Taeyong nodded. “I get what you mean.” And he put down his cup. ”It’s not exactly _the_ reason I hate soulmate stuff, but yeah… it’s definitely wrong. Love should give you more, not take things away from you.”

Yuta couldn’t contain a smile appearing on his face. “Look at us having a decent conversation without shooting each other deadly glares.”

He saw Taeyong blink at that. He probably just realized as well. Taeyong shrugged after a short silence. “It’s not that surprising actually. I might hate fate, but it probably has its reasons for putting me up with you.” And he gave Yuta a challenging look. It was so different from a minute ago that Yuta couldn’t really find the words or behavior to answer him.

Taeyong scraped his throat awkwardly once, “Anyway,” he said, “maybe it’s an idea to see each other once a week. At least for this month. Then we can see if my wrist heals and after that we can just part ways.”

Yuta thought about it. It was actually the perfect proposal. Once a week was doable, he could make some time free.

“Okay sounds like a plan.” Did that sound too eager? He shook his head. Nah.

“Good. Is this place okay or is too far from your home?”

“It’s great actually. I really like it here, it might be even better than Starbucks,”  he answered truthfully and looked around once again.

 A silence followed, but it wasn’t as awkward as it was in the beginning. It didn’t feel really comfortable, but Yuta thought it was a start at least. If the doctor said they needed to work on their relationship, it was probably a good idea to follow her advice.

“So, what exactly _is_ your reason for not liking all of this?” And Yuta gestured at their hidden strings. Taeyong was visibly surprised by the question. Then his eyes turned colder.

“I don’t want to be rude, but that’s not really anything of your business.”

Yuta huffed. “Well I told you my reason, didn’t I?”

“The fact that you like to spill your life story, doesn’t mean I’ll do the same.”

“Uwaa you sure are annoying, aren’t you?”

Taeyong let out a laugh at that and shrugged. “I try.”

But Yuta could take a hint and didn’t pry any further. Sensitive topic apparently. And that was okay, everyone had them. He quickly glanced at his phone. He had a few messages and was surprised that it was already nearing six pm.

“I can’t stay a lot longer though, I promised my friends I would meet them,” he said and he drank the remaining part of his coffee. It wasn’t a lie exactly. He _did_ tell his friends that they should keep tonight free.  He looked at Taeyong, who was staring outside through the window. He didn't want to leave because he hated to spend time with him. He just wanted to go home and see Hansol and Johnny. It had been an eventful but tiring day. And he somehow knew Taeyong thought the same.

“Okay,” Taeyong said as he looked at Yuta. “It’s been an awfully long day anyway. So, we uh.. see each other next week?”

“Yup, fine by me,” Yuta answered and he was surprised when Taeyong offered him his hand. Without thinking he shook it. No shock this time. Good.

“It was nice to meet you Yuta. Even with all this happening.” Maybe this guy wasn’t as bad as he had thought he was, Yuta thought. He couldn’t help but give him a smile

“Well, we’re in this together, so yeah, nice meeting you too.”

After that they both stood up and walked out of the café. Taeyong said an awkward ‘bye’ before leaving in the opposite direction of where he needed to go. Yuta couldn’t help but look at his soulmate’s nice legs as he walked. He inwardly rolled his eyes at himself. Maybe Taeyong was his type after all.

Looks wise only, of course.

Then Yuta turned around and left as well. He would probably take the bus home, so he could get home a little before half past 6. Once he arrived at the bus stop he quickly messaged Hansol.

5:59  
**Yuta:** _I’m on my way home. I hope you held tonight free, because I’ve got lots to tell you._

* * *

  

“Uwaa you’re finally home, I was starting to get worried,” Jaehyun said as soon as Taeyong opened the door of their shared apartment. His blond friend was obviously preparing dinner and Taeyong could already smell the nice aroma of his cooking.

“Smells good,” he said while walking towards the kitchen and lifting the lid of one of the pans.

“I thought why not make dinner, since I didn’t hear anything from you today.” Then he paused to stir into another pan. “Well, I’m also running low on money. But enough about that. You realize you’re quite late right? Did Something happen?” and he turned around to look at Taeyong questioningly

Taeyong groaned and walked to the cabinet to pull out two plates. “You have no idea, Jae.” When he put down the plates on the table he continued, “I’ll tell you everything at dinner. I need a shower.”

After his shower, which he desperately needed to soothe his body, he quickly dressed in some comfortable clothes to join Jaehyun for dinner. When they were both finally sitting around their table, Taeyong told his friend everything about the events of the day. Jaehyun couldn’t help but react surprised.

“So you both have to take medication?” and Jaehyun whistled. “That sucks.”

Taeyong nodded while putting some food in his mouth. “But at least it helps against the pain.”

“I still find it funny how you both don’t want this... But you’re going to meet up every week from now on, right?” and when Taeyong hummed, Jaehyun carefully chose his next words.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to at least, you know, befriend him.” And when Taeyong gave him a look he quickly added, “I didn’t say anything about love. But if you guys really have things in common and it grows naturally then, maybe, you don’t have to remove him from your life.”

Taeyong didn’t look at him. He knew that Jaehyun had a point. But he had always told himself to not get involved with his soulmate. Even if friendship would come naturally, Taeyong didn’t know if he wanted to have that. A sudden image of Yuta came to mind and he shook his head.  He couldn’t deny that their conversation hadn’t been as bad as he expected. And he scolded himself for being curious about their next meeting.

“We’ll see,” Taeyong just said. “By the way, this is really good.” And he nodded to his plate.

Jaehyun shot him a smug smile. “Of course it is. I’m a great cook.”

Taeyong smiled and pointed his fork towards his friend. “Next time I see Doyoung, I’ll tell him to not give you so many compliments. You’re getting way too confident.” Jaehyun just grinned more and nodded.

“True, but he mostly uses it as a method to make me cook, so he doesn’t have to do anything.”

“You’re so whipped, Jae.”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything, but when he recalled Taeyong’s story about today and his and Yuta’s similarities, he couldn’t help but think,

‘I’m afraid that soon enough you’ll be as well.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I was pretty nervous about this chapter, so I hope it didn’t come over unnatural or rushed. Please let me know your thoughts^-^
> 
> excited k-pop rant:  
> IS ANYONE ELSE EXCITED FOR THE NCT 127 COMEBACK IN JUNE??? I can’t- it’s funny how they all try to hide their new hair colors thoughXD  
> Ah but UP10TION will probably have their comeback in June as well, so I’ll be broke af after buying their albums;-;  
> All these recent comeback are seriously driving me crazyyy. First Ikon and Seventeen, then queen Yezi, MAP6, 24K and B.I.G. Bop after bop after bop. And Highlight and Astro are also giving us teasers. My head is exploding. And I’m not even gonna talk about all the new debuts.  
> Sorry since I have absolutely no friends that like K-pop I need to let it all out once in a while haha.  
> see you next time:) (hopefully)  
> ~honEy D


	4. Getting to Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwaa I'm sorry for the late update! I struggled a lot with this chapter to be honest and I'm still not fully satisfied with it. I had to start from scratch and rewrote a lot. So I really hope it won't disappoint! Get ready for some meetings and developments.  
> Thank you so much for the kudos, comments and hits (over 700?! How??) I really appreciate all of you<3

“So how late do you have your date tomorrow?” Johnny asked Yuta. They were sitting in the shared kitchen of Yuta’s hallway. Since Johnny lived in the same student residence, they lunched together and met up a lot. Hansol had once asked why they didn’t decide to share a studio, but Yuta had told him immediately that they both liked to be alone at times as well. Living together in a small space could bring out the worst in people after all.

Yuta shot him an annoyed look. “It’s not a date. We _need_  to meet up, remember. I don’t exactly have a choice.”

“Yeah you told me that like a hundred times, but how late? Maybe we can watch a movie right after?”

The realization that he didn’t even know when they were supposed to meet each other struck him and a little bit of panic came over him. He groaned and cursed. Johnny looked at him with a confused expression until he too realized.

“Oh my god you didn’t decide on a time, did you?”

Yuta put his head in his hand. “We didn’t…” Johnny just snorted. “Typical, but hey why not send him a message on facebook?” And he sent his friend a smug smile.

“Oh no no no, definitely not!” Yuta said immediately and he moved his arms so they formed an X. “No way.”

Johnny took another bite of his sandwich and shrugged. “Your choice.”

In the end Yuta had to give up his pride and he opened his Facebook app. It wasn’t hard to find Taeyong. His profile picture was him with a few friends in dancing clothes and, being the curious human he was, Yuta scrolled down his profile. The most of his posts were about dancing and he was surprised at how talented his soulmate actually was.

He decided he had snooped around enough and before he accidentally liked an old picture like some stalker, he opened the chat.

 **Nakamoto Yuta:** _Hey, Since we never mentioned a time to meet up, I suggest around 1 pm? Is that okay with you?_

Yuta couldn’t help but be nervous as he pressed send. Why hadn’t they just decided on a time when they had the chance.

He yelped when he almost immediately got a message back. Johnny just laughed at him.

 **Lee Taeyong _:_** _Hey, ah you’re right, we forgot. I have to work until 2 pm, how about 4?_

 **Nakamoto Yuta:** _That’s good. See you then._

Ugh if that wasn’t the most awkward online chat he ever had. He sighed and laid down on his arm on the table.

“Cheer up Yuta, there are definitely worse things than your soulmate. For example upcoming exams and your bachelor thesis.”

Yuta just leaned over the table and pinched Johnny’s arm harshly.

 

* * *

 

Taeyong arrived at the café 15 minutes earlier than they had agreed on and he felt a bit embarrassed. He decided to go inside already and sat down at the same table as the last time. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. The medicine was sure no joke. The doctor was right, it really made you more tired and restless. He had barely slept last night. But, he had to admit, the pain was gone. His string was still a bit tighter than usual, but nothing really worrying.

Somehow he was nervous, which didn’t really make sense. Last time it had been awkward, but not as bad as he expected, so hopefully it would all go okay this time as well.

A few minutes later, the door of the café opened and Taeyong looked up from his phone to see none other than Nakamoto Yuta walk inside. At least he wasn’t the only one who was early. Yuta spotted him and quickly headed over to their table. Taeyong couldn’t deny that the other boy looked good, especially in the oversized sweater he was wearing.

Yuta laid his phone down on the table and shot him a slightly awkward smile. “Hey,” he said and he took place opposite of Taeyong. He noticed the Japanese boy was wearing the same choker as last time to hide his string.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Besides being tired as fuck, I’m okay. What about you? Does your wrist still hurt?” Taeyong was slightly surprised by the normality of the conversation right from the start. He played with the hem of his sleeve.

“It’s not bad.”

“That is… elaborate.” And Yuta stood up. “Well, I’m going to get some coffee, what do you want?”

Taeyong blinked at his soulmate before answering. “Uh.. a café mocha with extra sugar.” Yuta gave him a surprised and slightly amused look. He snorted

“Somehow I expected something entirely different.”

Taeyong raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“I’d expected something like ‘I like my coffee like my clothing style. black’. But seriously, you wear a lot of black,” Yuta said with an amused glint in his eyes. Taeyong just stared at him, unable to find words. Well, in his defense, how do you answer to something like that? Yuta seemed to have realized as well and he looked embarrassed for a moment.

“Okay.. I’m going then.” And he turned around to order their coffees.

When they had their coffees in front of them, the awkward silence was back, in which they both tried not to look at the other. And when their eyes accidentally _did_ meet, they both averted their gazes immediately.

Yuta broke the silence. “So, I saw you like to dance. Uh… what is it you do exactly?”

“How do you know?” Taeyong asked a bit suspiciously. Yuta lifted his phone and wiggled it in the air. “Facebook?” Oh… right. And Taeyong mentally facepalmed.

“The photos you saw are probably from my last competition,” he started. “I dance hip-hop and with our crew we do a lot of competitions, but I like to dance solo as well. I'm also a dance instructor for children at our dance school. It doesn’t pay a lot, but the fun makes up for it in my opinion.” Taeyong finally answered with a smile. Dancing really meant a lot to him.

“Hmm sounds fun. So you’re not in school anymore?”

“No. I went to the dance academy when I was 17, but I quit after two and a half years, because there were too many rules to follow. I see dancing as something that’s supposed to be free. And picking up another study… it wasn’t really something for me.”

“Not to be judgmental, but wouldn’t it be better to have just finished the academy? I mean, at least you would've gotten a certificate.” 

Taeyong smiled and shrugged. “I fell in love with the dance school I work at now and they didn’t demand a certificate. I do go to a lot of workshops from other professional dancers though, to keep improving.”

“You’re really dedicated to dancing, aren’t you?” Yuta said while leaning his chin on his hands. He looked genuinely interested. It was the first time Taeyong had really experienced something like that. Normally, people would always start talking about themselves, which he found pretty annoying. That’s why Taeyong kept the amount of friends he had to the minimum.

“Yeah. I think I can honestly say that it’s the most important thing in my life,” he answered. He almost regretted saying it, because of the personal subject. However, Yuta just gave him a knowing smile and he couldn’t help but mirror the expression.

“Finally mystery guy reveals something about himself.”

“This is our first official meet up, it’s not like I know a lot about you either,” Taeyong challenged. He scratched behind his ear. “So, you’re in university right? How’s that?”

Yuta drank from his coffee. “It’s nothing special to be honest. I study sociology, because I like people. I want to understand them more. I want to know what underlying patterns play a role in our society. You know, what drives people? What influences their behavior?” And he nodded, apparently satisfied with his answer.

Taeyong thought it was interesting. Especially regarding his opinion on soulmate matters. “Can you specialize in something or is it more you know… general.”

Yuta smiled at that. “You can specialize in a lot, actually. I’m going to focus more on population and probably inequality and social stratification and stuff. Well, it sounds more boring than it is. The studying is quite a bother, but I just hope it will work out in the end.”

Yuta was more intelligent than Taeyong had originally thought and it made him more attractive in his opinion.

Wait, he didn’t just think that, right?

Right.

“You okay?” Yuta asked with a raised eyebrow. Taeyong quickly took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah yeah. University sounds like a lot of work though.”

“Hmm it is, but being a student is a lifestyle. You get used to it and you learn a lot along the way.”

For the rest of their time together they talked a bit more about hobbies and Taeyong discovered that their music taste was quite similar; Hip-hop and R&B. Yuta wasn’t quite what he had expected. He was really outgoing, but could appreciate being alone as well. He was sassy, but polite. He was enthusiastic about stuff he liked, but modest in his achievements. It was only their first meeting, but he felt like it wasn’t.

It scared him.

Taeyong felt nervous about their next meet ups already. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. They should hate each other, not become friends. A reasonable part of his brain told him to stop being illogical and stop fueling the hate he felt for having a soulmate, but it was hard.

“Maybe we can go somewhere else next week? I mean I like it here, but it’s… I don’t know… kinda boring to always meet up in the same place?” Yuta said casually after drinking the remaining part of his coffee. “I need to lower my caffeine level anyway.”

Was Yuta seriously not noticing it, the way they clicked? Or did he notice, but didn’t mind?

“Uh sure. Do you have a suggestion?”

Yuta seemed to think about it intensely for a moment. “What about the city park? I know it sounds weird, but I know some spots that wouldn’t be too busy.”

Okay going to a park with your soulmate. That totally didn’t sound like a date. Except that it did. He looked at Yuta hesitantly. The latter saw it and a horrified look appeared on his face.

“Oh my god, that totally sounded like I wanted to ask you on a date, didn’t it?” He quickly waved his hands in front of him. “I didn’t mean it that way, obviously. It was just an idea.” Then he added a bit quieter. “Don’t flatter yourself.” Taeyong snorted at that.

“Okay let’s do that,” he finally decided. Then he watched the clock that was hanging on the wall behind the counter. It was already a quarter to six. He had told Jaehyun to pick him up at half. The realization hit him and he quickly stood up with widened eyes.

“Shit I need to go.” He grabbed his bag and hauled it over his shoulder hastily. Yuta was blinking at him confusingly, to which Taeyong elaborated, “My friend was supposed to pick me up fifteen minutes ago. Sorry I really need to run.”

“Well… uh okay,” Yuta brought out, surprised. “See you next week then?”

“Yeah.” And he gave his soulmate a quick bow. “Bye.“ And with that he rushed out of the café, leaving a bewildered Yuta behind.

Once outside, he could already see Jaehyun’s ugly, light blue car parked at one of the parking spots some fifty meters away. When he got to the car, he opened the door and hopped inside. Jaehyun looked at him with a grin.

“Lost track of time?”

“Not a word Jae, not a word,” Taeyong said while looking right in front of him.

Jaehyun just laughed and drove away.

 

* * *

 

Yuta looked at his watch for the third time in two minutes. It was currently five minutes past four.

“You know that _that_ won’t make him come sooner, right?” Hansol said casually. Yuta just shot him an annoyed look.

It was a week later and he and Hansol were standing in front of the city park’s entrance. The sun was shining brightly, but it wasn’t too hot. Yuta didn’t want to admit it, but he was actually quite curious about their second ‘official’ meeting. In fact, he was thinking of dropping his suspicious and guarded attitude. They were in it together anyway. And maybe Hansol was right, it wouldn’t hurt making a new friend. He was still annoyed that Taeyong caused him to take those terrible pills, but Yuta thought he could forgive him for that. And he secretly didn’t take them every day anyway.

“What are you even implying? He was fifteen minutes early last time. And most importantly, why are you still here?” Hansol shot him a guilty smile and shrugged.

“You can’t blame me for being curious about my best friend’s soulmate.” Yuta shook his head at his friend. “You are so-“

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late!” suddenly came from behind him and Yuta whipped around to see an out of breath Taeyong standing in front of him. Yuta was surprised that he was actually wearing a white T-shirt this time. He was also wearing a cap with two silver rings on the frontside. To be honest, he looked really cool.

“Ah... it’s no problem really. It’s only been five minutes.”

“Oh come on now, you can tell him that you’ve been waiting here for fifteen minutes already,” Hansol suddenly interrupted and he appeared next to a completely shocked Yuta. “Hey, I’m Yuta’s friend Hansol, nice to meet you.”

Taeyong looked from Hansol to Yuta and back to Hansol before giving the blond a short bow. Yuta couldn’t believe Hansol just said that. He wasn’t like that at all normally, so why…

“Uh… nice to meet you as well, I’m Taeyong.”

Hansol smiled politely “I know.” Then he shot Yuta a look, “I’ll be going then, see you later, Yu.” And with that he waved and turned around, walking away. Yuta coughed embarrassedly and walked past Taeyong. “Let’s go.”

The spot that Yuta was taking them to was a place on the grass between two trees at the far end of the park. There were some people sitting on a bench and others taking a walk, but it wasn’t too crowdy. Yuta always went there with Hansol and Johnny when they had some free time.

They sat down and Taeyong shot him an amused smile. “So, fifteen minutes huh?”

Yuta sputtered at that, pulling a laugh out of Taeyong. It was a nice sound, Yuta admitted. “Shut up. Weren’t you the one who came fifteen minutes early last time?”

“True,” Taeyong confessed, and a surprisingly comfortable silence fell over them.

“It was a good idea to come here,” Taeyong finally said and removed his cap to go through his hair with one hand. “I honestly need to go out more.” Yuta hummed in agreement and was slightly jealous at Taeyong’s way of presenting himself. He probably didn’t even notice himself.

“How was your week?” Yuta asked then and they fell into a natural conversation going from small things to light subjects. It was funny how they didn’t even dare to look at one another at their first meeting, while now their eyes met more and more. Sometimes Yuta even felt a little self-conscious when Taeyong looked at him longer than necessary.

When another silence fell after their conversation, Yuta became a bit bolder with his next question. “You still haven’t told me why you hate this soulmate thing so much.”

Taeyong’s eyes immediately darkened and his expression turned more tense and serious. Yuta almost wanted to apologize when the Korean boy sighed and started talking.

“I don’t really like talking about it to be honest.” He looked at the grass and he went through his hair again. “It’s just… I mean, you know like no one else what the general perception is of soulmates, right?” Yuta nodded, of course.

“Well, my parents were the exact opposite of that. I’m not going into details, but it was rough. My father was an absolute asshole and he eventually left my mother and I when I was young, but old enough to understand everything. They were so unhappy…” And Yuta didn’t like the look of sadness and parental longing in Taeyong’s eyes. He continued, “But the worst thing was that no one outside our family would accept that fact. They accused my mother of ruining things. They thought _we_ were the weird ones.” Then he looked Yuta right in his eyes. “Soulmates aren’t the epitome of happiness, it’s not real. It’s just an illusion that happens to work in some cases.”

Yuta didn’t think the accusing look his soulmate shot him was fair, but he apologized anyway.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” And he genuinely meant it. It must’ve been hard, especially when you learn that a soulmate bond is supposed to be beautiful and it turns out to be the most ugly thing in your life. He finally got to understand Taeyong a bit more.

“Don’t be. I don’t need pity, I’m over it. But it learned me to look at things differently. I’m happy you look at it the same way. it actually makes it easier for both of us.”

 _You’re so not over it_ , was all that Yuta thought. The conversation had turned quite sour and Yuta began doubting their possible future friendship again. He himself was okay with it, but he felt that Taeyong wasn’t ready. It felt like they were back at square one.

When the clock of the nearby church struck six, Yuta decided that it was enough for today.

“Do you want to meet here again next week or?” Yuta asked and he was surprised by the gentler smile that Taeyong gave him.

“That’s fine for me, it’s pretty here.” And to Yuta’s horror, he felt his chest constrict pleasantly when their eyes met again.

What the fuck.

“O-okay.”

They both stood up and brushed off their pants. In silence they started walking to the exit slash entrance again. Yuta looked at Taeyong’s arm from the corner of his eye. The other hadn’t bothered to cover it and Yuta could clearly see the red and gold on his wrist. When he looked in front of him again, he was confronted with the sight of a boy and girl holding hands and laughing with each other.

He also noticed the red strings around their ankles.

They were the perfect couple. Both were beautiful and it seemed like they were really in love. It was cute. His mind had always told him that he didn’t need anyone to be happy. He could be happy surrounded by friends, making a living with his dream job. This was the first time Yuta felt like he longed for the exact thing the couple in front of them had.

Taeyong’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Maybe we should exchange phone numbers, you know, in case someone is late or can’t come.”

“Good point,” Yuta mumbled while ruffling his bangs. After they traded their phone numbers, they quickly said their goodbyes.

“See you next week, Yuta,” Taeyong said to him with a rather unreadable expression. That was the first time he had actually called him by his name and Yuta didn’t dislike it. He felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards. Maybe they weren’t back to square one after all.

“See you later… Taeyong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was it! OKAY so the first scene of this chapter seems really random and it is. But it's my own fault for causing a plot hole in my previous chapter, like why did I forgot to mention a time???? sorry for that.  
> From the next chapter on, the real developments start, so I hope this chapter didn't disappoint too much for people to stop reading^^" There were just some conversation topics that I needed to have out of the way.  
> Please let me know what you thought in a comment, I really love reading them!  
> see you next time! 
> 
> ALSO CHERRY BOMB AH, I'm ready for the aesthetics.  
> ~honEy D


	5. I Know You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMO I was so glad that people enjoyed the last chapter. Thank you for all of your support❤ I’m actually quite excited about this chapter myself. I hope you don’t mind that it’s extra-long, because there were a lot of scenes that needed to happen before the start of next chapter. But as promised some real developments this time!!;) Enjoy~

Taeyong eyes fluttered open as he woke up from probably the best night of sleep he had in a while. He sighed comfortably and rolled on his side to stretch out his arms in front of him. When he was fully conscious, his eyes fell on the red string around his wrist and suddenly he recalled the dream he had last night.

The comfortable feeling disappeared like ice cream on a hot summer day and he groaned, burrying his face in his pillow. Why wouldn’t life give him a break.

He wanted to shut out the thoughts and feelings of his dream, but he couldn’t and remembered the feeling of Yuta’s hand in his, the way they smiled at each other. He could still practically feel the tingle were his soulmate’s lips had met with his own. It had all felt so real.

But it wasn’t. And Taeyong didn’t want it to be real. At all. Angrily he threw the sheets off his body and walked to the bathroom to throw some cold water in his face.

He reminded himself that they only had two more meetups planned. After that, they could just go their separate ways and act as if it never happened. Jaehyun warned him continuously that it didn’t work that way and that they would seek out each other’s company again, but Taeyong didn’t believe that. He just had to hold on a little longer.

Today was the day of their third meeting and Taeyong just hoped that dance practice would empty his head from all his dream-related thoughts.  

He opened his bedroom door and walked into the living room where Jaehyun and Doyoung were sitting on the couch already, watching tv. Taeyong looked at the clock above the kitchen counter. It was a quarter past nine AM. Why the hell were those two up so early?

“Oh it’s Taeyongie,” Doyoung said when he looked over his shoulder. Taeyong was actually quite fond of Jaehyun’s soulmate. Behind his sassy character was an incredibly nice and caring person. He complemented Jaehyun in ways no one else could and Taeyong knew that their relationship was something that would last.

Fond of him or not, it still felt a little awkward when Doyoung stayed the night at their place. It wasn’t that Taeyong could hear them have sex or something, because he never heard a thing and he believed that Jaehyun was pretty against it when Taeyong was at home - He slept in the next room, only separated from his roommate's by a paper-thin wall -, but they had something really intimate and Taeyong felt like the third wheel on more than one occasion.

“Hey,” he greeted curtly and walked to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast.

“Well, someone’s in a bad mood,” Doyoung called after him. Taeyong turned around, annoyed.

“Why are you two even up? It’s weekend.”

This time it was Jaehyun who answered. “I accidentally set my alarm at 8 and after that I couldn’t sleep anymore...” Doyoung slapped him softly on the arm that was wrapped around his shoulders. “Yes and because of it, _I_ couldn’t sleep either.”

Jaehyun smiled at his soulmate apologetically. “I’ll let you sleep in tomorrow.” Doyoung just huffed a, “You better.”

Taeyong groaned inwardly at the two on the couch and poured some milk over his cornflakes.

“So how’s it going with Yuta?” Doyoung suddenly said and it threw Taeyong off guard. So much, that he accidentally poured some milk over his hand. “Ah shit.”

“Oops, wrong question?”

Taeyong quickly took the dish towel and removed the milk from his hand and the table. Then he turned towards Doyoung and shot him a dirty look. “I wouldn’t know, why don’t you ask him?”

“I thought you two exchanged phone numbers?” Doyoung said and he took a sip from his orange juice. Taeyong gave Jaehyun a betrayed look. Geez, he did have to share it, didn’t he.

“So?” He challenged. “That doesn’t mean I have to talk to him. And I don’t see why you should care about our-”

“Growing relationship?” Jaehyun finished for him and Taeyong threw the dish towel at his roommate.

Doyoung took the towel and stood up to drop it on the kitchen counter next to Taeyong.

“No offense, Tae, but you two _are_ soulmates. That means your souls are bonded and connected. If you keep being stubborn, you might lose the one person who can understand you the best.” And before Taeyong could protest the other continued. “Jaehyun told me that when you came back last time you were smiling. He also told me I shouldn’t say anything about it to you, but I will anyway. Your string was tightening and that’s not a good sign. Now that it’s getting better, are you really willing to throw the one thing away that can probably make you happy? Are you really going to be that stubborn?”

Taeyong averted his gaze from Doyoung and put his bowl on the counter without eating anything from it. He didn’t feel like talking about it, especially not when he had just dreamed of the very person they were talking about. Soulmates or not. For Taeyong there was no _them._ And there would never be.

“It’s too early for this,” he said and he walked to his bedroom to get ready for work. When he closed the door behind him, Doyoung shot Jaehyun a helpless look.

“I told you Yuta is a touchy subject... He’ll come around eventually,” the blond said. Doyoung walked back to his soulmate and sat down next to him, immediately welcomed by an embrace.

“He can have what we have, so I don’t understand why he acts like this. They’d look like a model couple to be honest.”

Jaehyun just sighed. “I know, I know.”

 

* * *

 

Yuta was lying on the grass with his arms behind his head, his eyes closed under his sunglasses. It was half past three and he knew their meetup only started at four. But since Yuta was feeling like going outside today, he decided to just go to the park already. That way he could enjoy the sunny weather and mentally prepare himself for their meeting.

Suddenly a shadow was casted over his face.

“Yuta?” Came the surprised voice. Yuta sat upright in a second and took his sunglasses off. For a moment he was blinded by the bright sunlight when the shadow of the person moved away, but when his eyes were adjusted to the light, he saw a very familiar figure standing in front of him.

“W-what are you doing here so early?” Yuta asked his soulmate incredulously. It was half an hour before their meetup and well… he was not mentally prepared.

“I was just going to enjoy the weather for a bit before you arrived, but I guess you had the same idea.” 

Yuta groaned inwardly, but patted on the grass next to him. “Well, don’t stand there. Sit down.”

Taeyong snorted and sat down next to him. He wasn’t sitting close or anything, but Yuta felt his presence stronger than last time. He casted a glance at Taeyong’s string and saw that the red thread was looking pretty natural. That was definitely a good sign.

“Are you still taking the pills?” Yuta asked with some curiosity. Taeyong was a bit caught off guard by the question and his hand immediately covered his string. He shot Yuta a guilty expression.

“Well… I actually stopped using them a few days ago.” Then he quickly added, “but I’ll use them again if necessary. I just wanted to test if I could go without them.”

“Don’t worry, I only used them the first week,” Yuta admitted, laughing.

Taeyong stared at him. “If the doctor knew, she’d kill us,” he said and Yuta nodded.

“Absolutely.”

After a moment of silence, Taeyong scraped his throat once, and when Yuta looked at him, their eyes met.

“You’re not wearing your choker today.” It was a statement, but also an underlying question. Yuta hadn’t even thought about it. At first he always made sure that, when he went outside, he would cover his string. But now - especially these last days - Yuta wore them less and less. He didn’t want to draw conclusions out of it, but maybe he was slowly but surely accepting the fact that he had a soulmate.

Well, wasn’t that scary?

He touched the string with his hand and felt a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Taeyong shot him an amused look. “You guess?” Then his eyes turned more serious. “It doesn’t look bad.”

“Did Lee Taeyong just give me a compliment?” Yuta said and he elbowed his soulmate in his arm. He immediately regretted it though. Maybe that was a bit too much.

To his surprise Taeyong only shook his head, the amusing glint in his eyes still present. “Well I guess I did.”

Seriously this guy…

The hours ticked away when they talked, and before they knew it, it was near seven. Yuta looked at his phone in surprise, not believing time had passed so quickly. He looked at Taeyong who was currently lying on the grass with closed eyes, a content smile on his face. It honestly felt like they were friends, well that’s what Yuta thought anyway.

“Oi Taeyong, it’s almost seven. I’m also getting quite hungry, so I think I’m going home,” the younger said and Taeyong opened his eyes and sat up straight at his words.

“Oh right. I didn’t even know it was this late already,” Taeyong said back sheepishly and he stood up, stretching his arms above his head. His shirt lifted up a bit, and Yuta could see a flash of his abs. Yuta averted his gaze and gulped.

Once he got home, the first thing he would do is work out.

It was still warm and light outside when they walked back to the entrance in silence, their long shadows stretching out in front of them. Yuta watched it with interest while thinking about their day. Hanging out with Taeyong felt like therapy. It was soothing for his mind, and even though there was this lingering nervous feeling, he always came home more relaxed than before.

He vaguely heard some tumult behind him, when he was suddenly pulled aside rather harshly by his wrist. He stumbled into Taeyong and to his surprise two boys raced by on their bikes, laughing and shouting, exactly on the place where he had just been walking. He blinked and looked at his side where he was still with his back against Taeyong’s side.

He immediately jumped aside again, watching his soulmate with wide eyes. He suddenly felt warm and his heart was beating rapidly, still feeling the lingering touch on his back and wrist where his body had met Taeyong’s.

_Oh god._

Taeyong was scratching his neck nervously. “You should  be more aware of your surroundings, geez.”

“Yeah… sorry,” was all he said, and as if nothing had happened they continued their walk. Yuta was hyperaware of Taeyong’s presence next to him, and he kept glancing at him from the corner of his eye. Then his eyes fell on a tree root that was interwoven with the path they were walking on. And it was right in front of Taeyong’s feet.

“Taeyong, watch ou-“ he started, but it was too late, and Taeyong tripped right over it with a yelp. Yuta quickly stretched out his hand, but it was useless as there was no way he could refrain his soulmate from stumbling forward awkwardly. Taeyong still managed to not fall to the ground, and Yuta’s stretched out hand went to his mouth to stifle a laugh.

This situation was ridiculous.

Taeyong looked at him with an embarrassed but annoyed look. His soulmate’s eyes warned him as if he knew exactly what he was going to say, but Yuta couldn’t help himself.

“ _You should be more aware of your surroundings,”_ he said in a mocking tone, half laughing. Taeyong slapped his arm.

“Stop it.” But it wasn’t said viciously. Soon Taeyong let out a laugh as well, and they both shook their heads at their own clumsiness.

When Yuta came home half an hour later and strolled to his sink to take off his make-up, he noticed that a smile was still plastered on his face.  

 

* * *

 

Taeyong’s week after their third meeting had been quite hectic. He was at the dance school almost every day to prepare for an upcoming competition - the motivation to win was bigger than ever. He was so busy with preparations, that Jaehyun had to do practically everything that was related to everyday chores. Taeyong felt bad, but he had promised that from next week on he would help out more.

Today was Friday and it was the first free day he had in a long time. But instead of doing things he liked and enjoying his free time, the moment he laid down on the couch, he was out like a light, the exhaustion finally catching up with him.

Taeyong was woken from his sleep, when he heard a buzzing sound coming from the table. He tiredly rubbed his eyes and reached for his phone from his lying position. He turned on his back and unlocked his phone.

He sighed when he saw that it was already six pm. There went his free Friday. He also noticed he got two messages. He bit his lip. Both from Yuta and Taeil.

He and Yuta started texting since five days ago. It actually began by accident, when he wanted to text Mark if he was coming to dance training, but texted Yuta instead. He didn’t understand why he had put 'Nakamoto Yuta' in his contacts instead of just 'Yuta', or 'soulmate', but it had happened.

Yuta had replied cheekily that he would like to, but his dance moves weren’t the best, and after that, they had started talking almost every day. Taeyong didn’t like it. Especially not the fact that he felt the need to always reply and actually felt disappointed when Yuta took a long time in answering.

He opened Yuta’s message first.

 **Yuta:** _hey could we meet up a bit earlier tomorrow? It’s my friend’s b-day and I have to help prepare things for the party. Sorry!x_

Taeyong sighed. He had to give dance training until two pm. So that meant that he could be there at its earliest at four pm - considered he needed to shower first and travel to the destination. Taeyong opened the other message, hoping that it would contain some better news. Lately, he and Taeil had been texting a lot as well, and to be honest it gave him a good feeling. The elder had been a great friend since high school after all.

 **Taeil:** _hello Taeyong,  I was thinking lately and I actually would like to see you again. Are you free tomorrow? I know you have dance practice, but maybe you’re available after? I can pick you up if you want. But only if you want of course, don’t feel pressured!_

Taeyong blinked at his screen. Taeil wanted to see him again? Tomorrow? He couldn’t contain his smile. It sounded a lot like he was asking him out. Taeil wasn’t stupid, nor naïve, and he always thought a million times before sending messages. That was at least an indication that it was meant seriously.  In a bold mood he texted him back.

 **Taeyong:** _Are you asking me out on a date?_

Not even a minute later he got a reply that made his heart race.

 **Taeil:** _Yes, I think I am._

He pushed himself upright and thought for a moment, before answering him. He felt a bit ashamed, when he noticed that his hands were trembling.

 **Taeyong:** _In that case yes I’d love to._

It was a decision made in the spur of the moment, he knew that. In his defense, he genuinely liked Taeil. He was sweet, incredibly smart, caring and what not. Taeyong had told Taeil that he had a soulmate, but no interest in dating him before, and Taeil understood him. While Jaehyun thought he and Yuta would hit it off eventually, Taeil never picked up the subject again and just treated him the way he always did. And now Taeil even asked him out, fully aware of the fact that he had a soulmate. It made Taeyong feel flattered.

He quickly shot Yuta’s text a look. He couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed at his soulmate. It was ungrounded, but somehow he had looked forward to their meetups a lot lately. Of course a birthday of a friend was important, but Taeyong couldn’t help but feel let down. It was selfish of him, but if Yuta didn’t have time to meet up, why would it matter if he himself wasn’t available either?

Maybe Taeil was his shot of love outside the soulmate bond - he should grab the chance. Yuta and him as soulmates wouldn’t work anyway, the Japanese boy had made that clear, and he himself had said that as well. Yet he hesitated while texting Yuta back, feeling slightly guilty.

 **Taeyong:** _Hey, I actually can’t meet up tomorrow I already got something planned. Hope you don’t mind. Maybe we can meet up Sunday?_

Why didn’t it feel right? This was supposed to be their last meetup. Or… at least for this month. Right? They would probably see each other again next month as well, since they both liked to talk to each other. Or was that just him? Another buzz interrupted his thinking.

 **Yuta:** _Oh. No it’s okay. Sunday is fine. The city park at 12?_

He wondered if Yuta really thought if it’s okay, but he shook his head.

 **Taeyong:** _OK! See you there at 12! Have fun at the party._

Normally Yuta was the one who texted him last. He always had to have the last word. Even if it was just a ‘bye’, there would always follow another text.

This time there was none.

 

* * *

 

Taeyong walked through the door of the familiar café. It was Sunday and he was aware that he was ten minutes late.

Since it had rained this morning, everything in the park was bound to be wet, and Taeyong had suggested that they would go to the café where they met up a few times before. Yuta had just replied curtly and Taeyong couldn’t help but think his soulmate felt a bit offended.

His date with Taeil yesterday had been a lot of fun. The older, shorter male was a sweet guy and knew exactly what he wanted. That said he was also shy and cute when he wanted to be. After work the older boy had picked him up and after he had taken a shower in Taeil’s apartment they had lunch together and went to see a movie afterwards. He had hung out with the older boy on multiple occasions before, but this time it had really felt like a date. And Taeyong hadn’t disliked it. Taeil had shown him he cared, shyly pointing out things he liked about him.

He watched his soulmate stare out of the window with a serious expression on his face. Yeah… maybe it would be better this way.

When he arrived at the table he let out a ‘Hey’, but when Yuta looked at him, the other's eyes widened and his mouth opened up without saying a word.  

“What’s with you?” he asked Yuta and the latter quickly closed his mouth.

“Y-your hair is pink.”

Oh, yeah... he almost forgot about that. It had been quite an impulsive decision. The statement was the first thing Yuta said to him and Taeyong didn’t really know how to answer. Because, yes his hair was pink, yes he liked it himself, no he didn’t know why he felt so nervous with Yuta’s eyes on him like that.

He went through his hair with a hand. “Yeah, I wanted something different. Is it that bad?”

Yuta’s face turned into panic and he quickly shook his head. “No!” He scraped his throat embarrassingly, but shot him a smile. “I mean, no, it looks good on you. I just didn’t expect it, I guess.” Taeyong just blinked at him. A warm feeling went through his chest. It was like he finally felt relieved and satisfied at those words. But why did he care so much about what Yuta thought about his hair? He never cared about what other people thought about him, if people wanted to judge him, they would do it anyway.

Taeyong answered Yuta with a smile of his own. “Thank you, I’m glad at least someone likes it.”

“Huh, people seriously don’t like it?”

Taeyong shrugged, “People fully accept people being gay, but a boy with pink hair is still a difficult thing for them to grasp apparently.”

“Ah… well… not your problem, right?”

Taeyong smirked. “Definitely not my problem.” Then he remembered their last text conversation. “Oh how was the party by the way, for your friend?” A leftover from the annoyed feeling back then returned shortly. Yuta smiled at him, but it wasn’t as dazzling as other times.

“The party was fun. Hansol normally doesn’t like parties, but he was still really happy and thankful.”

“Wasn’t Hansol the guy I met at the park?”

“Yep that’s him,” he said and he looked Taeyong in the eyes, “He’s my best friend, so that’s why I really had to help preparing.” It half sounded like an apology and it made Taeyong feel bad. Of course he would want to help prepare a party for his best friend. And all _he_ could do was being childish and go on a date with someone else. Not that he regretted meeting up with Taeil yesterday...

“I see.” Now he gave Yuta a better look, he didn’t seem tired or hungover. In fact - and Taeyong found himself unable to look away - he looked really pretty today. But _really_ pretty. Instead of the black, wide choker that Yuta normally wore, he was wearing a golden thin one that was right under his red string and actually accentuated the golden letters of his own name. The make-up he had put on was subtle and applied really well, the thin black lines above his eyes making them more noticeable. His bangs were partly clipped away and the rest of his hair looked very soft, but styled into perfection.

Had Yuta always looked like this? Sure, Taeyong had thought he looked handsome before, but now it was different. Could Yuta perhaps have done his best to look good… for him?

_Of course not, Taeyong. How cocky can you be._

“Uhm… Taeyong?” Yuta’s voice interrupted his thoughts and he felt blood rise to his cheeks when he realized he had been staring. Yuta looked at him with an unreadable expression. Then he averted his gaze shortly and shook his head.

“So… how was your uh… thingy yesterday?”

Taeyong opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again, unsure what to say. Somehow he didn’t want to tell him about his date with Taeil. Taeyong felt a confusion he never felt before. Yesterday when Taeil had kissed his cheek and wished him goodnight, he had known for sure that _that_ was what he wanted. But now, sitting here with Yuta who was looking like _this_ and with who he could talk so well, he didn’t know anymore.

But lying to him would be worse.

“I met up with a friend that I’ve known from middle school. He’s a very busy person, but was free yesterday. When he asked if I wanted to meet up I- uh…” and the rest of his words got stuck in his throat.

“You couldn’t let the chance pass,” Yuta finished for him and he smiled at him. “No hard feelings. Friends are important. And maintaining friendships even more so.”

Why was every answer Yuta gave him so perfect.

Taeyong scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah… I guess you’re right.” And the conversation about their Saturdays ended there.

They talked for a long time after that, and Taeyong forgot about all his worries for the moment. He felt like he could talk freely like never before, and he had a great time. The fun thing was, that with every conversation they had, he got to know his soulmate a little better.

 _Maybe keeping him as a friend wouldn’t be so bad._ Taeyong thought, when Yuta laughed out loud over his own story. It was the same sound as he remembered from his dream from a week ago and a fond feeling warmed his chest.

Suddenly their eyes met and Yuta looked really happy, a lively twinkle in his eye. Then Yuta’s smile turned somewhat shy and Taeyong jumped inwardly when their feet touched under the table. At first Taeyong thought it happened accidentally, but when after another moment Yuta’s foot nudged his softly, he knew it wasn’t.

And he honestly didn’t know what to do. It was like suddenly his body filled with some kind of adrenaline and his heart pounded a little faster. Yuta acted like nothing happened or _was happening_ and continued talking.

“It’s a shame the weather is getting worse and worse though, I liked sitting in the park.”

“Y-yeah me too.” And Taeyong felt like hitting his head against the table at his little stutter. Yuta seemed to enjoy his struggle, and softly hit Taeyong’s instep with his heel. Taeyong just stared at Yuta in disbelief. The latter laughed at his look.

“Everything all right?” Yuta asked in mock innocence.

“Oh now you’re just teasing,” Taeyong said back and put his own foot on top of Yuta’s. The atmosphere was so weird, but somehow he didn’t really care. His mind was asking him what in the hell he was doing, but his body was reacting on his own.

Yuta hid his smile behind his hands that were clasped together and leaning on the table. “Am I now?”

They both jolted in their seats when Yuta’s phone rang. The Japanese boy gave him an apologetic smile and picked up. “Yes? Hansol?”

Taeyong saw how Yuta’s face turned focused as he listened to his friend. A hand shot to his mouth when he tried to stifle a laugh.

“Well, I’m actually- no, no it’s okay. Don’t worry I’ll be there,” Yuta finally said and he hung up. Taeyong looked at him questioningly.

“It’s a complicated story, but the conclusion is that Hansol needs my help.” And Yuta bit his lip. “Would I be a real asshole right now if I said I needed to leave?” and Taeyong could swear his heart skipped a beat.

“N-no, I mean he’s your friend. If he needs your help, then I think you should go.”

Yuta still seemed to hesitate and searched his eyes. “Only if you really don’t mind, otherwise I can just tell hi-“

“Yuta go,” Taeyong said gently. Did he want Yuta to leave? No, not really. But maybe it would be better for him as well if the Japanese boy left now. He had a lot to figure out himself after today.

\---

“Okay then.” Yuta said and stood up. He didn’t want to leave. He was having such a great time with his soulmate today. Things had become clear for him in the last few days. He liked Taeyong. He liked how he was rough on the outside, but sweet on the inside. How he always carefully listened to everything he said, how good he looked every time they met. It should’ve been obvious from the beginning, but it was only now that Yuta understood.

He was actually falling for his soulmate.

It was ridiculous, and if he would tell his self from a few weeks ago, he would tell him he had lost his mind. But there was no denying his feelings and he acted on them. He also knew that Taeyong noticed. How could he not? Taeyong even went along with his flirty behavior and it made Yuta feel good. He didn’t know what the Korean boy thought about him exactly, but he couldn’t help but feel hopeful. Maybe things could work between them after all.

Taeyong mirrored his actions and stood up as well. When Yuta shot him a quizzical look, he just shrugged.

“I could walk you to the bus station. I mean, I’m not going to sit here on my own.”

And Yuta felt himself blush. It wasn’t fair.

They walked outside together, and even though it wasn’t as warm as it had been the last weeks, Yuta still didn’t feel cold with Taeyong so close to him. It was a quiet walk to the bus station, but it felt comfortable. However, a nervous feeling took hold of him.

Yuta was aware of the fact that Taeyong was walking him to the bus station to spend more time with him, because the other usually had to go the other way. it made him oddly happy. He looked down at their arms. They were walking close, so close. Yuta felt like - if he decided to move his hand a little to the left - their hands would touch. Was Taeyong walking so close to him on purpose, or was it just him?

 _'well why the fuck not',_  Yuta thought and with all the courage he could muster he slowly moved his hand a little to the left. Their pinkies touched and he could see Taeyong jump from the corner of his eye. The Korean boy immediately pulled his hand back.

_Oh well at least I tried_

Then, to Yuta’s utter surprise, he heard a deep intake of breath from next to him and in the next moment he felt Taeyong intertwine their little fingers together. Yuta stiffened and his heart began to beat rapidly at the touch. He felt warmth spreading through his whole body and a happy feeling made his head feel a little lighter.

They didn’t say anything and when they reached the bus stop Taeyong immediately released their fingers. Yuta turned toward him.

“I had a lot of fun today, thank you.” And Taeyong’s cheeks reddened obviously. Yuta thought it was cute.

“Yeah...” Taeyong said and his eyes lingered on his own. “Me too.”

“See you next time, right?” Yuta asked tentatively. Officially this was supposed to be their last meeting. A month had gone by after all. But this couldn’t be the end, right? Taeyong’s next words reassured him.

“Yeah...”

“Do you know other words than ‘yeah’?” He couldn’t help but ask with a smirk.

Taeyong huffed, but smiled at him. “See you next time Yuta.” and Yuta’s bus arrived at that exact moment. He hesitated for a moment, but he felt like he had to say it.

“Let’s make next time a meeting out of free will, okay?” Taeyong looked at him with surprise, but his expression turned gentler right after.

“I can live with that.”

Yuta patted him on the chest awkwardly. “Okay.” And he bit his lip, happy with the answer. “See you next Saturday. I’ll text you.” With those words he quickly turned around and stepped into the bus. It drove away almost immediately.

Yuta slumped back in his seat, hiding his face in his hands. He had never felt like this before, but it felt amazing. With trembling hands he send Hansol a message.

 **Yuta:** _I’m heading your way._

Then he sent him another.

 **Yuta:** _Hansol, I think I’m in love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my chapters aren’t too monotonous with all their meetings and stuff, but oh well the four 'official' meetings have come to an end^^” please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I’m really curious and of course I hope you enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it! of course critism is welcome as well.  
> btw the title of this chapter was inspired by the song from produce 101 performed by Boys Under the Moon (one of my fav teams;-;). The lyrics of the song relate to the content of this chapter quite a bit.❤ 
> 
> time line of this chapter (for possible confusion): saturday morning -> same saturday 3:30 pm (their third meeting) -> the Friday after their third meeting -> Sunday 12:00 (their fourth and supposed last meeting)
> 
> I do have a warning though. The story is far from over. The whole thing is going to be around 10-13 chapters (so we’re almost halfway through.)  
> I always write such long author’s notes lmao, someone stop meXD


	6. One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwaa this chapter turned out so long that I had to divide it into two parts. I’m pretty nervous about this one, but I hope it turned out okay! I'm at least happy I finished it quicker than I originally thought.  
> Seriously thank you for your support, I felt really happy when I saw the story reached 1000 hits and almost 100 kudos;-;❤

Yuta had found shelter from the rain under the roof of the familiar bus stop close to the café he and Taeyong had met up a few times before. Two days ago Taeyong had promised that he would pick him up at the bus stop and then they’d walk to the restaurant together to have dinner.

There was only one problem. And Yuta looked at his phone for the nth time in twenty minutes.

Taeyong hadn’t shown up. Yet.

The Japanese male shivered when a cold blast of wind blew past, and he carefully flattened his bangs with his hand after the wind had ruffled it out of shape. Hopefully his soulmate would show up soon, because he hadn’t looked the best he could for it to be ruined by the weather. He quickly sent Taeyong a text.

 **Yuta:** _Hey you almost there?x_

He sighed and put his phone away. _Stay positive Yuyu_. He ignored the frustration of the moment and tried to focus on the good feeling he had since two days ago - when he last saw Taeyong.

It seemed like such an unbelievable thing to happen, but they had accidentally met at the supermarket - Yuta reasoned it must've been a soulmate thing. When Yuta had gathered all the stuff he needed in his shopping bag, he had almost walked into his soulmate. After exchanging their mutual surprise, Yuta had waited for the other to finish his quick shopping. Afterwards, Taeyong had sheepishly offered to walk him home. Yuta remembered his heart beating faster than ever before. It had felt like there was really growing something between them.

Those feelings had only intensified when they held hands practically all the way to his student residence. A smile appeared on Yuta’s face at the memory. They had talked a bit more on the way and when they had arrived at Yuta’s place, Taeyong had smiled at him. It left Yuta awestruck, and he remembered the way his own face had lit up in a smile as well. Before Taeyong could leave, he had given the other a soft peck on the cheek, laughing when Taeyong’s cheeks had turned an intense red color.

After that, they had texted each other and planned today: The first Saturday of the new month, a meeting out of free will. A fresh start. Yuta had felt truly happy and had immediately called Hansol and Johnny to shyly ask his friends what he should wear.

But…

Another ten minutes had passed and Yuta bit his lip in frustration. _H_ _e’ll show up. He will._ He told himself. He looked at his phone again, but there was no message. No indication that Taeyong had read it or was planning on showing up.

He sat down on the bench in the bus stop, only jumping up again when he felt the spot was wet from the rain that had seeped through the roof. So now his pants were ruined as well. Great.

Yuta tried to retain his hope. The other must’ve forgotten the time. That would be really troublesome and he would surely tell Taeyong that he was an asshole. He was sure his soulmate would immediately apologize and ask for forgiveness. After all, Taeyong was a gentle person had showed he at least liked him a little as well.

When another fifteen minutes passed, his frustration and fear only grew. It was now a quarter to seven and he was cold. On top of that, his feet started to hurt from standing for so long. He swallowed and tried to keep his head and shoulders straight when people walked past him under an umbrella or running with their hoods on. Naturally buses stopped at the place as well, but he’d always let the driver know that, no, he didn’t need to get on. 

He fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed Taeyong’s number. It immediately went to voicemail. Yuta cursed in Japanese and pressed the red button. He called again and after he heard the familiar beep again, he started to talk.

“Hey Taeyong, it's me Yuta. I uh... I don’t know if you remember, but we’re supposed to meet up at the bus stop today… You haven’t shown up yet, so I guess you forgot… Uhm...” He swallowed again. “Could you call me back please? Is everything okay? W-well, that was it. Bye. Hope to see you soon.”

And with those words he hung up.

He decided he would wait for a bit longer. Maybe Taeyong had just messed up the hour. He himself in any case was sure he had the time right, since he’d read the text Taeyong had send him over and over again. He felt silly and stupid, but he guessed that was what love could do to you. Johnny and even Hansol weren’t afraid of reminding him of that fact with smug smiles every time they met up.

Time seemed to pass incredibly slowly. Eventually the clock of the church a few streets away struck seven, and Yuta felt a wave of hopelessness running through his body. It hurt. He didn’t want to admit it, wanting to believe that Taeyong would show up any second. But he knew.

Taeyong wouldn’t show up.

Yuta looked up at the roof of the bus stop and closed his eyes for a moment, letting the feelings of disappointment and anger cloud his mind with his fists balled. Without thinking he grabbed his phone again.

 **Yuta:** _Taeyong… were you even planning on showing up? I’ve been waiting for over an hour now ,so I’m going home._

He wanted to curse at him over the phone but didn’t. Apparently his mind was still hoping that there would be a logical explanation.

He waited another twenty minutes, before the next bus arrived that would take him home. Once he arrived at his dorm room, soaking wet, he quickly ridded himself from the pretty clothes he was wearing, to change into more comfortable ones. He threw the clothes in the corner of the room with rapid breathing. Then he walked to his sink and looked at himself in the mirror.

He hated how he had looked so good. _For him_. With trembling hands he reached to his make-up wipes and went through his face after getting one out of the package. His eyeliner came off smoothly and when he looked back in the mirror, he felt a lump in his throat and a sting behind his eyes.

“No, no, you’re not going to cry over him. No way Yu-“ He tried to tell himself stubbornly, but his voice broke and he felt a few tears trickle from his eyes. Roughly he immediately rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times. Then he took a deep stuttering breath and went to sit down on his bed.

An hour later he had fallen asleep like that, his phone on top of the pile of clothes in the corner of his room.                                                                          

 

* * *

 

 _"Hey Taeyong, it's Yuta. I uh.. I don’t know if you remember, but we’re supposed to meet up at the bus stop today… You haven’t shown up yet so I guess you forgot… Uhm..”_  A pause. _"Could you call me back please? Is everything okay? W-well that was it. Bye. Hope to see you soon.”_

Taeyong sat on the couch with his head in his hands as he repeated the voicemail over and over again. Guilt rippled through him like a storm and he wanted to do everything to refrain Yuta from sounding like _that_. He fucked up. And he knew it. The intense feeling of self-hate made his body feel weak. But he deserved to feel that way.

Things hadn’t gone according to plan at all.

They weren’t supposed to grow _this_ close. He himself wasn’t supposed to hold his soulmate’s hand on their way to _his_ apartment. He wasn’t supposed to blush at the kiss _he_ left on his cheek. And yet he had thrown away his views about soulmates and had gone along with the other’s flirting like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It had been a mistake.

That was made clear when his mother called him last Thursday night. She never called. He remembered the conversation they had with a heavy heart.

_“Mom, why are you calling so late?”_

_“He’s back,” she simply said and Taeyong felt a deep hatred going through his body at her words. Because he instantly knew who she was talking about._

_“W-what?! Mom, I’m coming to you right now. He has no righ-“_

_“Shush, my boy. It’s all right. I just- He came here because he wanted to see you. No rather, he demanded to see his son.” Then a sarcastic laugh. “I told him… well something I’m not going to repeat.”_

_Taeyong felt incredibly angry. How dared he? After all the things he’d done to them. How did he dare show up at his mother’s frontstep just like that, demanding things he had no right to._

_“I’m still coming towards you. I won’t feel at ease otherwise.” His mother didn't immediately say something back as if she was considering his words. Taeyong waited patiently._

_“Okay,” she eventually said. “I think I’d feel more at ease as well.” And that was enough to convince Taeyong that his mother needed him at the moment._

The trip to his mother had been long and exhausting, physically as well as emotionally draining. When he had arrived, his mother had looked so tired. She looked restless, and he knew she wasn’t over everything that happened. Not even after ten years.

_“It’s the soulmate bond,” she told him. “It makes you long for this person. Even if he hurt you. Even if he left you.”_

_His mother was still a lovely and amazingly strong woman, but Taeyong had also noticed that here was something missing - A lively spark._

It was all his father’s fault.

_“I see fate found you your soulmate as well,” she said to him with a sad smile on her face while touching his red string. And immediatelly Taeyong wanted to tell her about Yuta. Who he was, how it was actually going well between them. But when he looked at his mother, his feelings turned dark. He just couldn't get the words over his tongue._

_“I-I did,” he simply said._

_His mother sighed. "How I wish we could all live freely, choosing our love independently,” she said  and she touched the string on her own wrist. Taeyong saw the ever present band-aid above it, covering the name of her (ex-)husband and soulmate. Then she looked at him and touched his cheek. “Don’t let this string and its consequences bring you to the same mistakes that I made. Live happily for your mother, okay? Live without fate’s hold and only follow what’s there.” And she touched the place where his heart was._

_Taeyong hadn’t seen it much, but his mother cried then. And he hated it. He hated how the supposed soulmate bond brought her to this. How it ruined everything. If it wasn’t there… his mother would’ve been happy, they would’ve been happy._

He wouldn’t make the same mistakes as she did. Even if it meant breaking contact with Yuta. Yes, it hurt him. More deeply than he thought it would. But then again… it was fate who brought them together. Fate who made him feel this way for a guy he barely knew.

He should memorize it; It was all forced. It wasn’t real - just an illusion created by a cruel fate.

“How many times are you going to replay it?” Came a voice from close by and Taeyong jumped in his seat, torn from his thoughts. When he looked up, Jaehyun was standing in front of him, looking at him with a disappointed look and clicking the home button of his phone on the table, making the room go quiet.

“I was just-“ He tried to say, but Jaehyun just shook his head and interrupted him.

“You’re an idiot, Taeyong. Why are you letting the past control your life?” He gestured to his phone. “And not only your life... You’re hurting another person as well.”

It stung. Jaehyun’s words really stung.

“It’s better like this,” he said with a hoarse voice. He didn’t look at his friend, he couldn’t. He hated to disappoint people, especially people close to him. But it seemed like it was all he did. Jaehyun, his mother, Yuta…

Jaehyun laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. It somehow felt comforting.

“I’m not agreeing with what you’re doing here… But I’m here for you. You’re an asshole and the most stubborn person in the world, but the last thing I want is for you to question our friendship or think you have to distance yourself from me.”

His friend’s words were so touching that Taeyong felt his eyes sting. How in the world did he deserve a friend like him?

“I-I need a drink,” he said as he stood up with slumped shoulders.

“It won’t make you feel better.”

“I know. I wasn’t planning on it.”

 

* * *

 

A month passed just like that. It was the worst month of Yuta’s life.

Despite being angry at Taeyong, he had still send him a few texts the following day, asking if the other was alright. After all, it was strange that the other hadn’t answered him, right? It wasn't like his  soulmate to do so, so he couldn’t help but worry.

After a week of hearing nothing, his worries had only intensified. However a bitterness had found a way in his heart as well. He wasn’t the only one who noticed.

_“Yuta, no offense, but you look terrible,” Johnny said to him with a worried look when they were sitting at the kitchen table with just the two of them._

_Yuta shrugged and dragged a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to tell me. Don’t you think I look in the mirror?” He shot back_ _in annoyance_. _Johnny just stared at him, shaking his head. Yuta saw pity in his friend’s eyes. He didn’t like it._

_“Don’t look at me like that. I’m okay.”_

_Johnny let out a sarcastic laugh. “No, you’re not. I can’t believe he did this to you.”_

_“It was doomed to fail anyway. I mean, he didn’t want it, I didn’t. I honestly don’t know what I was expecting to happen,” he tried to say casually._

_“Stop that.”_

_“What?”_

_“Acting like you don’t care. It doesn’t suit you, Yuta.” And the Japanese_ _boy felt_ _a pang in his chest when his friend used his real name._

Johnny was right. He was not okay. He had thought that after a few weeks the ugly feelings would subside, but every morning he found himself grabbing his phone, anxiously looking if there was a new message.

Taeyong never messaged him again. No call, no indication that he was even there. His Facebook page was still there, but he hadn’t responded there either, nor posted anything else.

It was as if their meetings had never happened in the first place. Like it was just an illusion his mind had created. The only thing that proved it had been real was the red string around his neck with the golden letters that spelled his soulmate’s name above it. But whereas he had been proud of it all those weeks ago, he now felt the need the rip it off and erase its existence.

Naturally he had gone back to wearing his chokers to cover it. He also refused to go to the park anymore, knowing the memories of his and Taeyong’s talks would occupy his thoughts if he went there.

“Yu?” Hansol asked. They were sitting in Yuta’s room and had just finished watching some anime. Yuta had completely forgotten the other was there and he shot his friend an apologetic smile.

“Sorry what did you just say?”

Hansol sighed at his words. “I said, do you want to have dinner now or wait for a bit?”

“Ah… It doesn’t really matter to me. Whatever _you_ want.”

“Yuta… I think.” And the other took a deep breath. “I think we should talk abou-“

Suddenly Yuta gasped when he felt an unexpected pressure around his neck. His hands shot to his choker, checking if he had gotten stuck somewhere, but there wasn’t anything wrong. It was still in its same spot.

Then why did it feel like someone had just wrapped his hands around his throat.

“Hey? Yuta? Is everything okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Hansol asked worriedly. Yuta nervously darted his eyes through the room. He had a guess at what was happening. And it scared the hell out of him.

“Uh, to be honest, Hansol… I don’t feel so good. I think it’s better if you go. I might take a nap.” And his laugh sounded nervous. Hansol looked at him suspiciously and Yuta knew his friend didn't buy his fake excuse. He surprised him by his next words.

“Okay.” And Hansol actually stood up and grabbed his bag and jacket. The weather had worsened, demanding protection from the cold and possible rain. When he was standing in the door opening, Hansol turned around.

“Yuta… Don’t shut us out. That’s all I ask of you. We’re worried, Johnny and I. You’re not acting like yourself.”

Yuta swallowed heavily and looked down, fumbling with his hands. It was embarrassing how both of his best friends had called him out on his behavior. But they were right - he shouldn’t shut them out. He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to move on, but he blamed the soulmate bond for it. It wasn’t just a heartbreak, it felt like something was pulled away from him harshly, like he was missing a part of himself. He looked at Hansol.

“I know, but don’t worry. I won’t. I just need some more time.”

“I’m glad you finally admit it… See you later, Yu.” And with those words his best friend walked away and closed the door behind him.

As soon as Hansol was gone, Yuta sped towards his nightstand and rummaged through the bottom drawer. He almost thought they weren’t there anymore, until he saw the familiar strip with light blue pills. He let out a sigh of relief. For a moment he thought he had thrown them away earlier. He headed over to his mirror and took off his choker.

It wasn’t really obvious, not visible for the eye, but it _was_ tighter than normal.

His string was tightening.

Yuta touched the red thread and he gritted his teeth in anger. This was bad. It didn’t hurt, but the indication was clear - they had fucked up. Every bit of their relationship had disappeared. He quickly wondered for how long Taeyong’s string had been tightening. It must’ve been a week or at least a few days already since the Korean boy was far more sensitive to their bond than he was.

What he knew for sure, was that Taeyong had done something. Something that had caused _his_ string to tighten as well. He didn’t know what it was, what had triggered it, but this wasn’t happening just because they hadn’t seen each other in so long.

_What did you do, Taeyong?_

He debated calling the hospital, but decided against it. He didn’t want to, because then what? They would meet again with hateful eyes? They would be thrown into therapy for sure, something that Yuta knew he _and_ Taeyong were too stubborn for. He wasn’t ready for that confrontation anyway.

Without thinking he took his phone from his bed and tapped Taeyong’s name in his contact folder. There was fear in his chest and he was afraid he would start hyperventilating if he didn’t calm down. With trembling hand he held the phone to his ear. It rang once, twice, thrice…

After the eighth ring, he pressed the red button roughly and threw his phone on the bed.

 

* * *

  

It was only two days later that he got the phone call.

Yuta saw the caller ID, and for a moment he was _so_ shocked, that he didn’t know what to do. Different emotions danced through his mind; Relief, frustration, anger, a bit of everything. Only after the fourth ring, his body seemed to cooperate again. With shaky hands he picked up the phone.

“T-Taeyong, is that you?” He asked immediately. He hated how all his anger disappeared for the moment and an intense feeling of relief filled his body. He had longed to hear his voice so bad.

_“Yeah… It’s me.”_

 Yuta couldn’t find words. He wanted to scream at him, to let out every bit of hurt and frustration he had felt throughout the last month. But instead nothing came out. He didn’t know how to handle the situation at all. After a few seconds of silence he decided to start with the obvious question. In the meantime he tried to keep his voice steady.

“So, what do you want?”

_“I uhm… We need to meet up.”_

And it was like it was the exact answer Yuta was waiting for, for his anger to return full-fledged.

“Wait, let me guess,” he started sarcastically. “Your string tightened and now you want to use me to lessen the pain.” He gripped his phone a little tighter, leaving a pause for the other to answer.

 _“What do you want me to say, Yuta?”_   The other said with obvious frustration in his voice. _“Yes, that’s exactly the reason.”_

“Listen Taeyong, you can’t expect me to meet up with you just because _you_ screwed up.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I refuse to meet up with you. Even talking with you feels like wasting my energy.”

 _“I get it. I get it, but I’m the one in pain here.”_ Then he quickly corrected himself. _“That came out wrong… I mean... Look, I just don’t want to have this pain for the rest of my life._ _I want to live_ _my life normally. Be glad you don’t have to deal with it.”_

It frustrated Yuta so much that he felt like screaming. Taeyong couldn’t know _he_ was suffering as well, but how dare he call and demand things he had no right to. _He_ was the one that had disappeared for a month, _he_ was the one that screwed up everything. Yuta was getting more and more tired of this. The stress from the last month - especially the last couple of days - were taking its toll. The effects of the medicine didn’t help lessen it at all.

“You have some nerve Taeyong,” he spat at him. “Be glad I’m too tired because of this fucking medicine to actually tell you _exactly_ what I think about you right now. I don’t owe you anything.” He seriously felt like hanging up on him.

_“What are you talking about? What medicine? You don’t mean-“_

Yuta laughed bitterly. “Yes, Taeyong. _Medicine_. Because of your antics my string has been tightening since a few days ago. I called you, but you never picked up, apparently too busy leading your life to give a damn.”

_“I- I didn’t know… It was never my intention to-“_

But Yuta didn’t let him finish, feeling like he needed to let out all of his frustration _._ “I could’ve called the hospital as I was supposed to, because it’s in fact dangerous for _me_. Guess what? I didn’t, because I actually care. Yes, even at this point I care about what _you_ would think, and I hate it.” He drew a few breaths to calm himself down. “So, tell me, Taeyong, what was _so_ important to you that you decided to put my life on the line? I deserve to at least know that much.” After his words it was silent for a moment, and Yuta almost thought his soulmate had hung up on him. That was, until Taeyong spoke again.

_“I started dating someone... B-but I swear I didn’t know your string would tighten as well. I never meant to hurt you.”_

It was said in a regretful tone, but Yuta didn’t notice, because he was _furious_. Did Taeyong really think that dating someone else would be good for their bond? Besides that…It hurt. He had expected for it to hurt less, but it felt like all air was punched out of his chest. He felt like suffocating, and his tightening string wasn’t the reason. He gripped his phone tightly.

“Dating huh? Taeyong, you know what? Go fuck yourself. Or your new ‘lover’. I’m not meeting up with you. Forget it. I can't believe you actually treated what we had as a joke. I wanted to become friends with you, because you know, your fucking name is on my neck. I tried, because I don’t want to be confronted with your name every.. Single. Time I look in the mirror and feel an intense hate." He paused for a moment before continuing. Unconsciously his voice turned to a sadder tone. "I honestly wanted to give us a chance. After all, I was attracted to you from the very start. I just didn’t want to give in to it, because I was _supposed_ to hate you.”

 _“Yuta, please don’t do this,”_ Taeyong pleaded. His voice sounded broken. Yuta didn’t care.

“Oh no, I hated myself for it! Because even if the talks were forced upon us, I liked hanging out with you, liked our conversations. We opened up to each other about so much… Ha, I even fell in lo- No forget it. I’m done with this.”

 _“Wait! Yuta wait! don’t hang up!”_ There was so much desperation in the other's voice that Yuta couldn’t actually hang up on him.

“Why shouldn't I?”

 _“I…”_ He began. " _You have all the rights to be angry. I just had a really **really** shitty month. So much happened, I don’t even know where to start… I was confronted with the exact reason why I hated fate in the first place. My mother… She… I couldn’t do it, Yuta. I couldn’t give in to us, to what was growing between us…”_  He stopped talking and Yuta felt himself trembling. He closed his eyes harshly and pressed his lips together in a thin line. He hated how there was still this tiny part of him that felt bad for Taeyong.

It wasn’t fair.

_“Please meet me, Yuta. Just this once. You never have to see me again after that, I promise. Just… please...”_

Yuta groaned in frustration. “You keep doing this, pushing and pulling.” Then he considered for a moment. Somewhere, deep down, he wanted to see the other. In fact, he had been longing for it all this time. Whenever he tried to think about anyone or anything else, there seemed to be this invisible leash, pulling his thoughts back to his soulmate. 

“Fine. But get your shit together. Pleading doesn’t suit you.” And with that Yuta ended the call.

A shaking breath left his mouth, and he let his hands drop to his side, his phone dropping to the floor as a result. Then he let himself fall backwards on his bed and covered his eyes with an arm, his breathing coming out irregular. He shouldn’t have given in. He knew it. Tears of frustration threatened to fall, but he was able to blink them away.

“Why? Why in the world did I fall for you?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah well that was it! I really hoped you guys still enjoyed it even if it was angsty (and pretty rushed?) Please let me know what you thought about the chapter in a comment! I love reading those a lot!
> 
> Okay let me talk about Cherry Bomb, because I'm really asking myself why I'm still alive. WHAT EVEN WAS THAT SONG??!! I'M SO SHOOK AND I LOVE IT. Also the whole album is a-ma-zing and I immediately ordered it.  
> ALSO, YUTA WAS SO SWEET AND SASSY IN THE COMEBACK SHOWCASE I'M CRYING.  
> ~honEy D


	7. I (Can't) Let You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I was so happy with all the kudo’s, comments and love I received in the last chapter. Thank you, It means a lot!❤
> 
> The seventh chapter is here! The reason for the fast update is that some scenes were already written from the start. It was kind of a moment I worked towards haha. (along with the phone call scene from last chapter, which was one of the first scenes I wrote for this story)  
> I’m still a bit nervous about it though, hoping it won’t disappoint. Anywaays, I really hope you’ll enjoy it^-^

When Yuta walked into the familiar little cafe, he immediately noticed Taeyong, sitting at their usual spot by the window. He could instantly see that the other looked really tired. His face was still striking as ever, but his sunken cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes were obviously present. He was also holding his wrist like he was in a lot of pain. Yuta's anger dissipated a bit at the sight; at least he wasn't the only one suffering.

“You look awful,” Yuta said while taking place opposite of his soulmate. Taeyong jolted in his seat. After he had retaken his composure, he went through his hair with his hand nervously.

“I'm well aware." There was no bite to it. "You too.” He looked away then. A little softer he added, “I ordered you a latté caramel.”

To control his nerves and still present anger Yuta took a sip from his cup. “Thanks.” He let a short silence fall before he took a deep breath and searched his soulmate’s eyes.

“Now talk.”

“R-right…” Taeyong was very obviously fidgety - almost anxious and Yuta could see he was having a difficult time. He dropped his vicious attitude a little at that, realizing it wouldn’t help them talking civilly. A short silence followed. It was a weird atmosphere. Yuta had come inside the café with so much anger that he was afraid he would start yelling the moment he saw his soulmate’s face. Taeyong deserved it, for making him feel so miserable. But now, in the moment itself, he couldn’t. He blamed himself for being _weak_ like that.

“I know I fucked up,” Taeyong said eventually, fumbling with his hands. This time he did look Yuta in the eye. “I’m sorry Yuta. I- there were things going on." Then a bit more desperate, “I never meant to hurt you, I swear.”

“But you did," Yuta stated, gripping his own hands in his lap tightly. “And I’m not even talking about the tightening string. Back then I waited for you, but you never showed up. I texted you, called you, but you just acted like I didn’t exist. And now you expect me to act like nothing happened and talk with you civilly?”

Taeyong looked away at his words and bit his lip. It made Yuta feel a little better when he saw the guilty look on his face, however cruel that may be.

“I- it hurt me as well,” Taeyong said, not meeting Yuta’s eyes. “I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but… If I could’ve done it any other way I would have.”

“Bullshit,” Yuta shot at him with an indignant look. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes. “I get that you had a difficult past, but I’m a human being with feelings. And beside that... Didn’t you at least have a guess about what could happen when you started dating someone else?”

“So I can’t date anyone in the rest of my life, is that what you mean?” Taeyong asked back. He probably saw the sudden anger in Yuta’s eyes, because he immediately apologized

“Sorry that was…” He sighed heavily, dragging a hand over his face. “What we had Yuta… it wasn’t fake. I really cared-” He shook his head. “Care about you. I just- I’ve seen what a soulmate bond can do. How much damage it can cause. I don’t want that. I can’t take the risk.” His tone was soft as if he was pleading for Yuta to understand. And he _did_ , Yuta could understand his reasoning. Not too long ago he even thought like that himself. However, in the end Yuta had changed his mind.

But Taeyong hadn’t.

It was then that it clicked.

Even though it broke his heart, Yuta was sure he couldn’t change his soulmate’s mind. Ever. The Korean boy was way too hung up about his past. Yuta shook his head. He should’ve known and protected himself when he got the chance. But of course he had stubbornly decided to cling to his feelings for the other and try to make things work between them.

But it was never meant to work in the first place.

Yuta looked at his soulmate. He looked so restless, as if he hadn’t slept for days. It tugged at his heartstrings. Even now when he should feel angry at him, he felt sorry for him too. 

He sighed heavily and groaned, burrying his head in his hands. “What are we even doing? We both hate this soulmate thing and because of it we suffer even more.” Then he added in a soft voice, “after today... I think we should stop this once and for all.”

The sudden change in their argument obviously caught Taeyong off guard. But Yuta was surprised that the other didn’t look relieved. No, he looked just as hurt as before. He tried to smile at Taeyong and took a deep breath. _Well let’s just talk for a bit and get everything over with._

“S-so you’re dating right? He… uh does he or she know?”

Taeyong looked at him with wide eyes before answering. “Y-yeah he does…” Another silence fell and the Korean boy looked at the ceiling. Yuta could see his frustration, his doubt. ”He makes me happy,” he added softly.

Yuta smiled at him tiredly even though he felt a pang in his chest. “That’s the most positive thing I've heard today to be honest. Good for you. At least it’s a start.”

“But… Fuck.” Taeyong pulled on his pink strands, now laced with black. “You’re way too nice to me, I don’t deserve that.” Yuta swallowed hard and he could see that Taeyong was hesitating to say something else. Yuta shot him a confused look. Finally Taeyong continued, eyes on the coffee in his hands.

“He makes me happy... But he’s not my soulmate. I feel- I know it’s different. It doesn’t feel the same. But I still want to, no _need_ to try it. I need to give love outside this soulmate bond a try. If I don’t I-”

“If you don’t, you wouldn’t forgive yourself, am I right?”

“Yeah… I’m so sorry Yuta.”

And Yuta really believed he was. He still felt his chest tightening painfully and his head pound. He hated how it hurt so much to hear. He never wanted to fall in love with this guy who never wore his heart on his sleeve, who didn’t feel the same way he felt about him, but who was an honest to god good person.

“Yuta?” The concern in Taeyong’s voice didn’t make him feel any better. He felt a lump form in his throat and the _last_ thing he wanted to do was cry in front of Taeyong. Especially knowing his feelings were unrequited. He looked at the ceiling and blinked a few times, but the tiredness and all of the emotions he had felt in the past month became too much and Yuta could feel a few tears slip past.

He quickly rubbed his eyes and let out a bitter laugh. “I’m so pathetic," he whispered. There was no way he could look at Taeyong.

“I hate myself for this.”

It was said softly but Yuta could feel the hurt in other's voice. Taeyong continued with his head in his hands. “I just became the person I never wanted to be.” And Yuta instantly knew he was talking about his dad.

“Don’t say that. You know it’s not like that,” Yuta said desperately, reaching out to Taeyong to hold his trembling hands. “We are different remember? We won’t make the same mistakes as they did.” He tried to sound positive but the it sounded so _wrong_. Their eyes met, and to Yuta it felt like they were, in some way, sharing their feelings. It was like he knew exactly what Taeyong was going to say next and he shook his head in denial.

“But Yuta.” and he could swear he heard Taeyong’s voice break. “We already did.”

The words hit Yuta like a brick and time seemed to slow down. He instantly felt his eyes water.

He was right. Taeyong was _so_ right.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he had known it all along. But only now Taeyong had said it out loud, Yuta was confronted with his own mistakes. Because wasn’t it _he_ who said that he wouldn’t give up anything, that _he_ wouldn’t let his life be dictated by fate and live independently.

And wasn’t that exactly what was happening now? Every day in the last two months Taeyong had been on his mind. And without him, everything was duller; his motivation for school had dropped and everything in his daily life reminded him of the pink haired boy.

His life was completely revolving around Taeyong. He had lost control over everything.

Yuta let go of Taeyong's hands and covered his own mouth with a hand. He pushed his chair backwards roughly. His wide eyes found Taeyong’s, and he could see all of his own feelings reflected in his soulmate's dark eyes.

“I need to go,” was all he said and he quickly stood up and hurried his way towards the exit.

When he was outside the cold rain hit his face immediately, unforgivingly. He wasn’t wearing a coat and so the wind made him shiver. It only took a few seconds for Yuta to be soaked to the bone, but at least nobody would notice him crying like this. He dried his face with the back of his hand anyway and started to make his way home. He just wanted to be alone right now.

Suddenly somebody grabbed his wrist and pulled him back gently.

“Don’t leave like that.”

Yuta turned around and saw Taeyong, right in front front of him. He was panting and his bangs were already stuck to his forehead from the rain. He didn’t let go of his wrist.

“It feels like if you leave like this, I’ll never see you again. And I- I don’t want that.”

Yuta hated how he felt his heart skip a beat at the comment. He didn’t get it. At all. Why did he come after him? Enough was said already, wasn’t it? They had both screwed up. It was over. It should be over.

“Just… try to be with that guy and let me go. It’s better for everyone.”

“What about our strings?”

Taeyong was still holding his wrist when their eyes met. Yuta didn't get this man. One moment he pushed him away, the next he tried to pull him back. And it  _would_ anger the hell out of him normally. But now wasn't  _normally._ Now was different; he was tired and Taeyong looked so,  _so_  incrediblybeautiful. It was like all willpower to resist him had left his body. Yuta unconsciously stepped closer. He felt like in a trance. His body was trembling, but in his mind there was nothing else but _him._  It didn't help that Taeyong just kept looking in his eyes as if all answers lay there.

Then Yuta did something he would have never thought doing.

He grabbed Taeyong’s shirt and kissed him.

 

* * *

 

Taeyong in his 21-year-old life had never liked intimacy. He had boyfriends, girlfriends, but he never really liked kissing them. Whenever things got beyong cuddling or holding hands he just couldn't commit. It required trust. And opening up to people wasn't one of his strong sides to begin with. To him it felt more like an obligation than a want. And while he genuinely cared for everyone he's been with, those intimate moments didn’t mean as much to him as they did to them. He always hoped that one day he would find someone that he could share _real_ intimacy with, to let himself fall completely, but he was also afraid that he would never feel the want to be intimate with someone. Taeil was trying to win over his heart, showing him step by step how someone should love and be loved in return.

But the feeling he had secretly longed for took fully shape when Yuta kissed him.

Just like the first time their hands had made contact back then, an electric shock from the crown of his head to his toes went through his body. Tingles were everywhere and the feeling was _indescribable_. The kiss lasted three seconds at most, but the pain in his wrist was gone in an instant. Yuta was the one that pulled away, and Taeyong could only look at his soulmate in awe.

“Why did you...?”

Yuta looked down, but it was evident that the kiss had the same impact on him.

“I don’t know,” the other answered in a whisper that Taeyong could barely hear through the sound of the rain. Then he looked up and their eyes met again. There was something desperate in the way Yuta regarded him. However, his soulmate quickly let go of his shirt and took a step backwards. His eyes started darting from left to right as he said his next words

“Okay uh… I guess that will do for the strings, right? Right. If we leave now maybe fate will leave us alone. I mean I don’t feel any pain anymore so yeah…”

Taeyong listened to his soulmate’s rambling. It sounded so wrong. The pain in his wrist was gone, yes, but a sudden desperation clouded his mind. It was like his body acted on his own. Like it wanted to do everything to stop Yuta from leaving. So resolutely he stepped forward.

“Taeyong what are you do-“

Before Yuta could finish his sentence, Taeyong put his hands on his waist and pressed their lips together for the second time.

Taeyong could feel Yuta’s shock, because he gasped, and the skin under his touch jolted. However, the Japanese boy didn’t pull away. And when he put his arms around Taeyong’s neck, it was Taeyong who gasped at the touch. It wasn’t fair how skin on skin contact could bring out such a reaction. But in Taeyong’s mind there was no place for thoughts like that - the only thing that he _could_ think about were Yuta’s lips, his hands, his hips, his smell. It was overwhelming.

The kiss deepened and their tongues found each other. Taeyong had no idea who initiated it this time. He brought Yuta’s body closer to his own, their torsos touching, and he slid one arm around his waist while the other hand pressed into his hip. He felt Yuta’s hand going through his hair and his stomach wouldn’t stop spreading a fluttery feeling all throughout his body.

When there was no air left, they finally broke apart. Yuta kept his eyes closed and his hands slipped from Taeyong’s neck to his chest while laying his forehead on one of his shoulders tiredly. Taeyong wrapped both arms around him in an embrace and tried to catch his breath.

The rain kept pouring down on them, but at this moment they didn’t care. All the pain and frustration had led to this. Regret would undeniably come later, but for now it was okay. Everything was okay.

“What did we do?” Yuta whispered, but he didn’t let go of him.

Taeyong didn’t know what to say. He was completely out of it. The strong influence of the soulmate bond exhausted him and made him feel things he never felt before. He couldn’t let go of Yuta even if he wanted. His body wouldn’t let him. He remembered the doctor back then saying that he was oddly sensitive to the bond; right now was definitely an example of that.

It was Yuta who eventually pulled himself back out of Taeyong’s embrace. His face was flushed and he was completely soaked. The fabric of his sweater was clinging to his body and Taeyong could see his slender frame through it. He looked good like that. Way too good.

Yuta was looking at him, checking him out almost, and it frustrated him how no words could come out. Yuta gave him a sad smile then. Taeyong hated the hurt in the other's eyes as he said his next words.

“We should end this. I- I mean you have a boyfriend and this,” Yuta looked to the ground, taking a breath before continuing, “this was a mistake.” Unlike his words, Yuta still grabbed Taeyong’s hand. Even through the rain Taeyong could see the tears in his eyes. The hand, a little smaller than his, was comforting in his own - it was like Yuta knew that he was struggling.

Taeyong swallowed and gave the hand a squeeze. “W-we won’t work out, remember? But,” and he searched Yuta’s eyes. “this wasn’t a mistake and you know it.” He felt good finally admitting it. Now they would part anyway - no matter how painful it was - he wanted to stop lying to himself and Yuta.

Yuta closed his eyes for a second and nodded. Then his hand slipped out of Taeyong’s. The latter missed the warmth already.

“Goodbye Taeyong,” the Japanese boy said before he turned around and walked away, his head hanging low. Taeyong felt a pang in his chest.

And another one.

Eventually, the coldness of the rain and his wet clothes made him shiver, but he didn’t move away. Not before Yuta was out of his sight. This was the last time he would see him. An intense empty feeling filled his gut already.

“Goodbye Yuta.”

But his whisper got lost in the rain.

 

* * *

 

“W-we kissed.”

It was the first thing Taeyong said when he had arrived at his apartment. He was soaking wet, water dripping from his clothes to the wooden floor. Taeil was reading a book at the kitchen counter, and their eyes had met when the words tumbled over Taeyong’s mouth.

The older pursed his lips and closed his book slowly. Taeyong was scared. Because not only did he just lose Yuta, he was close to losing Taeil as well. When on his way back to his apartment from his meetup with his soulmate, he had racked his brain over what he would tell his current boyfriend about what happened. There was regret, there was relief; he was a confusing mess.

 _This_  wasn’t what he had planned to say.

But it was the truth. And if Taeyong had learned something, it was that it was better to tell the truth than to make things worse by sweet talk and lies.

Taeil walked towards him without saying anything and he waited for the dreaded moment to get hit in the face or to get yelled at to come. That was what he deserved anyway. With frantic words he tried to apologize.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry, Taeil. I know I- “ But when Taeil was in front of him he just held his hand up, signaling for Taeyong to stop talking.

“Get out of those wet clothes first. You’re ruining your floor and you’re shivering like a maniac,” his boyfriend told him with a gentle voice. Taeyong was stunned for a moment.

“I’m so-“

“Taeyong,” Taeil warned him. But it wasn’t in a harsh way, not the harsh way he deserved. Then his boyfriend brought a hand to his cold and wet cheek. “It’s okay. I’m not happy with it of course, but… it was bound to happen eventually. Now, I’m serious, get out of those clothes. You’ll get sick if you don’t.”

Why?

Why was every boy he met and liked a fucking angel? And why was he the one hurting them?

Taeil softly pushed him towards his bedroom. Jaehyun was luckily spending his time with Doyoung at the moment, so they weren’t home. With shivering hands he changed his wet clothes for some sweatpants and a loose T-shirt. With a towel he dried his hair and his face. His body was on automatic pilot, but his mind was restless.

Unwillingly his thoughts went back to the past month.

It had been a hell for him as well. Not only because of his longing for Yuta and hurting wrist, but also because of his father, who had been really persistent and kept calling his mother almost every day. In the end Taeyong had had enough of it and told his mother to tell his father that he was willing to see him, if he would leave her alone in return.

And so, two weeks ago, they had met for the first time in nine years.

_Taeyong watched the man in front of him with a mix of suspicion and anger. Of course he could remember what his father looked like. But still… this man looked really different from his past self and somehow it made Taeyong nervous._

_“You’ve grown a lot, Taeyongie," the man said with a soft smile. “It’s been so long.”_

_“Why did you want to see me?” He asked coldly. But it was like the man had expected it, because he continued with the same voice as before._

_“You’re my son and… I- I wanted to see what has become of you.”If you're doing well. If you found someone you love..."  Taeyong didn’t want to hear any of it._

_“Lies. Why do you keep pestering mom? She hates you…She's still hurting because of you." Then after a few seconds of silence he added, "I hate you.”_

_The man fumbled with his hands nervously. Obviously the words had an affect on the man; regret and pain was painted all over his face. Then he looked Taeyong right in his eyes. “She does. And I understand that. I need you to know that I came here to apologize. For leaving you, all those years ago.”_

_Taeyong let out a bitter laugh. His chest was on fire. He didn't know if it was from pain or anger.“Well, it’s a bit late for that, don’t you think? First you ruin our lives, and now, after almost ten years, you have the audacity to show up.”_

_Apparently his father had expected this outburst as well, because he didn’t move his eyes away from his son’s, nor changed his expression. “I totally understand why you feel that way. Of course you’re angry. I didn’t come to ask for forgiveness, it being something I don’t deserve.” Then his father tentatively stepped closer to him and opened his hands to reveal a picture of a pretty lady._

_Taeyong didn’t get it. What was it his father wanted from him? He was seriously thinking about just walking away._

_“Why are you showing me this?”_

_“This is Taeyeon. She was the love of my life. I met her way before your mother and I became soulmates.” And Taeyong scowled when he heard him talk about his mother. ”I was together with her already when we met. She didn’t have a soulmate and…” his father took a deep breath. “She was the reason why I left you all those years ago.”_ _Before Taeyong could interrupt him he continued. “Without her I couldn’t be happy. She was the light of my world. I didn’t ask for a soulmate, but I got one and was forced to marry her. Your mother… she was lovely, but we were too similar. It was the reason why it didn’t work between us.”_

_“What are you trying to tell me?” Taeyong asked with his arms crossed. His mind was racing, his heart beating loudly._

_His father let out a pained sigh. “I was in the wrong when I married your mother and had you with her, knowing that my heart belonged to someone else. But I really wanted to try, also for your sake.” His features darkened. “But then I heard from Taeyeon that she was terribly ill and wasn’t meant to have a long life. I wanted to be with her till the end. I am a selfish bastard, Taeyong, and I don’t blame you for hating me.”_

_“W-why now?” Taeyong asked him. He never heard the story before, never heard of this Taeyeon, whose name sounded awfully similar to his. “Why did you contact me now?”_

_“Taeyeon died a year ago. I mourned her for a long time, am still at this very moment. But I realized, when I was alone again, that I made a lot of mistakes. I can’t make it right, Taeyong. But I at least want to give you my apology.” Then his father dug into his pocket and took out a card. He handed it to him._

_“What is this?”_

_“It’s a card with ten million won. I- I’m not buying your forgiveness with this, it’s not my intention. But I missed such a huge part of your life. I let you live without your father, and on top of that let you live with hatred for your father. I, rather we, saved this money for you. So please take it.”_

_Taeyong just stood there. His body wouldn’t react and his mind kept spinning. What would he do with money? It was just an empty gift. An empty apology. Taeyong hated the fact that he wanted to believe him. Of course, as a twelve-year-old boy and older, he had longed for a father figure. His emotions were so conflicting that it frustrated him._

_His father pressed the card in his hand. “It’s okay, Taeyong. You can always throw it away if you want. And as promised I will leave your mother alone. Tell her I’m sorry as well.” Then he turned around, but not before saying,_

_“I love you, Taeyong. Please know that.” And with that he walked away, leaving a conflicted Taeyong behind._

The aftermath of their meeting had been hard for him and his mother. He still wanted to hate his father, and to a certain degree he did. But hearing his story… it gave him a different perspective at least. He quickly shook his head, looking away from the card that was still lying on his nightstand. This was a problem for another day.

Finally, after washing the leftover make-up from his face, Taeyong returned to the living room. He spotted Taeil in the kitchen, making some tea.

“Why are you so nice to me?” He asked the other. His voice came out hourse. It was as if air was stuck in his throat.

Taeil turned around with a mug he had just taken from one of the drawers. “Because you’re an idiot.”

Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh at that. It was a hopeless sound. “You should break up with me. I don’t deserve you.”

“Do you want to break up with me?” Taeil asked him then with his head cocked to the side. The question caught the younger boy totally off guard and he opened and closed his mouth without saying a word.

The first answer that came to mind was no. He didn’t want to break up with him. Taeil was everything he needed. He was patient with him, supportive, not judging, handsome and incredibly nice.

Then Yuta’s beautiful face popped up in his head.

Taeil continued. “Because if you don’t want to break up with me, I don’t see the problem.“ The kettle was boiling, and Taeil took another mug and put some water in it, along with a teabag. With the mugs in his hands he walked towards Taeyong and gently pushed one of them in his hands.

“Drink and get warm.”

After they both took a sip of their teas, Taeil continued. “What I want you to do, Taeyong, is to think about what happened today and what you want. If you want to continue being together with me, you have to let Yuta go. But if you can’t do that and if you _do_ want to give the soulmate bond a try, then you should be honest to me as well. You know that I don’t care about you having a soulmate, but that’s only if _you_ don’t care about it either.” Then he left a pause. “And about the kiss… If I get an honest answer, I think I can forgive you for that.”

Taeyong stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Then a soft smile appeared on his face. Taeil was something else entirely. He had never in his life met someone as understanding or as sweet as him. Of course Taeil was right. He had to make a choice. But the thing he was really thankful for, was that Taeil had given him a choice; another chance with him. Taeyong walked to the kitchen counter and placed the still full mug on it. Then he headed back to the older boy and hesitantly put his arms around him. Taeil stiffened.

“Y-you don’t have to decide right now if you don’t wa-“

Taeyong shut him up with a kiss.

It was time to let Yuta go.

But later when he and Taeil were lying in bed together, the latter breathing softly in his sleep, Taeyong couldn’t fight the thoughts that ran through his mind about the kiss and connection he had felt with his soulmate.

He hated himself for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah the first kiss between them happened. Lol even I was excited for it tbh.  
> btw Taeyong and Taeil didn’t have sex. It sounds like a stupid detail, but it’s quite important.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought about the events in this chapter!^.^  
> the next chapter may take a bit longer, since a lot of scenes have to be written from scratch or need a lot of rewriting (since I kind of strayed from some original plans. But what else is new with writing lol).  
> Hopefully see you next time! ❤  
> ~honEy D


	8. Out of Sight, Doesn't Necessarily Mean Out of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all: CONGRATULATIONS NCT127 WITH YOUR FIRST WIN FOR CHERRY BOMB, YOU GUYS DESERVE THE WORLD! ❤❤❤ (I got so emotional when I saw them being so happy and TY crying;-;)
> 
> Chapter 8 is here and all I will tell you is that it’s not going to be fun. I updated the rating, but it’s more to be safe than anything else. 
> 
> I really appreciated the love I received in the last chapter, thank you so much guys❤ I hope it won't disappoint;-;  
> Enjoy~

“Come on,” Yuta said with a smile and he tugged on Hyunuk’s hand to pull him inside his room. The tall blond rolled his eyes at Yuta’s antics, but let the Japanese boy pull him wherever he wanted. When they were inside, Hyunuk kicked the door closed and walked up to Yuta to kiss him.

Once their lips made contact, Yuta let out a sigh of relief. This was just what he needed at the moment. He tried to shut out every annoying thought and focused on the guy in front of him. They deepened their kiss and Yuta pulled at the collar of Hyunuk’s shirt. The latter released Yuta and let him pull the shirt over his head. Yuta’s shirt followed soon after.

It was now two weeks after his and Taeyong’s last meeting and Yuta had finally gathered the courage to go to a party again. He needed to let go of his feelings for his soulmate and move on.

And what was a better way to do that than getting wasted? Hansol hadn't approved of his decision, looking at him worryingly and saying it wasn’t a good idea at all. But Yuta didn’t care. Everything was more desirable than feeling empty inside and longing for something that would never happen.

So when this blond, very handsome, master's student tried to flirt with him at the party, he tried to empty his mind from worries with a shot of tequila and went for it. The guy’s name was Hyunuk and Yuta remembered seeing him on campus a few times. Apparently he was some super intelligent math genius, because he told him he finished his bachelor degree cum laude.

They fell back on Yuta’s the bed with a thud.

Yuta hadn’t felt excited about anything recently, but _this_ was definitely an exception. Finally he was about to have sex with a really hot guy, who was really intelligent on top of that. It was the perfect way to get his mind off a certain pink haired soulmate.

Hyunuk kissed his way down Yuta’s neck and stopped when the choker was in the way.

“You look freaking hot in chokers, but it’s kind of in the way right now,” he whispered hotly in Yuta’s ear. At first Yuta gasped at the sensation. But then he realized what the other just said. Even in his drunken state a panic suddenly bubbled up in his chest. If he removed his choker now, he would see…

“Why? Can’t I leave it on?” Yuta said back and to distract him he turned them over so he was now on top of the other. Hyunuk grabbed Yuta by the waist and looked at his exposed skin. They kissed again and Hyunuk caressed his face.

“Hmm I just want to see all of you.” And he moved his hand to Yuta’s neck and touched the choker. Yuta could feel it, he could feel how it shifted just a little. And when he looked at Hyunuk he saw the frown on his face. Their eyes met and Yuta pushed himself off of him while the blond’s eyes hardened.

“Take it off, Yuta.”

“I- I don’t know what-“

“Take. It. Off.” Yuta felt dizzy. This was _not_ how he had planned this. No, he would just get this lovely stranger in his bed and have a great night.

It was turning in a nightmare more and more.

Yuta undid his choker with trembling hands and it fell on the sheets. Hyunuk looked at him in surprise and anger.

“I can’t believe you. Oh no, I’m _so_ not doing this.” He stood up angrily. Almost quicker than he had shed it earlier he put his shirt back on started searching for his shoes, cursing when he could not find them. All the while Yuta stayed still on his bed in shock. Eventually, after gathering his courage, he turned towards Hyunuk.

“I’m not with him, please don’t leave,” he uttered desperately. He couldn’t think clearly, especially not when Hyunuk regarded him with a cold expression.

“I’m not a plaything for people who like to fuck around behind their soulmate’s back. I’m not getting into such drama again.” He had found his shoes and roughly put them on after which he walked to the door without tying the laces.

“You don’t even know me! I fucking said we are not together!” Yuta spat at him.  _That_  caught the tall blond off guard. He turned around to see Yuta getting up from the bed and stumbling towards him. The Japanese boy stopped in front of him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Hyunuk eyed him skeptically. Yuta continued.

“I- I’m not- he doesn’t mean anything to me.” But the blond shook the hand from his shoulder.

“Lies.” And Yuta’s eyes widened. Hyunuk was looking at him with such a cold expression that It scared him. The older shook his head and laughed sarcastically.

“It’s so obvious. I mean, I knew when I went home with you tonight, that there was someone you were invested in, but to be honest I was surprised it was an actual soulmate. You’re just lying to yourself Yuta. I don’t care if you do this with anyone else, but I’m not willing to be used like that.”

And with those words he left and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving a wide-eyed, hurt Yuta behind.

Yuta brought his hands to his face and sank to the floor. It was dark and the room was spinning due to the alcohol that was still in his system. He felt nauseous and the silence that surrounded him was painful. He didn’t want to be alone.

He let out a frustrated "Fuck!" and slammed his fist against the floor. A lump formed in his throat. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Why did everything go wrong? He hated himself. He hated Hyunuk. And he hated Taeyong.

After a few minutes he finally decided to stand up and stumble to his bed. He let himself fall onto the sheets and searched his pillow. Once he found it he pushed his head into the fluffy wool and let out a silent sob. After a few more he closed his eyes, trying to find sleep. It would only come an hour later and even in his dreams his damned soulmate wouldn’t leave him alone.  

 

* * *

 

“God it hurts,” Taeyong groaned while holding his wrist tightly.

After his meeting with Yuta two weeks ago -a pang went through his chest at the thought- the pain in his wrist had been over. He thought that he could finally start over and try to move on.

But of course it wasn’t that easy.

His emotions and thoughts continued to be a mess and after a week the low pressure of the string against his still not healed skin returned. He kept taking his medicine every day though and he was able to keep the pain away. He decided that if it was only a little pressure around his wrist, he could live with that.

But ever since yesterday night, a pain he never felt before went through his wrist. It alarmed him considerably and he tried to use several cooling packs to release some of the burning sensation. It didn’t help.

Taeil watched him with a worried and helpless expression.

“Can’t you take two of them?” Taeyong knew he was talking about the blue pills.

He shook his head, gritting his teeth at the same time when another wave of smarting ran up his arm. “No. The doctor explicitly told me not to take two. I’m not going to risk it.”

His boyfriend wasn't convinced. “I think you need to call the hospital… This is getting out of hand.”

“No!!” Taeyong almost yelled, startling Taeil. Panic clawed inside his body. If he’d call the hospital, he and Yuta would be thrown into therapy for sure. Taeyong couldn’t do that. He was afraid that if he even got a glimpse of his soulmate, all of his resolves would crumble and he would want to give in no matter what. Because the thoughts about his soulmate never left him alone and almost every night the other  would show up in his dreams.

Taeil crossed his arms and Taeyong saw that his boyfriend was losing patience.

“Then what do you want me to do, Taeyong?”

“Do we still have painkillers?” He asked him. “I’ll just take two of those.”

“You can’t live on painkillers!” Taeil said back in a hiss. “Do you have any idea how unhealthy that is? You took two yesterday as well… And what about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Eventually those won’t help anymore.”

“It’s just until the next competition. I _need_ to practice today. I already skipped yesterday and I can’t let my team down,” he pleaded with the elder. Taeil sighed and shook his head. “Fine," he said but Taeyong could see he wasn’t looking happy.

When he handed him the pills his boyfriend searched his eyes. “Tae, maybe you need to… to call Yuta. I can’t help but think that things will go really wrong if you keep being split up like this without proper communication.

Taeyong looked away. Even hearing _his_ name was hard. “Weren’t you the one who said I needed to let him go.”

“Yes, of course.” And Taeyong could hear his frustration. “I like you Tae, and it is needless to say that I don’t exactly like to see you with someone else, who is your soulmate on top of that. But… you’re hurting. More than I expected.” And Taeil hesitantly stroked his arm. “I don’t like to see you in pain like this.”

It made Taeyong feel guilty. Taeil cared so much for him and he felt like he wasn’t giving all of himself to him in return. Instead he only hurt him. “I’m sorry,” Taeyong said in a gentle tone. “I won’t call him. If things really get out of hand, I’ll promise to call the doctor.” Taeil just sighed but nodded.

Later that day when he came back from training Taeyong locked himself in the bathroom. Taeil was working on his thesis in the bedroom and Taeyong didn’t want to disturb him. Practice had been a disaster and even Ten had shown his worries when he wasn’t able to complete the choreography due to his mind being all over the place. He put on the shower and after removing his clothes he stepped into the cabin letting the warm water soothe his body.

He hit the tile wall with his fist angrily. But everywhere his arm went, there was _his_ name, taunting him, blaming him. He could never escape it as much as he wanted to.

After a few minutes of mental suffering, he stepped out of the shower, without turning off the water. He dried himself quickly and took his phone in his hand, sitting down on a towel he had spread out  on the floor earlier. There was a certain impulsiveness that came over him and a nervous feeling spread through his gut as he pressed on the familiar name that he had never been able to delete from his phone.

He pressed the call button and brought the phone to his ear breathlessly.

At the second ring someone picked up.

_"Taeyong? Is this you?!”_

It was like the air was punched from his chest and Taeyong momentarily closed his eyes when he took in the voice that he had longed to hear for the past two weeks.

 _“Taeyong? Please say something!”_ It sounded pleading and soft and Taeyong gripped his phone a little tighter, trying to steady his breathing.

 _“Don’t do this to me.”_ Yuta’s voice was still pleading, but it had a bitter tone as well.

Taeyong opened his mouth but no words came out. He wanted to tell him so much, craving for the friendly conversations they used to have all those weeks ago. He actually wanted nothing more than drive over to his soulmate right now and see him in person. But of course he couldn’t do that.

“I- “ he started and he could hear Yuta gasp on the other side, “I just- I wanted to hear your voice,” he breathed out eventually. It was silent after that for a moment and the only thing he could hear was Yuta’s shaky breaths. He knew his own must sound like that as well.

 _“I’m sorry…”_ Yuta whispered.

Then the only thing Taeyong could hear were beeps, indicating that the other had ended the call.

It was okay. He had actually wanted to hang up as well.

Then why were his eyes stinging?

He quickly turned off the shower and put on his clothes, flinching when another jolt of pain went through his limb. He exited the bathroom and let himself fall on the couch. A moment later he heard a key turn in the lock and the door opened to reveal Jaehyun with his backpack.

“Hey!” He greeted him cheerily and dropped the keys in a bowl on the kitchen counter.

“Hey to you too,” Taeyong answered with a tired smile. He sat up from his lying position. “How were your days with Doyoung?”  

A sudden fond expression appeared on his friend's face and Taeyong couldn't help but feel a little jealous. “I take that face as an indication that it was fun?”

“It was. How was your time with Taeil?”

“It was nice,” Taeil suddenly said from the door opening of the bedroom. Jaehyun grinned at his friend and they hugged shortly. Then Taeil walked up to Taeyong who had been silent during their exchange and he kissed his cheek softly.

“I’m leaving, 'kay? See you Monday?” Taeyong was surprised at that. “Wait, did you finish everything already? We- we can still go out for dinner if you want.” Taeil shook his head gently.

“I still need to do a few things at home. And don’t you need to spare some money anyway?” He winked then. “If you cook for me next time, I’m happy enough.”

“Deal.” The pink haired boy said back with a smile. “See you Monday then.”

Satisfied with his answer, Taeil picked up his bag he had already packed earlier that day and after waving at his boyfriend and friend, he left the apartment. Jaehyun couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow at Taeyong.

“Everything okay between you two?”

Taeyong looked away. “Yeah… I guess so.”

Jaehyun apparently got the hint and went through the fridge. “Hmm… I guess I’ll just cook. I’m not in the mood to eat pizza.”

Taeyong just hummed. He didn’t see how his roommate shot him a worried look.

Dinner was pretty silent. Jaehyun talked about his time he had spend with his soulmate and Taeyong would listen and not listen, depending on where his own mind was wandering at the moment. It went from the phone call, to Taeil’s soft touch on his arm, to Yuta’s pretty face and back to Taeil’s worried eyes.

After they finished eating, Taeyong offered to do the dishes when Jaehyun said he wanted to take a shower. When he was finally done with the task he laid down on the couch again, his phone clutched to his chest. He let out a deep sigh. He was incredibly tired and as always his thoughts drifted back to his soulmate he was desperately trying to forget.

While fumbling with his phone he suddenly remembered the voicemail Yuta had left all those weeks ago. A sudden longing feeling made him want to hear his soulmate’s voice again.

He _needed_ it.

Hurriedly he took his earphones from the coffee table and he connected them to his phone. With shaking hands he went to his voicemail.

He just wanted to hear his voice once. He would delete it immediately after.

 _“Hey Taeyong,”_ his soulmate’s voice came through as if he was talking right into his ear and Taeyong inhaled sharply, ” _I uh... I don’t know if you remember, but we’re supposed to meet up at the bus stop today… You haven’t shown up yet, so I guess you forgot… uh...” A pause. “Could you call me back please? Is Everything okay? W-well that was all. Bye. I Hope to see you soon.”_

He played it again.

And again, letting the guilt fall over him once more.

He laid the phone down on the coffee table, the earbuds still connected to it and pressed on replay.

Apparently he had fallen asleep like that, because he was woken up suddenly when his earphones were roughly ripped from his ears.

“What the fuck Taeyong.” Came the angry voice of none other than Jaehyun. Taeyong quickly sat up straight, his mind still not fully comprehending why his friend was staring at him like that.

“What’s your problem?” He hissed at him, annoyed, while rubbing his eyes. What surprised him was that his hand came back wet.

Jaehyun laughed bitterly. “What’s my problem? Taeyong, my problem is _you_. What you are doing to yourself.” He grabbed the phone from the table and held it up for Taeyong to see. “It’s sick.”

“I wasn’t-“

“Stop. Lying. To. Yourself. For fuck’s sake!” Taeyong gulped, he had never seen Jaehyun angry like this. Jaehyun continued his angry rant. “I don’t know if you know it, but you… You were crying in your sleep. Calling out Yuta’s name as if you were physically hurt. Do you have any idea how much it pains  _me_ to see my friend like that?!”

Taeyong just stared at his friend with a hurt expression, no words escaping his mouth. He didn’t know he was crying at all. All he knew was the empty feeling in his chest.

“I’m sorry Jae, I didn't mean to- Wait! What are you doing?!” His voice was raised in panic in the end when he saw Jaehyun pressing on his screen.

“I’m deleting it. “

No.

It was the only record with Yuta’s voice he had.

He couldn’t lose it.

He stood up and immediately tried to grab his phone from Jaehyun’s hold. Jaehyun in return took a step backwards and pushed Taeyong back on the couch rather harshly. Taeyong hated the shocked expression on his friends face.

“You’re sick, Taeyong.”

“Don’t delete it, Jaehyun! Please don’t! I promise it won’t happen again.” He was pleading desperately, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t lose the record. Jaehyun ignored him and pressed on another button.

“It’s done,” he said coldly and he threw Taeyong’s phone back at him, the latter catching it awkwardly.

“No… No,” Taeyong whined as he went through his phone to search for it again. When he couldn't find it he turned his angry gaze at Jaehyun and stood up again, balling his fists. “You had no fucking right to do that!” He almost yelled.

“So you’re really going to do this?” Jaehyun asked him calmly, but the glint his eyes was almost dangerous.

“What?”

“You’re unbelievable.” And his roommate shook his head before looking him dead in the eye. “Just take a look at yourself, Taeyong. You’re shaking like a leaf, yelling at one of the only people who wants to help you. And for what? For a fucking guilt trip. Because that’s what you’re doing, isn’t it. You’re addicted to it. You want to hear it again and again to feel guilty and sorry for yourself.”

As if burned, Taeyong flinched backwards at his friend’s harsh words. He looked at his hands to see them trembling. He felt lightheaded suddenly and his anger disappeared completely, only to be replaced by guilt yet again. It seemed like it was a feeling he could never escape. He let himself fall on the couch with his head in his hands.

“F-fuck.”

“Just please, Tae, stop doing this to yourself. The only one that is in the way of moving on is not Yuta. It's _you._ ” This time it was Jaehyun who was pleading with him. The silence that followed after his friend's word was heavy and felt uncomfortable. And that surprised Taeyong, because he had never felt that way with Jaehyun in their years of friendship.  His friend was right - this needed to stop. 

“Don’t leave me Jae,” Taeyong begged him after a while. It was selfish but he didn’t know what he would do without his friend and his support. He needed him.

Jaehyun let out a snort at that. “Don’t be so dramatic,” he gently reassured him while still looking at him sternly - more worried-like - with his arms crossed “We’re living together remember? And I sure as hell am not moving out. I'm not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

 **Hansol:** _Yuta! where are you???_

 **Johnny:** _you left with him didn’t you? Please at least let Hansol know something_

“Babe, take another sip.” Yuta quickly hid his phone when a bottle of liquor was pushed into his hand by a guy he’d gone home with from the club. Again. He knew his friends were worried. He knew and he felt guilty for making them feel that way.

It was six days after his terrible night with Hyunuk, four days after the last time he had heard Taeyong’s voice. Yuta had decided he’d do things differently. With this guy he was open, he had showed him the string around his neck immediately and the guy, whose name was Taehyung, didn’t care. Yuta didn’t know who he was, what he studied. All he knew was that he had a nice apartment not too far away from his own room.

He took a gulp of the liquid and let it burn his throat. Hands were roaming on his sides, behind his back and on his ass, and he loved it.

Before they could kiss Yuta put a finger to the other's lips. “I need to use the bathroom.” The guy called Taehyung let go of him with a groan and slapped his ass as he walked away. He was only in his boxers and the slap made his body excited for what was to come.

He wanted this. Everything was better than getting stuck on someone you love, but can’t have.

When inside the bathroom, he let out a stuttering breath and walked towards the sink. His reflection showed him a tired boy with perfectly styled hair, pretty make-up and a manly jawline. He averted his gaze from himself and rummaged through the back pocket of his pants he had taken with him from the bedroom. He took out the strip with blue pills.

He steadied himself on the sink for a moment when his head began to spin, but retook his composure and quickly took out two of the pills. He bit his lip when he noticed that he only had one pill left after that. The doctor had obviously given him less pills than Taeyong, but of course she was under the impression that they would’ve figured their shit out somehow already.

Yuta wanted to laugh.

He knew it was a risk to take two pills, but if he didn’t do it, he knew his string would get awfully tight if he slept with this guy tonight. And with only one pill left he didn’t want that either. And what could go wrong? Maybe he would be extra tired the next day. Well, he could live with that.

“Yutaaa? what's taking you so long?”

“I’m coming,” He yelled back and he quickly swallowed the two pills with some water. Then without looking at himself again he re-entered the bedroom. He was greeted by a smirking Taehyung. He didn’t waste any time and pressed himself against the boy.

They finally kissed. Yuta didn’t feel anything if he was being honest, it was just a nice sensation, nothing more. No flutters or tingles or his heart skipping a beat.

Not like with Taeyo-

He shook his head and pushed at Taehyung’s chest roughly, making the latter fall on the bed.

“Hm so you like it like that, huh?”

“I certainly do,” Yuta answered with grin.

The other boy grabbed his hips and pulled Yuta on top of him. They made out sloppily and for a moment Yuta thought it was pretty gross. He ignored the feeling and kept going. Soon enough they were both naked and panting.

One of Taehyung’s hands slipped behind his back to his ass and-

All of a sudden Yuta’s mind went blank completely. It was like someone just turned the switch in his head off. A shudder went through his body and with a pained gasp he fell on top of Taehyung.

Then the switch was turned back on and a sudden wave of nausea took Yuta off guard. He pushed himself up and put a hand in front of his mouth. He couldn’t see clearly anymore, the room becoming a blur, his whole body shaking. He needed to get away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Taehyung asked with a raised eyebrow. “Did you drink too much?”

Yuta couldn’t process the words and he just nodded and stood up before stumbling towards the bathroom, the hand still in front of his mouth. Once he reached the room he let his knees fall on the white tiles and threw up in the toilet. He heaved heavily after and the nausea was making his insides turn.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his back and his pants were dropped next to him on the ground. “Hey Yuta, are you with me? Come on, put on some clothes. I’ll call you a cab home.” It was said rather nicely, the hand rubbing up and down his back. Yuta shook his head.

“I-I”ll call a friend.”

“Okay. Whatever you want.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry,” Yuta said weakly while leaning against the car window that was opened halfway. The fresh air helped clear his mind and the sick feeling in his stomach had subsided for a bit.

“You are an absolute idiot. Did you have any idea how worried we were?” Johnny asked from behind the steering wheel. They were on their way home after Johnny had picked him up. Yuta had messaged his tall friend, not knowing who else to call. It also helped that he lived in the same residence as he did.

A short silence followed - Yuta didn't really know what to say to that. Then Johnny turned a corner rather sharply and Yuta moaned as another wave of nausea went through his body. “P-please stop for a moment,” he called out urgently and when Johnny pulled over he opened the door and threw up again.

“What the fuck did you do, Yuta? I've never seen you get sick from alcohol like this.”

The Japanese boy wiped his mouth and closed the door again leaning his head back against the seat. “I took two of those soulmate bond pills. God, I should’ve never done that.”

“This can’t go on like this,” Johnny stated coldly and looked at Yuta. The latter pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know Johnny, I know.”

“You always say that, but you keep doing this.”

Yuta suddenly laughed and Johnny looked at him in surprise. “I’m done with this anyway. Dating, fucking around with people. Because every time I try to be intimate with someone, I feel like throwing up or my string gets so tight I can’t breathe. And I basically ran out of pills so I can’t risk it anymore.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Yuta breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth slowly. He looked out of the window.

“I know. But it’s the truth. I just have to accept that I can never be with someone…Ha at first I thought I didn’t need it… But I do Johnny. I need someone who loves me. I need _him.”_

“Taeyong is an asshole, you don’t need him.” Johnny said while gripping the wheel tightly. “He made you _believe_ you need him, that’s all. You said it yourself, that string is just-“

 “I know what I fucking said,” Yuta snapped, but he immediately regretted it and apologized. “I'm sorry Johnny. I just- you’re right you know. But he’s not a bad person. I know he’s not.”

“You’re crazy for still thinking that.”

Yuta closed his eyes and hummed. He was so tired. After throwing up for the second time, he felt a lot better though. It was as if the poison that was that damned medicine was finally out of his system. In silence they arrived at their student residence and Johnny helped him get to his room. He had the key anyway. After saying good night, Johnny left quietly and Yuta fell in a comatose-like, dreamless sleep.

He woke up the next day at one pm and the light pressure around his neck was indication enough that he fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I’m so sorry;-; I honestly didn’t expect it to get this angsty, but whoops it did. Please tell me if I’m going a bit overboard with it. Haha just let me know what you thought about this chapter in general;)
> 
> Honestly thank you for all the comments last chapter, I read them with a huge smile on my face for real.  
>  **IMPORTANT: A few things about the soulmate bond and red strings in general:**  
>  \- It may seem like they are overreacting, but as you’ve seen, the medicine is very strong and makes them weaker for emotions. Since the pills are for healing their bond, it also boosts their emotional attachment to each other and that’s why they are longing for each other so desperately.  
> \- Physical contact stimulates their bond, that’s why in the last chapter their strings immediately loosened after they kissed. (normally it would gradually loosen up). Physical contact with someone else (and I mean things like sex not handshakes or hugs) can put a huge strain on the bond, resulting in tightening of the string as we could see this chapter with Taeyong, after Yuta was with another guy.  
> \- Taeyong is incredibly sensitive to the soulmate bond. It makes his string tighten really easily and results in emotional and physical pain.  
> \- Someone pointed out last chapter that this soulmate au would be pretty cruel for asexual people. THIS IS TRUE, THIS AU IS VERY CRUEL TBH. I think soulmate AUs are cruel in general. For example when your soulmate dies, your bond dies with it and results in a huge emotional pain. And think about other soulmate aus, like the one where your gray world becomes a world full of colors when you meet your soulmate, but becomes gray again when someone dies. Whoever came up with these AUs, I applaud you for your angsty mind.
> 
> These things are important to keep in mind. Sorry for not pointing it out earlier but it’s pretty hard to incorporate in the story. I really love you all for being so invested in the story! If there are more questions, don’t be afraid to ask!  
> See you next chapter!  
> ~honEy D


	9. (Can't Live) Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay fasten your seatbelts, because it’s gonna be a rough ride. Without further ado, I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter! To prevent confusion: the first two scenes are the same event but in different perspectives. Ah… I. am. So. Nervous. About. Posting. This.

With a gasp Yuta opened his eyes from the nightmare he just had. The darkness of the room didn’t feel reassuring at all and he recalled the stranger with a black mask wrapping his fingers around his throat and squeezing tightly, robbing him of all the air in his lungs. He took a deep breath. Or he wanted to at least…

Because he couldn’t breathe.

His hands shot to his neck and he tried to inhale, but it was difficult, the air barely coming through his throat. A wave of panic went through his body and he quickly sat up and turned on the light. The lack of air made his mind hazy and his eyes darted through the room.

He tried to calm down for a moment, waiting for the tightness to ebb away. But it didn’t and in that moment, he _knew_ he should call for help. 

In a swift movement he grabbed his phone from his nightstand. He quickly noted it was around four am, but he didn’t care. Through his panic, he could still think a little rationally and he knew that his string was to blame for his current state. And if it was his string, that meant something happened with Taeyong.

He followed his instinct and with trembling fingers he scrolled through his contacts. When he saw his soulmate’s name, he hesitated for a moment, thinking about calling someone else, other than _him_ , before pressing the call button anyway. _Please pick up, please pick up._ Was all he could think. He needed to know what was happening. A panicked whimper escaped his mouth when breathing became even harder.

This was bad. _R_ _eally_ bad.

It was only after a few rings that someone picked up. _“Yuta is that you? Why are you-“_ came out Taeyong’s voice, but Yuta wasn’t in the mood for this and cut to the case real quick. His voice came out more strained than he liked

“W- what did you do Taeyong?”

A shock went through his body when the string tightened more and a choked noise escaped him.

 _“I- what is happening? Yuta?”_  Taeyong sounded genuinely worried. Normally Yuta would’ve been happy with that fact, but right now he couldn’t think about it. He let out a shaky laugh.

“I don’t-“ and he coughed - resulting in even less air than before. “I don’t know what you did Taeyong, but-“ he couldn’t finish his sentence because it felt as if the string was cutting into his skin and he felt scared, more than ever before. He tried breathing in again, but no air seemed to come through.

“Tae,” he brought out, “I- I can’t breathe.”

A cold sweat broke out over his body and he stood up from his bed, the phone still clutched tightly in his hand.

 _“Yuta?!”_  Taeyong’s voice sounded scared as well. _“Hey, come on. Stay with me_. _Are you home? Did you call anyone else?_ ” It was said in a panicking tone and Yuta registered the questions in his mind quickly, finding it hard to focus. He immediately answered though.

“No! I-“ and he let out a cry as an intense pain went through his neck and body. He gasped for air desperately.

 _“Unlock you door now, Yuta! I’m coming right now.”_ Yuta heard his voice and tried to hold on to it. He took a step to his door, but for a moment he couldn’t see anything. His vision had turned hazy and the room spun around him.

 _“Yuta?! Yuta, answer me!”_  the pain was so intense that his hands shot to his neck on impulse and his phone fell out of his hand, making the Japanese boy even more panicked. _No no no_. another cry left his lips and he felt his legs getting weaker. He tried to stumble to the door. But in his desperation he tripped over his feet, falling on his hands and knees. It took a while before the voice came from his fallen phone.

 _“Yuta? please answer? If you hear me, try and go to your neighbor!”_ Yuta wanted to laugh. He couldn’t move, even if he wanted to. His body felt incredibly weak, his air cut off completely. In his rational mind he tried to spare some air to provide important information. But as he reached for his phone, his arms gave out under him and he fell face forward on his carpet. He lay there for a moment, hopelessly, the sound coming from his phone sounding muffled.

With his last amount of strength he reached for the phone again, sliding it towards himself. “Johnny lives… “ he started in a whisper “in the same building… I don’t think I-“ but no sound would come out anymore. “He has a key!” he almost yelled with a sob. He tried to breathe, but it didn’t work. He had never been this scared before.

His hands shot to his neck again and he arched his back from the floor trying desperately to get air in his lungs, his feet struggling against the floor. Tears fell over his cheeks as he felt himself suffocating and his body getting heavy. He was slipping away. He didn’t want to die like this, he wanted to live. With horror he felt his body still completely at the lack of oxygen and energy.

Not long after his eyes closed and he lost consciousness, not hearing the hurtful noises from his phone.

 

* * *

 

Taeyong woke up when a pain he never felt before went through his wrist. He immediately bolted upright with a groan and took his arm from Taeil’s naked waist. He clutched his hand to his chest and grimaced as another shot of pain went through his arm. He quickly looked at his boyfriend and then averted his gaze to the ceiling as images of last night flashed before his eyes.

They had sex last night.

Obviously he had enjoyed it. It had felt right yesterday. He and Taeil had been together for over a month and the shorter male had been so patient with him, not pushing anything, saying they could take things slow. But Taeyong had been scared that at one point Taeil’s patience would run out, especially with their slip up a week ago. He himself had taken the initiative last night, surprising the older. He knew Taeil wanted it. And to a certain degree he had longed for the closeness as well. But in this moment, it didn't feel right. At all.

He told himself that it was okay and why wouldn’t it be? It was normal for boyfriends to do so right? Then why-?

“Everything okay?” Taeil asked sleepily. Taeyong hadn’t even noticed him waking up. The older boy yawned and smiled at him.

Taeyong hated himself.

So much.

Taeil didn’t deserve someone like him.

He didn’t want to feel like this. It wasn’t fair. He hated how he regretted it, wishing it was with someone else. But his stream of thoughts broke when another intense shot of pain made him groan. He looked at his wrist with an angry expression.

Taeil sat upright, worry etched on his face. “Taeyong what’s wrong. Is it your wrist again?” Taeyong just nodded with gritted teeth.

On top of that the ringing of his phone broke through the silence of the room.

“Who the fuck calls at four am?” Taeil wondered in annoyance and Taeyong agreed. He was about to ignore the call, when he saw the caller ID. A wave of shock and longing went through his body. It was Yuta. It had been such a long time since they last saw each other or heard each other’s voices. The memory of Yuta’s lips against his suddenly came up, but he dismissed it immediately.

He took the phone in his good hand. “I- I need to take this. I’ll be in the living room okay, just get some more sleep.”

“It’s Yuta, isn’t it? You don’t have to hide it from me, you know that.” Taeil said while lying down on the bed again. “Go. It’s probably important.” Taeyong nodded and shot his boyfriend a guilty look. Then he walked out of the bedroom.

He picked up the phone. “Yuta is that you? Why are you-“

 _“W- what did you do?!”_   It was definitely Yuta, but there was something very wrong. Taeyong heard a choking sound at the other side of the line. It worried him tremendously.

“I- what is happening? Yuta?”

He heard a breathy laugh. It sounded hollow. _“I don’t”_ and Yuta coughed, _“I don’t know what you did, Taeyong, but-“_

Panic spread through his limbs when he suddenly realized what was happening. It was the string. He felt his hand throb painfully and pictured Yuta with his red string around his neck. The silence on the other end lasted too long for Taeyong’s liking, but just when he wanted to say something Yuta came through again. His body went cold at the sound.

 _“I can’t-“_ he was obviously gasping for air. _“I can’t breathe, Tae.”_ Another choking sound. He could hear the panic in his soulmates voice. It was the exact reflection on his own feelings. He had to think quick. This was bad. This was really bad.

“Yuta! Hey, come on stay with me okay. Are you home? Did you call anyone else?”

 _“No, I-“_ and there was a desperate gasp and a pained cry. Taeyong felt dread clouding his mind.

“Unlock your door now, Yuta! I’m coming right now.” A silence. “Yuta!” Then he heard a loud rustling. When he got no answer he reasoned that Yuta’s phone must’ve fallen out of his hand. He knew for sure when the pleading sounds seemed to come from further away than earlier.

“Yu-“

“What the hell is happening Taeyong?” Taeil said worriedly while standing in the door opening in his sweatpants. There was no way he couldn’t have heard the commotion. Taeyong never sounded that desperate unless there was something seriously wrong.

Taeil’s eyes met Taeyong’s in that moment and it was enough for Taeil to know what was happening.

“Shit Taeyong, keep talking to him, I’ll get my keys. You take my car.” Taeyong could do nothing but nod at his smart boyfriend and switched his attention at his phone again. Pain went through his wrist again and it was so intense he almost dropped the phone in his hand as well.

“Yuta? please answer! If you hear me, try and go to your neighbor!” But all he heard was a thud and it sounded like a body hitting the floor. Panic was the only thing that run through his mind and body. Suddenly the rustling sound was back and a whisper came through

 _“Johnny lives… in the same building… I don’t think I-“_  Taeyong heard another choking sound laced with a sob. _“He has a key!”_ was yelled desperately. After that there was nothing else Taeyong could hear, except for those horrific sounds, and the Korean boy felt a bile rise to his throat. 

“Fuck! Yuta stay with me!” Taeyong almost yelled, but there was nothing on the other side than silence. A blind panic was all he felt. He felt like _he_ was the one suffocating. “No… no Yuta don’t do this to me.” He pleaded with a broken voice. Oh god what if Yuta.. no that could never happen. Life wasn’t that cruel, or was it? Taeyong started hyperventilating. What if… what if Yuta died without him saying he lov-

He was pulled away from his phone roughly by Taeil who pushed his car keys and some clothes in his hand.

“Listen to me Taeyong.” He said sternly. “Go to him now.” Then Taeil bit his lip. “But don’t be too reckless or I swear I’ll-.” He shook his head. “When you arrive you try to help him and call me after, if you can’t, you call 911 immediately, understood?”

Taeyong let out a croaky ‘yeah’ and his legs wouldn’t let his mind catch up as he put the clothes on in barely twenty seconds and bolted out of the apartment.

Once he closed the door, Taeil sank to the floor with his back against the door. he closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself down. 

“What did I do…”

  

* * *

 

Taeyong always drove safely. He never speeded, always watched his surroundings and was never drunk behind the wheel. But now it was different. He was glad there wasn’t a soul on the road, because he had never driven that fast before. If the police would stop him now, he would probably get a fine he could never even pay.

Luckily he still remembered Yuta’s address from back when he walked with him to his apartment and Google Maps brought him exactly where he needed to be. He didn’t even attempt to safely park the car and just stopped in front of Yuta’s apartment complex and turned on both of the turn signals of Taeil’s car. After that he threw open the door and bolted towards the entrance of the complex.

“Johnny has a key, Jonny has a key. Calm down Taeyong, it will be fine.” He murmured to himself as he tensely went over the names of the residents. But he couldn’t stay calm, not when he didn’t know if Yuta was okay. When he didn’t see Johnny’s name on the list he cursed loudly. Tears were gathering in his eyes. “calm down, come on come on.” He told himself again and again. His fingers were trembling.

There! Johnny’s name was right there. He quickly pushed the call button. “Please pick up or I’ll swear I will break in.”

After almost twenty seconds, when Taeyong was just planning on breaking down the damn door, Johnny picked up.

“Who. The. Fuck.”

“It- it’s me Taeyong, I- you need to-“

 _“Taeyong?! As in Yuta’s soulmate Taeyong? What are_ you _doing here, get out of here you-“_ he sounded surprised and angry immediately after. But Taeyong couldn’t care less and interrupted him.

“Wait! You- god you need to listen to me! Yuta… he’s in a bad condition and he said that you were the only one with the keys to his room and he couldn’t-“ Taeyong felt himself panicking again, this was taking too long. Yuta could be… he continued with a desperate voice.

“Please open the door for me, Yuta needs help NOW. I- I don’t know what would happen if I-“

 _“Okay.”_ Johnny said curtly and apparently Taeyong’s desperation had the right effect. _“You need to calm down.”_ Then he hung up and the door opened before him. He didn’t have to wait long inside the reception hall, because soon Johnny came running towards him. He panted.

“What happened?” he asked when he saw Taeyong’s state. Taeyong just shook his head. “Where does he live! We need to get to him now!” Johnny saw the seriousness of the situation and fear was visible in his eyes.

“Yuta’s on the third floor, let’s go!” Johnny said and the both of them rushed towards the staircase to go to the third floor. Taking two steps at a time Taeyong didn’t even feel tired when he reached Yuta’s room. Through his adrenaline, the pain in his wrist was forgotten as well. Johnny was right behind him panting and fishing the key out of his pocket.

“Yuta!” Jonny yelled and he banged his fist on the door with his other arm. Taeyong shook his head when no answer came and he was beginning to lose patience. Then Johnny quickly put the key in the corresponding lock and turned it. When the lock clicked he pushed the door open roughly with his foot.

For a moment neither of the boys could move as they looked into the room. Taeyong felt a fear he never felt before crawl up his spine as he looked at the lying figure on the floor, the phone next to his hand.

He wasn’t moving.

Yuta wasn’t moving.

As if a switch in his body was turned on again, he speeded towards his soulmate and fell to his knees next to him. He heard Johnny yell Yuta’s name, but his focus was completely on the white, still beautiful face of the Japanese boy. His eyes fell on the red string around his neck.

It was way too tight.

He quickly tried to push away the huge amount of guilt that turned his stomach upside down for the moment and he shook Yuta’s shoulders. “Yuta! Yuta! wake up. Come on!” his voice was in shrill contrast with the silence of the room.

He patted Yuta’s cheek a few times. “Please, come on, you can’t do this to me.” And his voice broke in the end. Johnny had kneeled down on his other side and his trembling fingers found the side of his neck.

For a moment everything seemed to slow down.

Then Johnny let out a gasp of relief and Taeyong let out a stuttering breath as well and closed his eyes for a second. Yuta was alive. His pulse was slow, but it was definitely there.

He still needed to be taken to the hospital as soon as possible.

Taeyong’s hand was still on Yuta’s cheek and when Johnny took a moment to himself to regain his composure he patted his cheek a few times again. “Yuta… please wake up.”

And to his utter surprise Yuta’s eyes moved under the lids and fluttered open a little. Taeyong felt intense emotions overflow his senses. “Y-yuta!” he said in shock and the relief he felt was unimaginable

Even in his state the corners of Yuta’s mouth turned upwards the slightest.

“You came.” he said slowly, but Taeyong could see he had trouble breathing as he saw panic in his eyes. To his own surprise Taeyong saw a tear fall on the ground. It was his own.

“It’s okay, I’m here, everything’s going to be okay.” He said with an emotional voice and he traced Yuta’s cheekbone with a finger, taking all the details of his beautiful face to him. his other hand grabbed Yuta’s hand. it felt colder than he would’ve liked.

His soulmate gave a barely noticeable nod and squeezed his hand softly. For a moment it seemed to be okay. It was like they were both comforting each other.

“W-we need to take him to the hospital now!” Johnny said and when Taeyong looked at Yuta’s friend, he could see the shock and surprise in his eyes as his gaze darted from him to Yuta and back. And before Taeyong could say anything Johnny scooped his arms under Yuta’s knees and shoulders and lifted him up like that. Taeyong was shocked at Johnny’s strength in a moment like this.

At Johnny’s groan to lift him up, Yuta let out a puff of air that resembled a laugh. “I’m not that heavy.” He whispered with his eyes still closed. Johnny stilled immediately and looked at Yuta in shock, surprised the other was talking to him. Then a determined smile appeared on his lips.

“You are, but I can take it.” He said while turning towards the door and walking through it as fast as he could with Yuta’s weight in his arms. When he turned though, Yuta’s hand slipped out of Taeyong’s hold and the moment they lost physical contact, Yuta let out a pained whine. Without another word Taeyong followed him.

a neighbor had come out of her door and looked at Yuta’s limp form in shock. Taeyong’s voice came out raspy. “We’re taking him to the hospital.” The girl nodded not knowing what else to say and Taeyong ran after Johnny who was already inside the elevator.

Once outside the building Taeyong took the initiative pointing to Taeil’s car. “That’s the car I came with.” Johnny nodded and opened the door to the back seat to carefully lay Yuta down on the leather. Then he closed the door and stretched his hand out to Taeyong.

“Give me the keys, I’m driving.”

“W-what?”

“There’s no way you’re driving in that state.” There was no room for discussion and Taeyong noticed, when he handed Johnny the keys, that he was shaking badly. “Plus I think it’s better if you keep close to him right now.” Johnny added with gritted teeth and Taeyong knew the taller hated to say it. He could feel the anger radiating from his body.

“Yeah okay.” he said and he decided to join Yuta on the backseat. He didn’t even have time to close the door properly before Johnny stepped on the gas pedal. He drove fast, but surprisingly careful as well and Taeyong was glad he wasn’t behind the wheel himself.

He place Yuta’s head in his lap and tried to calm himself by going through his soulmate’s hair softly. “It’ll be fine.” he whispered more to himself than anyone else. He looked at the red string around Yuta’s neck and wished there was something he could do to loosen it. Yuta in the meantime was looking up at him, hardly keeping his eyes open.

“D-don’t leave me okay?” Yuta said tiredly and Taeyong wanted to ask him _why_ the Japanese boy still wanted him around after hurting him this much.

Taeyong shook his head and tried to give a reassuring smile “I won’t.” and he laid his hand over Yuta’s on the latter’s chest. Yuta nodded and let out a ‘Good’.

After another minute Yuta spoke again after trying to take a deep breath, Taeyong just looked at him worryingly. “I feel so tired… Wake me up when we’re at the hospital kay?” It was said so softly that Taeyong could barely hear it over the engine of the car. Another jolt of panic went through him when Yuta’s eyes fluttered close again. It was scary and it made him incredibly uncomfortable. All he needed was Yuta to show him he was alive.

“Hey! Hey Yuta! Don’t go to sleep now!” Yuta’s eyes opened and closed again. “Please open your eyes okay! W-we’ll be at the hospital in a second.”

“It’s just for a little while.” The Japanese boy managed to bring out. And Taeyong felt the tension leaving Yuta’s body as his head fell to the side, losing consciousness again.

“Wake him up!” Johnny yelled from behind the wheel and Taeyong tried, he really did, but Yuta wouldn’t respond at all.

“Taeyong!”

“I’m trying!” he yelled back. He felt totally helpless and the guilt he had tried to put away earlier, came back full force making him let out a strangled sob.

He couldn’t lose Yuta. Not like this.

The only thing that kept him from freaking out completely was Yuta’s chest that went up and down gently under his hand. He focused on the feeling and reminded himself that Yuta was alive and that he wasn’t losing him. Taeyong breathed in and out slowly, calming his nerves as far as that was possible. Yuta was strong and stubborn as well, there was no way he was dying.

“He’s breathing, just focus on the road.” Taeyong said quickly. The last thing they could use is getting in an accident.

Johnny said nothing and just nodded at the answer.  
  
With shaky hands Taeyong then grabbed his phone and texted Taeil with one hand. He had promised to let him know something and there was nothing else he could do at this moment anyway. He actually promised to call, but he didn’t trust his voice right now.

 **Taeyong:** _We’re almost at the hospital._

He immediately got a text back.

 **Taeil:** _Is he okay?_

Taeyong didn’t know how to answer that.

 **Taeyong:** _he’s alive_

 **Taeil:** _Oh thank god_

He realized he shouldn’t have involved Taeil in any of this. It wasn’t fair to him. Last night Taeil must’ve felt the doubt in his actions as well. The other knew he wasn’t comfortable and even asked if they should stop, but he himself had stubbornly said it was okay.

He regretted it. He regretted everything.

He had made so many mistakes, he didn’t even know if he could ever make them right.

“I’m so sorry.” He said and he didn’t know for who it was meant.

 

* * *

 

They arrived at the hospital shortly and after getting Yuta on his own back this time, they were able to get into the hospital quickly. There were not a lot of people since it was around five am and the nurse behind the desk immediately called for help when they saw the two panicking boys with another unconscious boy on one of their backs walking inside. To Taeyong’s surprise she had also instantly called Doctor Choi upon seeing the tight string around Yuta’s neck.

Another doctor put Yuta on a stretcher trolley and the nurse let them to an empty room, Taeyong and Johnny trailing behind them. The nurse told them to wait outside for a while since they needed to check what was wrong with Yuta themselves first and providing him with the oxygen he needed at the moment.

When they rolled Yuta in one of the rooms inside the hospital. Taeyong was grabbed roughly by his collar and slammed against the wall. The impact punched the air out of his lungs and he let out a groan. When he looked up he saw Johnny’s angry eyes boring right into his own. But there was also something else. Johnny looked not only furious, but also scared.

“What did you do to him!” The tall growled to him and Taeyong felt a shiver run down his spine.

“I- I never meant this to happen, I didn’t-“ Taeyong began but it only seemed to fuel Johnny’s anger.

“Cut your innocence crap Taeyong.” He said viciously while pushing him against the wall again, “YOU were the one that left Yuta heartbroken a month ago, YOU were the one that fucked things up, so don’t you dare to-“

“Do you think I wanted anything of this!” Taeyong then yelled and he pushed Johnny off of him. “I fucking-“ and his voice broke, “I fucking love him. And I did this to him. Don’t you think I know I fucked up! I’m confronted with the feeling every day, so don’t you go and lecture me on my wrongdoings when I am fully aware of them myself!” and he looked at his hands as he felt hot tears stream down his face. Yuta was on the brink of death and he felt like it were his own hands that had brought him there.

Johnny seemed to back off and was surprised at Taeyong’s reaction.

“If he doesn’t wake up, or has some serious injuries because of you,” And it was said softly but threateningly enough,  “I’ll make your life a living hell.” And his words caused a pang in Taeyong’s already broken heart. But who was he to blame Johnny for being angry. Yuta was one of his best friends. Seeing him in such a state had to be hard. Taeyong almost felt bad for being sad himself. He didn’t deserve to be. Anger and sadness clouded his mind and he felt dizzy.

“Do you think you’re the only one suffering?” suddenly a voice said from behind them and both Taeyong and Johnny whipped around. Taeyong’s eyes widened when he saw who the source of the words was.

“Taeil?” Tears were still in his eyes when he laid eyes on his current boyfriend. And panic washed over him when he realized he just explicitly said that he loved Yuta. How much had he heard exactly? Would this be the moment he’d lose two of the few people he cared about the most? The thought made him feel sick.

“I’m not- it’s not what you think… I’m sorry I-“ Taeyong started to ramble, but his stream of words was interrupted abruptly  when Taeil tugged him by the hand and pulled him in an embrace. “It’s okay.” He whispered softly in his ear. “He’ll be okay. Don’t think about us for the moment.”

The comforting words finally hit home and Taeyong let out a silent sob against Taeil’s shoulder. The smaller of the two went through Taeyong’s hair with one of his hands in an consolidating way and his eyes met with Johnny’s.  “You’re both emotional right now, so leave it be for this moment. It’ll only end ugly if you keep pointing fingers at one another.”

Johnny’s hands formed into fists and his eyes were wet with tears from fear for his friend and frustration. He nodded though, and sat down in one of the chairs that was standing against the wall, putting his head in his hands.

The mood was grim and nobody said a word for a long time. Taeyong and Taeil had taken place on the chairs as well while still holding hands, Taeyong’s head hanging low. His mind was full of images of Yuta. And in the silence he was confronted with all the mistakes he had made. He had missed Yuta so much, but never acted on it. Always using excuses, like his parents, as a reason not to see him or to push him away. Even to hurt him. It hadn’t been his intention of course, but he had been so caught up with his past and his own insecurities that he thought what he was doing was actually reasonable.

He should’ve listened to Jaehyun and even Doyoung, who had both warned him on multiple occasions.

He was in love with Yuta. He had been, ever since the third meeting slash date they had. But he had always denied his feelings. And when Taeil asked him out he had taken the opportunity to get Yuta out of his mind and focus solely on developing feelings for Taeil. And it happened, he _did_ in fact have feelings for Taeil. But he wondered…

He always said his feelings for Yuta were forced, but it felt more and more like in reality his feelings for Taeil were the ones that were forced. Not by fate, but by his own stupidity.

He felt like the worst person on the planet.

When he saw his soulmate lying on the floor in the unfamiliar room, not even an hour ago, with the string, that represented _their_ bond, so tightly around his throat, he felt like throwing up. The way Yuta’s eyes had fluttered open and his beautiful smile had appeared was a cruel way of reminding him what he had missed and done. As the pain in his wrist returned, he longed to see that smile more desperately than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry, I’m really not good at writing ‘action’ scenes so please forgive me^^’ I hope through all the vague scenes and angst you still liked it (I know y’all are suckers for angst tho)  
> This chapter was actually planned right from the beginning. I almost decided to scratch it because maybe it would be a bit too much… but YOLO  
> There will be another 2 or 3 chapters depending on how fast things go from here.
> 
> Thank you so so much for all your support, it means a lot to me, seriously<333 (more than two 2000 hits??? I'm crying) please let me know your thoughts about this chapter^-^ I love reading your comments!  
> ~honEy D


	10. Anger and Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah I got so giddy and happy when I reached 200 kudos! I never expected it to happen (hell I didn’t even expect 100), so really thank you all for reading, giving kudos and commenting, it means the world.
> 
> I had quite some difficulties with this chapter, hence the longer time it took. In contrast to the previous chapter, most of the scenes are from Yuta's perspective.  
> Without further ado, enjoy the chapter!<3

**“-** pare him a shot of Salvaninex.”

“Yes, doctor Minhee.”

_Huh._

_What is happening?_

“-never expected this to happen.”

“Doctor, I think he's waking up.

Yuta felt himself slipping in and out of unconsciousness. It actually felt like he was floating, hearing steps and voices so now and then, but seeing only blackness since his sight hadn't returned to him yet. His hands shifted a bit and he felt something soft against his skin.

_Where am I?_

Then he felt a hand on his forehead.

“Honey, can you hear me?” It was a nice female voice and Yuta recognized it vaguely. He wanted to say something, but the moment he tried to inhale trough his mouth, he barely got any air through. It was scary and his hands tried to go to his neck on instinct, but his body was too exhausted to move somehow. He let out a panicked whimper.

“Shush shush, don’t panic. It’s okay. Nayoung, can you give me an oxygen mask please?” Yuta then heard a bit of rustling and after a short moment something was placed over his mouth. He wanted to shake his head to remove it, but suddenly he could breathe again. It was a bit strained, but he felt air going to his lungs and he sighed in relief.

“That’s better isn’t it?” The friendly voice asked again. “Yuta, dear, are you with me?” He just nodded.

Immediately after his main concern, being needing air, was solved, an incredibly empty and lonely feeling overcame him and his eyes fluttered open. The light was too bright for a moment, but slowly he opened his eyes again when he got used to the amount of light. He saw the doctor standing over him with a relieved smile on her face.

But he felt terrible.

He didn’t want to see her.

He only wanted to see one person. The person that had held his hand not a long time ago. He needed him.

“T-Taeyong, I need-“ and he let out a soft whine, “Taeyong.”

“You will see him soon. Now I need you to listen to me clearly, Yuta.” and Yuta obeyed, barely able to keep his eyes open. She continued, “I’m going to give you an injection. Don’t be afraid, it will make you feel better immediately.”

“Where is Tae-“ He just wanted him. He just wanted him to take away his pain.

“Yuta!” she said sternly, “This is your soulmate bond talking, so you need to get yourself together, okay?” Then Doctor Choi’s voice turned gentle again “I’m giving you a high dose of Salvaninex in combination with a sedative, it will make you very sleepy, so don’t panic and keep your arm still.”

Yuta heard her words and processed them in his mind slowly before nodding. Not long after that he felt a sting in the crook of his arm and he gasped at the foreign substance that sent a tingling feeling through his whole body. The empty feeling in his chest subsided for a bit and he felt calm instantly. His eyes fluttered closed again and he felt comfortable and warm.

And _so_ tired.

A hand patted his own hand softly. “Take some more rest and I promise that you will feel a lot better when you wake up again. Don’t worry, Taeyong will be there.”

And that was all he needed to hear to fall in a deep slumber.     

* * *

 

Doctor Choi appeared from Yuta’s room and all of the people present in the hallway turned their heads towards her immediately with expectant and scared eyes. She apparently lived only a block away from the hospital and had arrived there in five minutes after she was called by the assistant nurse. She hadn’t been inside Yuta’s room for a very long time, so everyone was a bit surprised. She broke the strangling silence eventually.

“Relax a little, boys. He’s okay.” She shot them a smile. “You don’t have to look like someone just died.”

The relief of her words lifted a huge weight from Taeyong’s shoulders and he let out a shaky breath while supporting his head in his hands on his knees. He felt Taeil squeeze his thigh and heard him mutter a ‘Thank god.’

“Really?” Johnny said while jumping up. He rushed towards the doctor. “Can I see him?”

Doctor Choi shook her head. “He’s still having a bit of trouble breathing and He's sleeping at the moment.” Then she turned to Taeyong and stretched out her hand to him, containing two pills. Taeyong looked up, still teary-eyed, and noticed the stern look on her face

“One is for the soulmate bond, the other is to calm you down. I don’t know if you realize it, but you’re having a panic attack.” Taeyong took them and the bottle of water without looking her in the eyes and nodded before swallowing them both.

“Good.” She laid a hand on his shoulder then. “Now I need you to come with me to see him. At this point you are an important factor of helping him.” Johnny wanted to protest, but the doctor made a halting movement with her hand and continued. “He needs him right now, because this is about  _their_ soulmate bond. I take it you’re his friend. Try to be patient. Maybe you can call his parents, but that’s up to you. If you want you can even go home and take some more sleep. He can probably leave the hospital later today.” Docter Choi turned to Taeyong again. "I will hear an explanation of how this could happen later.”

“I’m not letting _him_ inside that room.” Johnny growled, gesturing to Taeyong.

The doctor gave him an understanding, but impatient look. “I know you are being a worried friend, but this is what’s in Yuta’s best interest. Now what will you do?”

Johnny sat down on one of the seats with a huff. “There’s no way I’m going home, I’ll just stay here,” he mumbled resolutely and doctor Choi sighed, but there was a gentle smile on her face while doing so.

“W-will he really be okay?” Taeyong asked her.

“Your bond is really strong, I noticed it the first time I saw you two. He’s hurt, but there’s no danger for his life anymore. You were there for him quickly enough to save him. Now come on.”

Taeyong let out a stuttering breath and followed the doctor to Yuta, gaze not meeting Johnny's when they passed him. He wanted to laugh at her words. Save him? Yeah, after he put him there first.

once the door to Yuta's room was opened and he stepped inside, Taeyong immediately felt like running away. His soulmate was lying in the hospital bed with an oxygen mask. He was looking so white, that Taeyong almost couldn’t believe he was alive in the first place. The heart monitor told him otherwise.

_What have I done?_

“Taeyong, you need to breath sweetheart. See, he’s alive.” She then took his arm to force him on a chair at Yuta's bedside. As on instinct he grabbed his soulmate’s hand. A warm feeling went through his body at the contact.

“Let me take a look at your wrist.”

Oh right. Until she had said it, he had totally forgotten about the pain in his wrist. It hurt yes, but it seemed artificial in comparison to the hurt he felt inside his chest and the pain Yuta was feeling. He didn’t care about his wrist at all at the moment and pulled his hand away from the doctor.

“How can I help him?”

Doctor Choi sighed. “It’s complicated. We have no experience with this at all. I gave him a strong shot of the same active substances that are in the medicine you received. The best thing is for you to stay here and to hold physical contact with him at all times until he wakes up. Physical contact stimulates the bond. As I said before, his life is not in danger anymore, so don’t worry too much.”

“So I just sit here? But he- ” and Taeyong’s words stopped there because he didn’t know what to say.

“I will leave you two alone for now,” she finally said before leaving the room quietly. Taeyong closed his eyes for a moment and focused on the feeling of Yuta’s hand in his. It appeared to be a stupid idea, because he had a hard time opening them again as the two pills were having their effect on him. He laid his arms on the bed and his head on top of them, still holding his soulmate’s hand.

_I’m so sorry, Yuta._

He apparently fell asleep like that for a while, because he was woken by a squeeze from the hand he was holding.

His eyes shot open immediately and he sat upright to look at his soulmate’s face. Yuta’s eyes fluttered open and squeezed his hand again, telling him it was not a dream. Instantly Taeyong gasped for air and he blinked a few times before calling out his name.

“Yuta…”

 

* * *

 

The first thing Yuta noticed when he started to regain consciousness, was the ability to breathe again. It was such a nice feeling, especially after thinking he would never be able to do that anymore. The second thing he noticed without opening his eyes, was the warm feeling in his body caused by someone who was holding his hand. It had to be Taeyong. God, he missed him. He wanted him. Wanted to see him, hear him, kiss him, be loved by him.

The feelings were suddenly so intense that he came out of his sleepy state and his eyes fluttered open, regaining full consciousness.

“Yuta…”

It was his soulmate’s voice and his eyes were drawn to his. Yuta took a stuttering breath and the oxygen mask and medicine helped him get all the air he needed. The string wasn’t refraining him from breathing anymore. He definitely still felt really tired and weak, but Yuta couldn’t help but smile at Taeyong.

And to Yuta’s surprise, it was apparently enough for Taeyong’s resolve to break down when he saw the other's eyes fill up with water and spill over. The Korean boy closed his eyes and clasped his hand tighter. His eyes however shot open again when Yuta laid a hand on his cheek and removed the tear from under his eye with his thumb.

“Why are you crying, stupid?” The Japanese boy whispered. Taeyong just shook his head and placed his other hand on top of the hand on his cheek.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out, the hot tears not stopping. “I’m so, so sorry.”  

Seeing Taeyong that emotional and practically feeling his pain through their bond, made Yuta’s own eyes tear up as well. But why was he sorry? They were together now, right? It was ok-

But his eyes widened and he let out a gasp when the realization and memories of the recent happenings hit him full force. It shocked him, how much control the soulmate bond suddenly had over his feelings, because it was pulling him towards Taeyong so much that he almost wasn’t able to be angry.

But he was now fully aware of what happened.

And ‘almost’ was indeed the right word, because he _was_ angry.

He took his hand from Taeyong’s face and slowly brought it to his oxygen mask to remove it.

“Wait! Don’t you need that?” Taeyong asked in a panicked tone.

“It’s quite the bother while talking,” Yuta answered him, a lot more stoic, but his voice came out raspy and strained. “And now you’re here… Never mind. My string is loose enough to breath normally.” It still wasn’t as it should be completely, but for now Yuta didn’t mind.

His other hand was still in his soulmate’s hold and he wanted to remove it, but found himself unable to do so. It made him feel safe somehow. Even if Taeyong should be the last person for him to feel safe with.

“What did you do?” Yuta asked him tiredly while turning his head to watch the ceiling. There was no reason for him to postpone asking it.

“I don’t know if I can ever make things right,” Taeyong started in regretful tone, but It wasn’t what Yuta wanted to hear.

“What. Happened,” Yuta asked him again, ignoring what he just said. He could feel Taeyong hesitating to say it, but he also knew that he would tell him the truth. It was all Yuta deserved anyway.

“I- we had sex.”

A grim smile appeared on Yuta’s face. “Ah so that's how it is, huh? It was to be expected.” He faced the other way, away from Taeyong's guilty look. It hurt. So much. But somewhere he had known it and more than hurt, it _angered_ him. how dared he? How dared he try to be happy with someone else, while _he_ was longing for him _._ it wasn’t fair. Taeyong felt guilty, he knew that, he could _feel_ it, but Yuta didn’t care.

“I don’t think I love him,” Taeyong continued. It was said softly, his voice breaking in the end. “You are the only one I can always think about.” Yuta knew the feeling all too well. His soulmate was everywhere he went; in his dreams, on the way to the supermarket, in his ordinary thoughts…

“I fucked up so badly, Yuta…”

Yuta gritted his teeth in anger and he whipped around, taking his hand out of Taeyong’s only to wrap it around his wrist with the red string tightly. The other immediately let out a painful hiss.

“So that was the second boy whose heart you broke. Well you sure are good at it, aren’t you?” Yuta said cynically and Taeyong inhaled sharply at the words. _Yes feel it, feel how much you’ve hurt me._

“I hate you,” Yuta then continued. At this moment he didn’t know if it was true or not, but he looked right at his soulmate while saying it and the pain in the other’s eyes told him he believed it. Yuta swallowed and added, “And if I hear one thing I don’t like coming from your mouth, I never want to see you again.”

Taeyong just gulped, obviously at a loss of what to say. Eventually, and unexpectedly, he laid his other hand on top of Yuta’s that was around his wrist.

“I’ll make it right, I promise.” And Taeyong was looking in eyes so intensely that Yuta couldn’t breathe for a moment. “I can’t live without you.”

And the emotion in his voice went straight down Yuta’s spine and a lump formed itself in his throat. Why now? He waited to hear those words for so long. And now, when it _should_ be too late, even after all this time, he still longed for Taeyong’s love.

“I thought,” Yuta breathed out, trying to keep his voice steady. However his voice broke and finally tears slipped from of his eyes. “I thought I was going to die.” And he closed his eyes, holding back a sob that threatened to escape.

“I wouldn’t have let you,” Taeyong said with trembling voice. And Yuta believed the words. He didn’t doubt that Taeyong cared. He had trusted him to save him after all. But he cursed the blind trust he had in the Korean boy. He didn’t deserve it. Taeyong didn’t deserve the love he felt for him. Because objectively speaking, _he_ was the one that caused this all.

Suddenly the moment was interrupted when the door flew open and none other than Hansol stood there, his eyes wide and spitting fire at Taeyong. Yuta quickly wiped his eyes at his friend’s presence.

“You better get the fuck out of this room this instant or I’ll make sure you’re in the next room,” Hansol said in a low and threatening voice. Yuta honestly had never seen his friend this angry before. It came to him like a shock. He was so reserved normally and Yuta knew he hated conflict with a passion. Yet here he was, looking like was about to commit a murder.

“I’m sor-“ Taeyong tried, but Hansol ignored it and continued, “I hope you know that Yuta could fucking sue you for attempted murder for this, right!?”

“Woah woah Hansol“ Yuta quickly interjected, trying to calm his friend down before things got out of hand. “I’m not going to sue anyone here, don’t be-“

“No! You shut your mouth, Yuta. You’re under the influence of that crappy ass soulmate bond right now, so you’re defending him while you shouldn’t.” And Yuta obeyed while blinking at his best friend. He wasn't wrong after all. Taeyong immediately released his hand and Yuta instantly felt the effect - a gnawing loss - whether he liked it or not. His soulmate stood up and walked away, but not before whispering an “I’ll be back.”

Taeyong passed Hansol with his head hanging low and the latter pushed Taeyong outside roughly, shutting the door loudly behind him. As soon as he had caught his breath and calmed down, Hansol slowly made his way towards Yuta who suddenly felt a bile rise up his throat again when he saw his best friend's frustrated and sad expression. The other took a seat on his bed and Yuta sat up straight.

Before he knew it Hansol had pulled him in an embrace. Yuta breathed in his friend’s scent and felt himself calm down immediately.

This was what felt _rightly_ safe.

“God, you scared me _so_ much, you idiot,” Hansol said while going through Yuta’s strands with his fingers. “You know how Johnny is. He always exaggerates things... So here I was, almost thinking you were fucking dying on me. Please remember me to punch him later.”

Yuta buried his head in Hansol’s shoulder and let out a laugh. He was shocked to hear a sob through it as well. “I was so scared,” Yuta mumbled against the fabric of his friend's shirt. “I really thought I was going to die.”

Hansol's fingers softly caressed his nape. “I'm sorry you had to go through that. Promise me that you’re definitely staying away from him,” Hansol asked, a desperate and bitter hint clear in his voice. Yuta pulled back from the embrace and shook his head gently.

“That’s what got me here in the first place.”

“You’re not seriously thinking this is your own fault right?” Hansol asked him incredulously.

“No way,” Yuta huffed. Then he looked away. “Well, not exactly… I mean, he  _did_ do this to me and he needs to make a hell of a lot mistakes right for me to forgive him, but… I can’t help but think, you know... If I just had taken a bit more initiative in really telling him my honest feelings, instead of just hinting at them… I also didn’t take the medicine anymore. If I had, the situation probably wouldn’t have been this bad.”

“And then what?” Hansol shot back sternly. “Suffer while taking the medicine and wait for it to get so bad that the medicine doesn’t work anymore? None, but I mean, _none_ of it is even slightly your fault. And about your feelings… Isn't that’s natural? I mean, when you love someone and you don’t know how the other feels, of course you’re going to be insecure. _He_ is the one that screwed up. No let me rephrase that. He _is_ screwed up. Who the fuck does this to someone they claim they love?”

“Hansol…”

“I’m only telling the truth, Yuta.”

Yuta wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. When was Hansol not right? They have been friends for such a long time and he has always been there for him whenever he needed it.

Yuta sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “I know you're right. I- I really do. But we still need to solve this together. Honestly, even now when I’m away from him…” and he looked at his hands, feeling the need to be honest with Hansol. “I need him. It’s fucked up, I know. Believe me, I know… But don’t worry. I’m not going to make it easy for him.”

Hansol patted his head. “I wished I could forbid you to see him, but I guess that isn't up to me.“ Then his eyes turned serious. “Just promise me that I won’t see you hurt anymore. Johnny and I, we care about you so much. These past two months were hard on us as well. If we had a vote in the matter, we would never let him close to you again, but I’m not stupid, you need him and he needs you.” Hansol let out a deep sigh.

However, before he could say anything else, the door opened again and Johnny walked inside. After closing the door he immediately rushed to Yuta’s side and grabbed his shoulders, almost pushing Hansol away in the process.

“Yuta! are you okay? God, I’m so happy to see you!”

Yuta chuckled and cursed himself for tearing up once again. He blamed his current state for being extra emotional.

“Hey savior,” he said to his tall friend.

Hansol rolled his eyes and pulled Johnny off of Yuta. “Let him breathe.”

“You bet I‘m your savior,” Johnny said with a genuine, relieved smile on his face. He wrapped his arm around Hansol’s shoulder. “You really have found the worst way possible to get the three of us together, Yu.”

Yuta just smiled fondly at his two friends. Yes. Everything would be okay.

  

* * *

 

“I won’t put you into therapy,” doctor Choi said when both Taeyong and Yuta were sitting in her office together later that day. Yuta was allowed to get out of bed after a few more hours of rest and if he wanted he could even leave the hospital. On the condition that there were people that would take care of him. But with Johnny and Hansol by his side, Yuta was confident that was the case. Even if he felt incredibly guilty towards them for making them worry this much.

He and Taeyong were both sitting on a chair opposite of the doctor. Yuta’s initial reaction at her words was relief. He would hate it if he was forced to undergo therapy, especially because there was only one person to blame for his condition.

And it was not him.

“Really?” Taeyong asked, apparently he was just as surprised as he was.

The doctor folded her hands and she looked at both of them sternly. “No, but I’m going to monitor you myself. From now on you will meet three times a week, no exceptions. You will both take your medicine accordingly. If you forget once, you call me and I’m forced to give you an injection with the same active substances that are in the pills, but as you know it will be hard on the body. So take it as a warning,” she looked at Yuta. “how are you feeling dear?”

Yuta, surprised at the question, sent her a hesitating smile. “I’m… okay I guess. Could be better, but at least the string isn’t tight anymore so…”

“Very well, but promise me to make an appointment if you suffer from nightmares because of the happenings, it's not uncommon. For now I will give you some ointment to put on the sore spot on your neck daily, the bruises will wear off quickly that way.”

Yuta was very thankful for that. He didn’t want to go on the street with his neck looking like it did now. “Thank you very much.”

She then turned to Taeyong. “I need to examine your wrist properly though,” she said seriously. “It may be sprained by the looks of it. I’ll definitely have to put some bandages around it.”

Yuta himself wasn’t wearing any bandages. The doctor initially wanted to put them on, but given the situation she told him she had decided against it. And Yuta was glad, because he had enough of having something tight around his neck.

“My wrist is okay,” Taeyong said, but Yuta knew it was a big fat lie. He knew it hurt. Not only by the way Taeyong was holding his wrist, wincing at every movement he made with it, but if it hurt only half as much as his neck did, he should get it checked.

“Please examine him,” Yuta insisted and he could feel Taeyong’s eyes on him. He kept facing the doctor though, who in return smiled at him. “Of course I will.”

Then she cleared her throat. “Now I want you to tell me what happened. This is serious, boys, you handled this the worst way possible. Time for stubbornness is over. It was already supposed to be over from the very beginning. Since no one called for a refill of the medicine I thought everything would be all right. But I guess I trusted you a little too much.” The way she said it was stern and full of disappointment and Yuta couldn’t help but feel bad

“It’s all on me, ma’am,” Taeyong said while fumbling with his hands. “We were progressing at the start, but I-“ He glanced sideways at Yuta who was watching him with mild interest. “I drew back after a while.” Then he looked back at his hands. “And I realize it was a mistake. I hurt a lot of people and-“

“At this moment I only care about the two of you and _your_ relationship,” the doctor interrupted him rudely. “What you did was incredibly stupid. As I told you before the two of you have such a strong soulmate bond. You’ve seen what happened to Yuta because of it. He suffered a tremendous lot, not only physically, but also mentally. And I am sure the same thing applies to you. This dangerous behavior is unacceptable. If you hadn’t been at home or if Yuta had called someone else other than you, he wouldn’t be sitting here next to you. Do you fully realize this, Taeyong?”

Yuta felt uncomfortable at the thought of not having called Taeyong to come. He shivered when he remembered the tightness making him unable to breath. He looked at Taeyong who was gritting his teeth. He had such a hurt expression on his face that Yuta could practically feel the emotion through their bond. It made him want to defend him. But he didn’t.

“Yes,” Taeyong admitted softly. “Yes, I realize that.”

“Good,” doctor Choi said. “For the sake of your futures I strongly advice against taking legal actions, but of course I’ll leave that choice up to you, Yuta. ”

Yuta was caught off guard by the question, but quickly shook his head. It wasn’t what he wanted at all. Where would that take them? “No,” he said. “I don’t see the point in that.”

“I didn’t expect you to,” the doctor said to him with a gentle smile. “Now, your soulmate bond is extra vulnerable and sensitive at this moment. A soulmate bond can’t break, but it _can_ be damaged. And I will tell you, yours is damaged to the max. It takes a lot of healing and that’s why you need to see each other so much in the upcoming weeks. It’s mandatory if you want to continue to live your life normally. I don’t care whether you just stay friends or are still able to develop a loving relationship, but do not, and I repeat, do _not_ let this happen again.”

So that explained why his feelings were so intense right now, Yuta realized. It was like the bond was begging him to be with Taeyong. Of course he couldn’t right now. He was strong-willed and he would not give out forgiveness like a charity worker. At least not to someone who didn’t deserve it. And Yuta didn’t care how many ‘I’m sorry’s he would hear, Taeyong had to give him more than just that.

“That’s all I wanted to say to you for now,” The doctor concluded and the boys stood up and bowed to her. She regarded them. “I honestly hope that from now on you will be wiser. I know you two can work it out. Please don’t betray my trust.” Yuta and Taeyong nodded after giving each other a quick look. They left the room quietly.

Before they could leave Taeyong was called by the nurse he remembered as Nayoung. She treated his wrist and put some bandages around it. Yuta waited for him. They had some meetups to plan anyway.

After Taeyong’s wrist was all wrapped up, they walked towards the exit together in silence. Yuta was relieved that his friends were waiting in the car for him and weren’t by his side constantly. He knew they wouldn't approve of seeing the two of them together and they would never let him talk civilly with Taeyong so quickly after everything that had happened. When they were finally outside, Yuta took a moment to close his eyes and breathe in some fresh air. It felt good, calming. He was also glad that most of his strength had returned to him, despite still feeling a little weak.

“Jae? W-what are you doing here?” Yuta suddenly heard Taeyong say and he focused his gaze on the boy his soulmate was staring at in surprise. He was very handsome, with broad shoulders and fluffy light brown hair. He stood tall with his arms crossed over his chest. This _had_ to be Taeyong’s roommate he had heard a few things about in His and Taeyong's earlier conversations, which, Yuta realized, seemed like such a long time ago.

“I’m here to drop off your stuff,” Taeyong's roommate answered coldly. Yuta blinked. Wasn’t this supposed to be the nice friend?

Taeyong seemed caught of guard as well. “What?”

“You’re sleeping somewhere else tonight.”

“Wait-“

“No, I’m done. You can come back tomorrow.” And he dropped Taeyong’s bag on the paved ground. “You should’ve listened to me. I was on your side _every_ single time, but not this time, Taeyong. Today I’m just too angry to have you around. I’m sure you have a contact somewhere to take you in for the night.” Yuta was shocked when the brown eyes looked at _him_  all of a sudden.

“I’m so sorry for his behavior. I can’t even imagine how it must’ve felt.” And he bowed apologetically. Yuta just blinked some more, not knowing how to handle the situation. “Ah… You don’t have to apologize,” he quickly said, waving his hands in front of him. Jaehyun just shot him a worried look.

Without saying another word Jaehyun turned around and walked towards the parking lot. Yuta quickly shot a look at Taeyong and saw the other biting his lip in frustration. Then a bitter laugh escaped his lips.

“I guess I deserved that,” he said.

“Yeah you did,” Yuta agreed. Their eyes met and Yuta couldn’t help but feel bad for Taeyong - he was looking so lost at the moment. Taeyong swallowed hard.

“Well… to come back on the most important matter. Should we start this week?”

“Yeah I think that’s okay,” Yuta carefully answered. Whether or not he wanted to meet up with the other, they didn't really have a choice. Preventing the strings from tightening was the priority now. A short silence fell and the atmosphere was slightly awkward and tense. Yuta decided to take the initiative. “It’s Saturday right? What about Tuesday, Friday and Sunday? I know you have work on Sunday, but you’re free in the afternoon right?”

“Yeah…” Taeyong said while running a hand through his hair. “Tuesday, Friday and Sunday it is then. Is 4 pm okay?”

Yuta nodded. He couldn't help but notice that Taeyong looked really pale. He wouldn't be him if he didn't make a comment about it.

“Get some rest, you look awful.”

Taeyong gave him a gentle smile and Yuta was caught off guard. Sometimes he forgot how stunning Taeyong could look. He looked rather his worst than his best, but still he was as beautiful as ever. Yuta didn't think it was fair. 

“I don’t deserve you." The words sounded apologetic.

“You don’t,” Yuta endorsed. A short silence followed in which both were not sure what to say or do.

“I think I'm leaving," Yuta finally said. "Are you going to be okay?” He couldn't help but be slightly worried, because well… Taeyong technically had nowhere to stay. The other nodded. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure something out.”

Yuta nodded at his answer and slowly stepped closer to Taeyong, who was standing with his back towards the parking lot where his friends were waiting. He halted next to his soulmate and slowly reached for his hand. He shortly intertwined their fingers and their arms touched. Yuta heard Taeyong gasp.

“Please make me able to forgive you,” Yuta whispered to him. Then he released his hand and left, without looking back.

And so he didn't see how Taeyong clasped a hand over his mouth and started crying silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you thought the angst was over?? Ha ha ha. 
> 
> Salvaninex is the name of the medicine that restores their soulmate bond. (it’s an abbreviation for Salvator Animae Nexum which means something like savior of the soul link. God my Latin certainly is not what it used to be and google translate knows no grammar^^;
> 
> ANYWAY please let me know what you thought about the chapter! Even if you didn’t like it, or were disappointed with the happenings, please let me know, I can always learn from feedback:) Hopefully see you next time!:D
> 
> If the story unfolds the way it does in my head right now, I think there are only two chapters left! (I’m lowkey thinking of making a sequel/spin-off with DoJae as the mains tho)  
> ~honEy D


	11. Falling For You All Over Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied, there are going to be 13 chapters instead of 12, because somehow I couldn’t stop writing and this chapter turned out to be so long that it would be too much for one chapter. I split it in two parts and the next part will hopefully be updated a bit quicker:) This chapter is around 7k lmao.
> 
> Ah I’m always nervous about updating, so I hope you will like it.
> 
> I can’t thank you enough for all the encouraging words in the previous chapter<3

It was Tuesday, a quarter to four pm, and Taeyong nervously stood in front of Yuta’s dorm room, a few roses clutched behind his back so tightly that he could feel one of the thorns pricking his skin.

He didn’t dare to knock just yet, fully aware of the fact that Yuta was expecting him since he had opened the main door for him after he called. He had no idea what he should say or what would happen today. It could go so many different ways that Taeyong hadn’t slept last night, going through every possibility in his head.

The last few days since Saturday were awkward and horrendous. When Jaehyun had practically casted him out of their apartment, he was actually totally lost. He had refused to call Taeil, having caused him enough pain and worries already. He knew the other older man enough to know he was having a hard time as well.

However, Taeyong couldn’t help but smile slightly at the memory of a call he received at five pm that Saturday. Doyoung had called him and without explaining anything and had told him to come over.

 

-

   
_Doyoung opened the door for him and silently gestured for him to come inside. Taeyong didn’t know what else to do and followed his best friend’s soulmate inside. When he closed the door behind him, Doyoung was already rummaging through a closet. When he noticed Taeyong standing still in the exact same spot, he turned to him._

" _I_ _don’t have a spare bedroom, so I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the couch for once,” He asked rather casually. When he found what he was looking for, Doyoung threw it at the bewildered Taeyong. It was a blanket._

_"W-why are you doing this?”_

_Doyoung walked up to him and crossed his arms, a worried look on his face. “Because I don’t think it was right of Jaehyun to ban you like this. I don’t know all the details of what happened since I only talked to Jae, but… You’ve been hurting over all of this for quite a while. I’m not going to let you sleep on the streets just because you’re a stupid asshole.”_

" _You wouldn’t let me sleep here if you knew what I did.”_

 _Doyoung rolled his eyes._ " _I don’t want to know. Now do you want to sleep here or not?”_

_Taeyong nodded and thanked him with a soft voice, touched by the other's kindness. Doyoung sent him a small smile in return and Taeyong realized that the both of them were actually better friends than he expected. Even though he should hate himself and not allow himself to feel only the slightest bit of happiness, he felt comfortable in the quite messy, but light apartment. And looking at his lanky friend, who was standing in front of him in an awkward way, gave him a comforting and calm feeling._

_“Just don’t tell Jae that I’ve let you sleep here,” Doyoung added with a sigh. “He won’t be happy if he finds out and I’m not really eager for him to spout his anger at me.”_

_“I won’t,” Taeyong promised him. Somehow he felt himself tearing up. “Thank you so much ,Doyoung, I really appreciate this. If there's anything I can do to repay you-”_

_“Just take a shower and go to sleep, Taeyong. You look exhausted. I take it that Jaehyun put some clean clothes in your bag? So yeah…” Then to the pink haired boy’s surprise, Doyoung walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Everything will be okay. You'll have a chance to fix this. He’s your soulmate and no matter how much you fucked up, that fact won’t change. Eventually he will forgive you. The most important thing for you right now is forgiving yourself and trying to make things right._

_“I don’t think if I can just yet.” Taeyong admitted defeatedly_

_“Then work on it. You will get nowhere otherwise, believe me, I know.” And this was the first time that Taeyong realized that not every couple, who may seem to have the perfect relationship, were in fact perfect._

   
-

  
He had spent the day after that at Doyoung’s place as well, before returning to his own apartment on Monday. Jaehyun had welcomed him home friendlier than Taeyong had expected and they didn’t talk about what happened. Maybe they should’ve, but Jaehyun knew Taeyong had to figure things out on his own first.

He tried to call Taeil yesterday, but the other didn’t pick up. It worried him, but if Taeil wanted some time on his own - probably to work on his thesis as well - Taeyong was resolute in giving him that space.

He took another deep breath before finally reaching for the door to knock on the surface. However before he could, the door swung open and he was immediately confronted with Yuta’s figure. He was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“Took you long enough,” Yuta said. “For a moment I thought you went home again.”

“No, no. I just…” Taeyong brought out awkwardly. His heart was beating against his chest rapidly because of the nerves. Hesitantly he got the flowers from behind his back. “I uh..” But he didn’t continue because Yuta was looking at the roses with such a bitter expression it made him feel guilty instantly for unknown reasons.

The slap then resounded through the empty hallway.

A shocked silence followed. Taeyong’s head was turned to the left completely and his hand shot to his right cheek in shock, his eyes widened and focused on the floor. He didn’t dare look at the person in front of him.

“You deserved that,” Yuta said softly, his hand returning next to him. then he let out a hollow laugh and he averted his gaze. “You deserve worse than that, you’re lucky your face is too pretty to beat up.”

“I-“

“You have some nerve showing up in front of me with flowers while you still haven’t talked with Taeil. You know, the boy who’s still your boyfriend.”

Taeyong’s shocked expression turned towards his soulmate. How did he even know his name? He never told him. As if he could read his mind Yuta continued, keeping his expression cold and his arms crossed. “He showed up here yesterday. He said he wanted to apologize to me because of what happened. Said he felt responsible.”

“He didn’t tell me. I-I didn’t know.”

“No, I know,” Yuta said. “He didn’t tell you because he’s just as confused and hurt as us. I invited him inside and we actually talked for a long time.” Yuta leaned against the door post. “And that’s why I’m so fucking angry right now. Because his feelings for you are so pure and genuine and yet you’re standing _here_.”

Taeyong was so lost for the moment. Of course he had wanted to talk to Taeil earlier, but he couldn’t just tell Yuta. ‘hey I’m not coming Tuesday, gotta talk to my boyfriend first.’

“Wait!” Taeyong started. “Of course I’m going to have a serious talk with him, but we promised to meet on Tuesday so I-“

“Stop right there, Taeyong!” Yuta shot back. “You want to work on this right? Than get your shit together first. You could’ve told me and I would have fucking understood.” And he let out a frustrated sound. “Realize it! Will you finally _please_ realize it. We, as in you and me together, we could have been happy by now! It didn’t have to end up like this. If you, back then, had just talked with me about it seriously, voicing your doubt about being together, I would’ve understood and we could’ve worked on it naturally. This is happening again and again because you don’t talk. You keep all of your feelings for yourself, hurting yourself and people who love you in the process.” Then he laughed bitterly and Taeyong hated the sound.

“Yuta-“

“No, no you listen to me right now, I wasn’t done,” Yuta interrupted him rudely. “If you think that these meetups are only for the purpose of simply ‘meeting up’. You know, just Tuesday, Friday and Sunday every week and that’s it, just like back then to make sure our strings don’t tighten again… then get the fuck out of my life.”

That was absolutely not what Taeyong was thinking. “You know I don’t think that way Yuta!” He said back.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking!” Yuta yelled. “I don’t know if you have feelings for me, if you want to become friends with me, want to fuck me, want to make up and disappear. I. don’t. fucking. Know. So tell me Taeyong. What _do_ you want?”

Taeyong could hear and feel his soulmate’s anger and desperation. And he couldn’t blame him. because what _did_ he want? He was unsure about it himself. However what he did know was that he didn’t want to lose Yuta again. He’d never been so scared as when he saw Yuta lying on the floor in the exact room that they were standing in front of.

He didn’t know how to answer Yuta.

And the Japanese boy saw it, because he started talking again, this time a lot softer. “You can come back Friday, today we won’t get anywhere with this. As long as you can’t communicate with us honestly, this is a waste of time.”

“I really want to make this right, you have to believe me on that,” Taeyong quickly said. “I didn’t lie in the hospital, I really think I… can’t live without you.”

“Don’t only do this for me, do it for yourself as well,” Yuta said. “Because what is the purpose of this if you only want to please me, tell me what I want to hear?” Then he closed his eyes and sighed tiredly. Taeyong wanted to reach out, but didn’t.

Yuta stretched out his hands and Taeyong looked at him questioningly.

“Give me the flowers, I don’t want you to go to Taeil and give him those because I wouldn’t accept them.”

And Taeyong did, wordlessly, a bitter feeling crawling up his throat. Their eyes met for a moment, but Yuta quickly averted his gaze while taking a step back reaching out for the door knob.

“See you Friday.” And with that he closed the door hesitantly. After recovering from the initial shock Taeyong laid his forehead against the door and sighed. This wasn’t what he had planned. But Yuta had a point and he felt like a fool when he was confronted with it. Taeil was important to him and the other even went out of his way to apologize to Yuta while Taeil himself deserved an apology as well.

However in that moment, with words from Jaehyun, Doyoung, Yuta and Taeil going through his mind, Taeyong decided that there was only one option that would be right.

He had to give Yuta and him a try. His mind screamed at him not to do it, but for the first time he ignored it. All his stupid decisions had led to this. And he should make them right. Deep in his heart he had known all along that Yuta was the person he wanted. But this wasn’t about what _he_ wanted anymore. It was time to be honest. To Taeil, to Yuta and most of all to himself. He still felt guilty and he knew the feeling wouldn’t die down soon. However, he couldn’t drown in self-pity for the rest of his life.

He was done making excuses. Done with trying to live a lie.

The only thing that scared him, no terrified him, was the way Yuta felt about _him_. Would the Japanese boy still be willing to give them a try?

  

* * *

 

When Taeyong arrived at his and Jaehyun’s apartment, he noticed that the familiar blue car wasn’t parked where it usually was. In fact it wasn’t there at all. It surprised him slightly, since Jaehyun had been home when he left to go to Yuta’s place.

With a tired sigh he put the key in the lock and opened the door.

“Jae? You home?” He called and he turned on the lights.

Only to see a reading Taeil on the couch.

He stared at the other in shock. “T-Taeil?! What are you doing here?”

His current boyfriend closed his book and looked at him with a gentle smile before patting the spot next to him. “We need to talk. I came by and Jaehyun left to have dinner with Doyoung to give us some privacy.”

Taeyong gulped and walked over to the couch to sit next to the shorter. Taeil immediately grabbed his hand and Taeyong couldn’t help but let out an “I’m sorry for everything.”

Taeil put his head against his shoulder and sighed while looking at their intertwined fingers.  “You know,” he started, not saying anything about the apology. “For a long time I really wished to be like this. Just you and me, trying to lead a life without a soulmate. But as time passed I realized that it would never be like that. I saw what not seeing Yuta did to you and I wondered… what happens when I meet my soulmate? Will it be this hard?”

Taeyong heard a sniff and he quickly turned to Taeil, a deep feeling of regret taking hold of his gut.

“Taeil… please don’t cry. I can’t see you cry,” he said in an emotional way.

The shorter quickly went over his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater and let out a chuckle. “Your such a softie, Taeyong.” Then his eyes turned a bit sadder. “I’m an idiot. I thought if I’d just kept being with you, ignoring everything else, that it would work. But I should have known… “ and then he said something really unexpected.

“I’m breaking up with you Taeyong. I can’t do this anymore and I don’t know if I’m stubborn enough to keep you from Yuta or to resist my own soulmate. I was really happy with you though… and even though you were hurting all the while, you made me feel safe and special, so thank you for that. Also…” and he let out an embarrassed chuckle, but it sounded a bit choked up as well, “You’re not that bad in bed. I’ll miss you. Oh and I'm getting a little sick of all the apologies, so don’t apologize. We’re both to blame for this. We should’ve ended this way earlier…”

And even though Taeyong was planning on breaking up with Taeil himself, he still felt his heart break. Because he had in fact had felt something for Taeil. Be it love, be it an understanding of his character. Taeil had become something unmissable for him

“I’m really sorry anyway, for making you feel sad, for getting you in this mess... I- I’ll miss you as well,” Taeyong said back and he squeezed Taeil’s hand. the latter let go of his hand and suddenly cupped his face to kiss him on the lips softly. He immediately pulled back again and patted Taeyong’s cheek a few times.

“Be good to Yuta.”

“He hit me today you know… for not talking to you before showing up on his doorstep. He really liked you.”

“He did?” Taeil asked him in a surprising way. he couldn’t help but smile amusingly and leaning back heavily against the back of the couch. “He sure is something else. I get what you see in him, he really is your type.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you went to Yuta… and to apologize on top of that. You knew you didn’t have to,” Taeyong asked him then.

“I _did_ have to,” Taeil stated. “I mean, he nearly suffocated because _we,_ as in you and me, had sex. It’s not all on you, I might not be a med student or an expert on soulmate bonds, but even I realize it couldn’t be healthy. I just felt responsible.”

Taeyong nodded. He still didn’t think Taeil was to blame for anything, but the other wouldn't believe him anyway. Taeil too could be really stubborn when he wanted.

“So you two actually hung out together after that?” He asked him then to fill the silence that was threatening to fall. It was such a weird idea: two people of the few that were most important to him, being together.

“You can’t call it hanging out exactly. But since we both study at the same uni, we had some common conversation ground. He’s cute when he smiles as well.” Taeil smiled at Taeyong who was looking at him weirdly. “Don’t worry, nothing can beat your face.”

“Taeil…” Taeyong whined in embarrassment.

But it felt good like this. And for the first time Taeyong had a feeling that things would be all right. Even if there was a long way to go. If he'd do his best and worked hard for it, he wanted to believe that fate would be a little more merciful.

  

* * *

 

“I’m sorry for Tuesday.” Was the first thing Yuta said as he opened the door of his room. It was Friday, almost four pm and Yuta had actually thought a lot about what he would say to his soulmate. Of course he had the right to be angry, but it wasn’t right to hit someone for it. “I was just really angry after talking with Taeil…” He avoided looking at Taeyong. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

When Yuta looked up to his soulmate’s face, the other was scratching his cheek with his finger awkwardly. “Honestly, it’s okay. I kind of deserved it anyway. It were the words I needed to hear.” And he shot him a hesitant smile, slowly taking his other hand from his back to reveal a single blue rose. And Yuta normally would’ve cringed at something as cliché as giving flowers, but the way Taeyong did it, looking at him with doubt yet confidence, made Yuta reach out slowly to take the rose from his soulmate’s hand.

“Maybe,” he said, “but we should’ve talked about it in a civil, calm way. This doesn’t help.” Then he looked at the rose apologetically. “It’s really pretty…” then he looked back over his shoulder to his room. “I mean the others were pretty as well, but,” and he looked back to Taeyong sheepishly. “Well… they ended up kind of ruined.”

Taeyong let out a chuckle at that. “I can imagine. That’s why I brought you a new one. Also, don’t worry, I already talked with Taeil. But I’ll tell you about it later.”

The atmosphere was strange and awkward, yet Yuta forgot about his worries for a bit and it was nice hearing his soulmate’s voice in such a natural way. He was undeniably curious about Taeyong's discussion with Taeil. He might have an idea what it was about, but he was so insecure about everything at the moment that he didn’t know what to expect anymore.

Yuta took a deep breath and stepped forward, closing his door behind him. “So? Where are we going?”

“I was thinking about just walk and talk. If that’s okay with you.”

“Sure.”

They left Yuta’s student complex and ended up walking around the university campus. They did some small talk, but it was more postponing the things they really needed to talk about. When the silence between them became a bit too long, Taeyong carefully started.

“So... As I mentioned earlier, I talked with Taeil yesterday.” And Yuta was immediately on guard and attentive. He was curious alright.

“Actually the talk was on his initiative, but that doesn’t matter. The point is...” And he took a deep breath. “He broke up with me.” And a sad smile formed on Taeyong’s face. Yuta was caught off guard quite a bit. Because when he had talked with Taeil, it was obvious the other was close to in love with Taeyong. Him breaking up with Taeyong didn’t sound that logical.

“He did?”

Taeyong went through his hair with his hands. “Yeah. I mean, I was a coward. I couldn’t say shit, but _he_ … he told me he couldn’t be with me like this, knowing that I have feel-” but he quickly changed his words choice. “Knowing about our current situation.” Yuta noticed that Taeyong kept stubbornly looking in front of him, hints of regret visible on his features.

“He’s too good for you,” Yuta said eventually. “He should find someone who can give him all the love he deserves.”

Taeyong laughed awkwardly at that. “Yeah, you’re right.” Then a frown appeared on his handsome face. “I hurt him a lot and I regret that... but somehow I don’t regret being with him for him. I care about him a lot. But it turned out to be different from love.”

“You fitted well together though.” Yuta added casually. He meant it. Taeil was a little shorter than he was, and despite ratiating a different kind of energy they looked homely together. Their personalities went quite well together too. Yuta felt a little jealous of that. He shouldn’t be, but he couldn’t help it.

“Hm maybe...” Taeyong said back. This time he actually did look at him and Yuta was surprised at the resoluteness that showed in his eyes. “I made up my mind anyway. I want to focus on rebuilding our relationship, healing our bond. That’s what’s most important right now. It hurt when he broke up with me, but somewhere I felt relieved as well. I know I’m an asshole, but I promised you I’d be more honest… and I will be.”

Yuta felt different emotions going through him at his soulmate’s words. He felt nice when Taeyong said he wanted to heal their bond. And the hint of a possible relationship made his heart flutter a little. He cursed his reactions, feeling like he shouldn’t feel this way just yet. But what could he do?

After that they walked around a bit more, finding it easier than originally thought to talk about their recent days. Taeyong told him that he went to his roommate’s soulmate when he got banned from their apartment and Yuta hesitantly showed his string under the turtle neck he was wearing when Taeyong asked him if the bruises were healing fine.

It was civil, it was friendly and Yuta felt a weight lift off his shoulders, having worried for days about talking with Taeyong. He had doubted a lot if they would ever be okay again. And they were still far from there, but this was definitely a start.

When it was around six and they were almost back at Yuta’s dorm, out of nowhere Yuta asked the other a question.

“Does the blue rose have some secret meaning or?” He was just curious to be honest. It wasn’t a very common flower to give and Yuta wasn’t stupid. If his soulmate went out of his way to get a blue rose for him, it had to mean something. And Yuta had always been kind of straightforward.

Taeyong watched the pavement with an amused smile. “Who knows.”

Yuta sighed deeply at the answer. “Forget I asked.” Well that was embarrassing… Taeyong suddenly stopped next to a blue, rather small car. Yuta looked at his soulmate questioningly. “Why are you stopping?”

“This is my car, or rather Jaehyun’s.” He laughed embarrassedly. “I kinda borrowed it without him knowing.”

“Ah I didn’t know you could drive.”

Taeyong shrugged. “I’m not a student and have a job, it’s kinda mandatory actually. And how do you think I could get to you so fast… You know, last week.” And he hesitated slightly. Somehow it annoyed Yuta more than it should and he felt a weary feeling in his gut at the memory.

“Of course...” He just said.

“Hey.” And Taeyong nudged him. “Want to go for a drive on Sunday? I’ll make sure I have the car and I can pick you up at your place.” And then to Yuta’s surprise Taeyong’s cheeks reddened a little. “Only if you want of course.”

It sounded nice. Yeah… He actually really liked that idea. Just driving around and relaxing without other people around sounded exactly like what he needed. The only reason why Yuta hesitated was the fact that it was so soon. It all went so quickly. He should still be mad at the other, giving him a hard time. But hanging out with Taeyong had such a natural flow, that it was hard forcing his anger through.

He didn’t want to be angry. He just wanted things to go easy for a change.

“I’d like that,” Yuta finally answered as he slid his fingers over the exterior of the car. When he turned around to face Taeyong the other smiled at him warmly.

“This isn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be.”

Yuta raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re not quite there yet.”

“Oh I know. I’m just happy we are actually making progress so soon,” Taeyong said to him truthfully and it surprised Yuta. normally _he_ was the one who said what came to mind so easily. But maybe Taeyong had learned to be a little more honest about his feelings and thoughts.

That was a nice thought.

Yuta just hummed, not quite knowing what to say and Taeyong opened the door of the driver’s seat. He didn’t get in yet though and he searched for Yuta’s eyes. The latter noticed that they were actually standing quite close.

“About your earlier question…” and Taeyong let a pause fall before speaking again. “The blue rose _does_ have a meaning.” And he looked at Yuta intensely, softly touching his arm, but retreating it again when Yuta flinched slightly. “It means something like I can’t have you, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Yuta blinked.

And blinked again.

“Oh,” he let out dumbly and he cursed his heart for beating faster than it was supposed to.

“See you on Sunday, Yuta.”

And Taeyong gave him a last look before getting in his car and closing the door. Yuta took a few steps backwards and just kept standing still while his soulmate started the engine and drove away. Only when the car was out of sight he let out a breath he was holding.

 

_I can’t have you, but I can’t stop thinking about you._

 

The first thing Yuta did when he arrived at his dorm was quickly picking up the blue rose that lay carelessly on his desk to put it in a glass of water since he couldn’t find something else to put it in. He stabilized it further by letting the flower lean against a stack of books.

Later that evening when Johnny came to his room to ask for ping-pong ball to play beer pong with some friends in the basement, he pointed at the flower.

“He really gave you another one? Woah he’s got some dedication, I’ll give him that.”

Yuta just rummaged through his drawer and threw the light white ball at his tall friend accompanied by a "Shut up".

Johnny caught it with one hand and blew him a kiss. “Thank you.”

“Get out asshole, hope you have a hangover tomorrow.”

“love you too, Yu,” Johnny said before closing the door behind him.

Yuta sighed and sat down on his bed. He shot the flower another look before letting himself fall backwards on the fluffy sheets. He didn’t want to feel excited for Sunday.

But he still was.

 

* * *

 

When Yuta stepped in the car on Sunday, the first thing Taeyong noticed was the other’s new hair color. It wasn’t a drastic change, but more subtle. His color had changed from a lighter shade of brown to a darker, almost black one. And when their eyes met in a greeting, Taeyong didn’t think he had ever seen someone quite as beautiful as Yuta.

“It looks nice, your hair.”

And as if Yuta had totally forgotten about it, he touched his head. “Oh... Thanks. Hello to you too, by the way.”

Taeyong watched the wheel embarrassingly. “Yeah... Hey.”

As Yuta fastened his seatbelt he looked at him. “So where are we going?” And this was a question Taeyong _did_ know the answer to. He had planned it after all.

“I thought maybe we could go to one of the neighboring cities. The city a few miles from here has a highway next to the lake and since it’s Sunday the streets are not as busy as usual…”

“Sounds good to me,” Yuta said with a tiny smile. And without further ado Taeyong fixed his mirror and put his foot on the gas pedal.  

The first hour of the drive was rather awkward, but as the time passed Taeyong noticed that Yuta felt more and more comfortable. It was nice to see. They talked quite a bit about music and movies and Taeyong couldn’t help but think it felt like a date. Especially when the sun reflected on the water nicely when they drove past the lake and Yuta’s eyes sparkled with interest as he looked outside.

They stopped a few times underway to grab a drink somewhere and time flew by. Before they knew it, it was eight pm. The street lights were on and the sky became a bit darker as the sun went down. In the meanwhile the radio was playing a random pop songs they both couldn’t care less about. Taeyong glanced next to him. Yuta had rolled the window down halfway, his arm hanging outside to catch the rain and his hair blowing in and out his face, depending on the direction of the wind. He was looking outside with a satisfied look in his eyes, humming along with the song. He looked so carefree for the moment and a surge of affection made Taeyong’s heart beat a little faster.

This was what he wanted.

If he could choose a moment to be in for the rest of his life, this would be it.

And it scared him, because he had never felt something like this before. Yes, he was quite sure that he liked Yuta in a romantic way, but with all the stress and problems along the way, he never took a moment to think about his feelings clearly. But now, in this moment, he was in love.

He was in love with Yuta.

“Maybe it’s a tip to keep your eyes on the road,” Yuta said amusingly. “You know, just saying.”

Taeyong laughed at that, feeling a blush creep up his face. Yuta took his arm inside again, rubbing it with his other hand to warm it.

“I’m hungry.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes at the statement, but hummed in agreement. They hadn’t eaten anything and since they were still at least half an hour away from their home city, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get something along the way.

“We could stop by Mc Donald’s?” Taeyong opted.

“Sure,” Yuta agreed.

And so they ended up ordering their food in the drive thru when they saw the familiar yellow M dooming up on the road. Instead of going inside the restaurant, they ate their food in the car, in the parking lot. They both weren’t in the mood to be among other people and annoying, screaming children. Plus they had spent the whole afternoon with the two of them alone together. Taeyong felt like it would ruin the mood by breaking the chain. This was their moment.

“You know,” Yuta began as he chewed away a few fries. “We should do this more often. Just driving around. it’s more fun than I thought.”

Taeyong felt incredibly happy at his words, fully agreeing on them as he took a sip from his coke.   

“Any ideas on what you want to do Tuesday?” Taeyong asked him then and Yuta turned towards him while shrugging. “No idea. Maybe go to the park again?” Then his eyes turned a little softer and Yuta averted his gaze. “It's stupid but ever since you stood me up back then, I always had this weary feeling every time I went there. I want to get rid of it and replace it with a better feeling.” Then Yuta smiled at him. “This wasn’t to make you feel guilty again so you can stop your sad puppy face.” He thought for a second and added. “Your forgiven for that by the way. Not for everything just yet, but yeah…”

“It’s a start,” Taeyong said back. He was feeling so warm and nice it was ridiculous. He grinned. “And come on, my puppy face isn’t that bad.”

Yuta just shoved his shoulder.

When they arrived at Yuta’s student residence, the Japanese boy unfastened his seatbelt. He hesitantly looked at Taeyong who was leaning on his arms against the wheel.

“Thank you for today.”

Taeyong sent him a smile. “No thank _you._ For giving me another chance and for being nice company.”

“Your company isn’t that bad either,” Yuta said back and then a bit softer he added, “you’re really trying… I’m glad.” And with those words Yuta left the car and without looking back he walked inside the building. The silence in the car made Taeyong aware of his beating heart.

_Of course I’m trying, I would be an idiot if I wouldn’t._

 

* * *

 

“You really want to create better memories here by sitting on wet grass?” Taeyong asked Yuta incredulously, eyeing the grass with a frown. It was Friday and almost five pm when Taeyong and Yuta arrived at the city park. Yuta told Taeyong he had to run some errands and they had decided to meet at the spot they used to sit at, all those weeks ago.

Yuta rolled his eyes at his soulmate. “Well, sorry princess, I didn’t know you were scared of getting your pants ruined.” Everything in the park was wet. Even the benches that were standing along the paths were covered in a layer of water. The weather had been quite awful the last few days, but Yuta didn’t really mind. He liked nature in all its states.

Taeyong huffed at him and sat down on the grass, as if he needed to show him that he definitely wasn’t a ‘princess’. Yuta just laughed at him and sat down as well. Ever since they went on that drive on Sunday, Yuta felt like they were growing closer once again. But it didn’t feel wrong, it felt welcome. Maybe he should start relying on his feelings more, instead of overthinking what should and should not feel right.

“Happy now?” Taeyong said as he cringed at the wetness of the grass when he put his hands on it.

“More than,” Yuta answered with a grin.

“So now what?” Taeyong said. “This time it’s your turn to think of something.”

Yuta thought for a moment, but soon enough he felt a smile creep up his face. “We can listen to some music. I don’t know if you’re into bands… but I’ve got Day6’s new album. Want to check it out?”

“You said you were more into hip-hop and R&B though?” Taeyong half asked. Yuta nodded and removed the bangs from his eyes. He felt a bit embarrassed for saying it.

“Well yeah I do, but I like to write reviews on a music streaming website.” Taeyong looked at him surprised.

“Really? That’s actually pretty cool. Be sure to recommend me some later.”

Yuta got his earphones out of his bag. “I will.” He passed one of them to Taeyong and put the other in his own ear while plugging the other end in his phone. He saw Taeyong hesitantly shuffle closer to him to get into the range of the cable. Then he put the other side in his ear. Yuta pressed play and immediately the music came through the earphones nicely.

They were both sitting opposite of each other with crossed legs, heads bowed towards each other slightly to give the cable some breathing room. Yuta enjoyed almost every type of music when done right. With the exception of some people walking their dogs or some joggers, he and Taeyong were the only ones in the park. Even though it was rather cold outside and his pants were getting wet, Yuta felt at peace. When he looked at Taeyong, the other was smiling slightly and Yuta felt his body warm at the fond feeling.

“Do you really think fate forces our feelings upon us?” He asked Taeyong after a while.

“Huh?” The other asked rather dumbly, probably not expecting the question. Then his expression turned a bit more serious. “Yeah I guess in a way it does. I mean it makes people meet, who otherwise would have never met. And that always made me wonder... Does fate create our feelings for our soulmate? And if so, wouldn't it be better to follow our heart freely? To have real feelings, instead of 'fake' ones.”

Yuta understood. He didn’t agree, but he could see the point. “Back then you said your friends have a loving relationship, do you think their feelings are fake?” Tt wasn’t meant in a mean, tricking way. He really was curious.

“No. Their feelings are as real as can be. They fit each other so well. They’re like an extension of the other.”

“Then why couldn’t you, or rather, didn’t you want to believe my feelings were real? What makes you think feelings caused by a soulmate bond are faker than without it?”

Taeyong ruffled his own hair. “Because I didn’t think someone could love me like that without knowing me really well.” and he shook his head softly. “I was also hung up about my past. Can’t say I’m not anymore... My parents, as I told you, were so unhappy and it just felt like fate ruined their life and chances on happiness. Since then my mother suffered a lot and even now she feels the loss of a soulmate… it’s a feeling I can now relate to, to a certain extent.”

“Shouldn’t it be a motivation to be different from them though?” Yuta reasoned. “You know, trying to embrace fate and make yourself happy? I think… I think that’s what your mother would want for you. To be happy.”

Taeyong looked at him with wide eyes. Then he let out a breathy laugh. “You’re definitely right about that.”

After their words a comfortable silence fell over them while they listened to the music. Yuta suddenly scooted a bit closer to his soulmate and with a bit of courage he laid his head on Taeyong’s shoulder slowly. He felt Taeyong stiffen, but the other didn't do anything to shrug him off. Taeyong's shoulder was a bit bony, but it still felt warm and pleasant.

“This is a nice song,” he said softly while closing his eyes. His heart was beating in his chest comfortably, spreading a fluttery feeling through his chest. When the first chorus ended, his eyes shot open when Taeyong’s finger pressed the home button of his phone, touching Yuta’s hand in the process.

“’I Would’ huh? I agree it’s nice.” And Taeyong retreated his hand again. He just wanted to see what the song’s name was. Of course. Yuta laughed at himself for being left breathless at such a little and innocent action.

They stayed like that for another song before Yuta decided to lift up his head again. They talked for a bit more and the songs went by one by one. At one point Yuta let himself fall back on the grass, resulting in Taeyong losing the earbud. He heard a sigh coming from the other before Taeyong laid down next to him, picking the earbud up again and putting it back in his ear.

“I feel good baby, I feel great.” Yuta suddenly started to sing along with the song out of nowhere as he imitated drum motions in the air.

He heard Taeyong laugh, but soon the pink haired boy joined him in singing the words that were repeated in the song.

After the song ended he looked next to him and Taeyong looked back at him with such a genuine and big smile that Yuta couldn’t help but fall in love all over again.

This was what he wanted. If this moment could just go on forever…

Of course it started to rain at that moment. But Yuta didn’t really mind. They quickly got up and walked towards the exit together, music still playing in their ears, but already on the third album.   

When they were finally at the exit Taeyong took out the earbud and gave it back to Yuta. his hair, face and clothes were wet, but Yuta had never seen someone look so attractive.

“I had a lot of fun,” Taeyong said.

“Yeah me too.”

“So? Did your feelings about this place change after today?”

Yuta smiled at him sweetly. “Yes in fact they did. Thank you. Now I can come here comfortably again.”

“Good,” Taeyong said and after a bit of hesitation he softly touched Yuta’s arm. “See you Friday.” And Yuta’s heart skipped a beat at the touch. Before the Korean boy could walk away, Yuta quickly grabbed his wrist.

“Wait.” And he let go of his wrist instantly when he realized it was the wrist with his string. “This Friday Hansol and Johnny were planning on taking me to the club. You wanna come?” It was an idea that came to his mind in the spur of the moment. He couldn’t resist in asking.

“Uh… I never really go clubbing though…” Taeyong said with a frown on his face.

“It’s fun,” Yuta reassured him. “Live a little. You can finally get a glimpse of the student life. And don’t worry about my friends, I always go my own way in there anyway.”

“Okay,” Taeyong finally agreed and Yuta couldn't help but feel excited.

“Sweet! Come to my place at ten. Then we can go together.”

“What do I even wear?” Taeyong asked him and he looked like a lost wet puppy for a moment. It tore a chuckle from Yuta’s throat.

“Whatever you want, really. We’re students remember? Some of us show up in our pajamas at the lecture hall.” And Yuta saw the corner of his soulmate’s mouth turn up slightly. “Understood,” he said softly before hiding his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

They quickly said their goodbyes and went opposite ways, walking to their apartments alone. On his way, Yuta couldn’t forget Taeyong’s smile and how it made him feel. He knew what it meant, he had felt it before with him when they had held hands for the first time.

He was in love with Taeyong.

He realized he had actually never really been out of love with him. Of course, when the other broke his heart or when he ended in the hospital, the feelings had died down a little, anger overpowering his other emotions. But now, now it was different. He wanted to pursue this fluttery feeling in his chest. To make it last.

And this time he knew that Taeyong had feelings for him as well. It showed in the way his soulmate desperately wanted to make things right and work on their relationship, even develop it further. And with the way Taeyong looked at him, the way he softly touched him so now and then, it all made Yuta feel wanted and appreciated. He couldn't give him a hard time forever.

Maybe just maybe it was time to forgive and forget.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a really fun chapter to write, especially the driving scene! Next chapter there will be a direct continuation of this chapter as I said before:)
> 
> BUT OKAY like I still feel pretty insecure about this chapter, especially in regard of the pacing. So please let me know. Do you think they got closer too (unrealistically) fast? Or was it okay? and was the breakup part between Taeil and Taeyong too… easy?? Comments are always appreciated! (and yes I listened to Day6's album a lot<3 it's so good and some songs really suited the vibe of the chapter)  
> I'm so sorry for any mistakes, this chapter was a disaster to edit and correct... 
> 
> Uwaa I was really dying to write something happy for this story again!^-^  
> See you next chapter!!<3  
> ~honEy D


	12. Just Like That We Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwaa I can’t believe next chapter is the last chapter already! But first of course we have this one:)
> 
> It’s going to be fun. I at least had a lot of fun writing it. Thank you all so much for reading, kudoing and commenting, I can’t believe this already got more than 3k hits;-; it really means a lot. It’s a pretty long chapter once again, so I hope you won’t mind~

“Don’t you need to meet Yuta today?” Jaehyun asked him casually while after taking a large gulp from the water bottle in his hand. His roommate just went out for a run and he was surprised when Taeyong was still in the apartment. Normally he would’ve already been gone on Fridays.

Taeyong who was currently lying on the couch, turned on his stomach to look at his friend. “I still am. We’re going out later tonight.” His words resulted in a raised eyebrow from Jaehyun.

“Going out? As in?”

“To a club.”

An amused smile appeared on Jaehyun’s face. “For someone who lives for dancing, you actually never go out. His idea, I presume?”

Taeyong sighed and shifted in a more upright position, glancing at the clock. It was five pm still, which meant he still had five hours to go before he’d see Yuta again. He hated waiting, especially when he was nervous like he was now.

He ruffled a hand through his own hair. “Yeah…”

“Well, call me if you need something. I’m going to take a shower,” Jaehyun said. Taeyong quickly halted him.

“Wait Jaehyun!” The other turned around, looking at him questioningly, and Taeyong felt a little embarrassed. “I- I don’t really… I mean, I never go out, so can you help me choose an outfit?” He didn’t even dare to look at his friend. Taeyong usually wasn't like this. His sense for fashion wasn't terrible, but he never really put a lot of thought in what to wear. And normally it wouldn't bother him, but Yuta had a certain effect on him - it made him want to look as good as possible.

Jaehyun snorted at the question, but sent him a dimpled smile nonetheless. “Sure. Although I’m pretty sure Yuta doesn’t really mind what you’ll wear.”

“I know. I just…” Taeyong groaned frustratingly. “Ah seriously… What has become of me?”

Jaehyun sat down next to him on the couch. “I know how it feels. Soulmates are something different, Taeyong… They make you feel things you've never experienced before. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”

Taeyong sighed. “I know. I  _am_ really trying to accept it.”

“And I’m proud of you for it,” his friend said cheerily while patting his back in a comforting manner. “It’s nice to see you actually try to change your mind about things. I mean, back then when I banned you from our apartment, I was just so angry at you. You were incredibly stubborn and ignoring your own feelings _and_ your soulmate’s feelings. Let me tell you something… I could never imagine ignoring or shutting out my feelings for Doyoung. It just feels so wrong to do. And just that fact: imagining Doyoung hurting because I don’t want to accept him or his feelings, that was what made me act the way I did. It also made me a bit blind to your point of view…” Jaehyun leaned back in the couch. “I was a bit too hard on you.”

“You weren’t,” Taeyong stated resolutely. “It was something that I needed in order for me to understand that this was not only affecting me or Yuta, but also our environment. You’re the best friend someone could wish for. Maybe I don’t say it much, but I mean it. Without you I don't think I could've come so far.”

Their eyes met and they shot each other an awkward yet satisfied smile, glad they could share their honest feelings with each other. Jaehyun then slapped his own thighs and stood up.

“Now let me help you with your outfit.”

 

* * *

 

When Yuta opened the door of his own room he was met with an obviously awkward Taeyong. Inwardly he had to laugh a little when he noticed the other's surprised look upon hearing the music coming from behind him. Quickly, before Taeyong could say anything, Yuta pressed a glass into his hands. His soulmate shot him a lost look. Cute.

“It’s gin tonic. And don’t worry, lots of tonic.” Yuta gave him a bright smile while sucking on the straw in his own glass. It really seemed like Taeyong had never been out seriously. His eyes certainly told him he hadn’t. It was surprising given Taeyong's love for dancing. But he wouldn't be someone to judge.

Talking about his eyes… Yuta suddenly coughed when the liquid went down his throat the wrong way after looking at his soulmate properly.

“You okay?” Taeyong asked worriedly and to his own surprise Yuta felt his cheeks turn a little pink. “Yeah yeah,” he reassured with a dismissive gesture as he scraped his throat.

“You look good,” he told him then.

Taeyong blinked at him dumbly and triumphantly Yuta detected the start of a rosy blush, high on his cheeks, in response at the compliment. It showed that Taeyong had tried his best to look as good as possible. His soulmate was visually stunning at any given time, but today he  _shone_. He was wearing a loose fitting black shirt, tucked in his tight, dark jeans stylishly, and had put on white sneakers. Yuta even spotted some foundation and a dark, black line around his eyes as well. All in all, Taeyong looked striking and Yuta had trouble tearing his eyes away from him. Less is more had never been as true as now.

“Thank. you,” Taeyong said and in return as he took his time taking in Yuta's appearance. “You too,” he said a little breathlessly. It made Yuta feel satisfied. Amazing even. Of course he too had tried to look extra good tonight. He always tried his best when he was meeting up with Taeyong. Maybe that was what having feelings for someone did with you; making you hyperaware of yourself.  

Yuta stepped back and gestured for the other to come inside. Taeyong quickly followed and closed the door behind him.

“So… what’s the plan exactly?” Taeyong asked him after taking place on Yuta’s desk chair, sipping from his drink hesitantly.

Yuta smiled at the sight. It felt nice having his soulmate in his own territory. It was comfortable like this he and couldn’t help but enjoy the other’s squirming.

“We’ll leave around eleven or eleven thirty, depends… And oh we’re just going with the two of us. I don’t want to make things awkward, so Johnny and Hansol will just go with the two of them.”

Taeyong looked noticeably relieved. However, he still asked him whether  _he_ was really okay with that.

Yuta’s shot him a gentle smile. "I don't mind at all. You weren’t exactly on the best terms last time you met. And I just want to have fun instead of worrying for a fight.”

“Oh…” Taeyong just said and took a gulp of his drink. “And what do we do here before that time?”

“Drink,” Yuta told him plainly. “And listen to music. Treat it as a preparty.”

That finally put a small smile on Taeyong’s face. Just when Yuta thought he couldn’t get more handsome… His heart started beating pleasantly fast and he couldn't help but look forward to what the night would bring. The anticipation scared him slightly, but he brushed it off. He had come in terms with his feelings for Taeyong anyway. And he knew the other had feelings for him as well.

Luckily, Taeyong didn’t turn out to be a lightweight. Yuta himself wasn’t either and he loved having a couple of drinks before going out. Liquid courage wasn’t a thing for nothing and Yuta gladly made use of it.

Later, when the Japanese boy walked over to his sink to apply some make-up, he felt a little breathless when he saw Taeyong lying down on his bed through the mirror. Taeyong was moving his hands in different gestures as the music played and just the fact that his soulmate was lying on _his_ bed was something that affected Yuta more than he liked.

Time flew by and soon enough it was time to leave. Even though he would’ve rather spend the night in his room, Yuta definitely wanted Taeyong to loosen up a little more. He had always wanted to see Taeyong dance seriously if he was being honest.

As they walked outside, Yuta led them to the bicycle stand to grab his bike. Taeyong was surprised at that.

“What? When you’re a student, believe me when I tell you that your bicycle is your best friend,” Yuta explained to him.

“And you want me to sit on _that_?” Taeyong asked him incredulously while pointing at the luggage carrier of the bicycle.

Yuta snorted and put his hands in his sides. “Oh please, it isn't as uncomfortable as it looks. That said, I wouldn’t have minded for you to ride it, but you have no idea where to go, so suck it up.”

“Won’t it break?”

This time it was Yuta who looked at Taeyong with an incredulous look. “You’re skinny as hell. And for reassurance, even Hansol sat on that and he’s taller than you.” Taeyong apparently still wasn’t convinced.

Yuta rolled his eyes. “It. Won’t. Break. Now jump up or I’ll leave you here,” he said while taking place behind the steer.

Taeyong sighed and sat down on the carrier sideways, placing his hands on Yuta’s waist for support. Taeyong’s hands were warm and Yuta couldn’t help but shiver slightly at the contact.

The first few meters Yuta wobbled for a bit, but eventually they rode steadily through the streets. Yuta hadn’t drunk enough for being incapable of riding his bicycle and he enjoyed the wind going through his hair.

“How’s your wrist by the way?” Yuta asked him after a minute or so, not taking his eyes of the road.

“It’s okay. the medicine is doing a great job and the string is not tight at all anymore.”

“That’s a relief,” Yuta admitted. It was a sign that they were going the right way with handling their relationship.

“What about your neck?” Taeyong hesitated for a second. “The bruises healed, I noticed.”

Yuta smiled unconsciously at the slightly guilty tone of his soulmate's voice. “My neck’s fine. The bruises wore of quite quickly, luckily. Ah the doctor said we were doing a good job as well when I called her a few days ago. She’s thinking about getting us off the medicine.”

He felt the hands on his waist tighten a bit. “That’s nice… Like really nice.”

“I know, right.”

 

* * *

 

The first thing Yuta did when they arrived at the club was dragging Taeyong to the bar and ordering four shots. At Taeyong’s questioning look, his soulmate shrugged.

“I’m planning on drinking quite a lot, so it’s better start off right away.”

“Haven’t you drunk a lot already though?”

“I’m spending my whole night with you, so I think I need some more than that.”

Taeyong let out a chuckle at that. “You were the one that asked me, remember?” and when the shots were delivered Taeyong quickly took one and downed it in one go. The strong taste of alcohol burned his throat, but it was a very welcome burn. He realized it’s been a really long time since last drank like this; with the intent of getting wasted.

“That said, I’m not that bad of a company.”

Yuta looked at him amusingly before mirroring his action with his own shot. He put the empty glass on the bar counter. “I guess not.”

After that, they stayed at the bar for a while, talking to each other comfortably. Soon enough the alcohol started to kick in and Taeyong had the feeling it was giving him trouble hearing, because the music seemed to get louder and louder, making it impossible to make out what Yuta was saying.

“Huh? what did you say?” He asked his soulmate.

Yuta rolled his eyes at him, before pointing at the shot glass. “Take that with you.”

“Where are we going?”

“Dance floor. You were going to show me your dancing skills, remember?”

“I never said that though?”

Yuta just pushed the glass in his hands and put his hands on his lower back, pushing him towards the mass of dancing people.

“True. But now you are.”

When they arrived at the dance floor, Taeyong couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. It wasn’t the amount of people that made him feel hugely self-conscious, but more Yuta's expectations. However, even though Yuta made it harder for him, he also made it easier by immediately starting to move to the music.

And Taeyong was absolutely shocked.

Because hell… Yuta could actually dance. It came as a complete surprise and it was so attractive to Taeyong that he felt a little flustered. He wanted to say something about it, but the music was really loud. Instead he opted for leaning towards the other’s ear.

“You never told me you could dance.”

Yuta smiled at him. “I know. I used to dance when I was younger, but stopped, so I didn’t think it was worth mentioning.” Then he smirked at him. “But come on, I’ve been dying to see you dance from day one. Do I need to turn around for you to actually do it or…?”

_I’ve been dying to see you dance from day one_

That was nice. It felt _r_ _eally_  nice.

Well, if Yuta wanted to see him dance so badly… Taeyong quickly downed the shot in his hand and placed it on a nearby table. Then, with Yuta’s encouraging smile in mind, he closed his eyes for a moment to let the alcohol take away his worries and to focus solely on the music.

And then he started the move. The rhythm of the music took control over his body and he opened his eyes again to see Yuta’s stare on him. Intensely, focused. Looking at nothing else but him. Taeyong loved it. He didn’t know he had longed for it this much, but he wanted all of Yuta's attention. His movements were smooth and then sharp as he tensed the muscles in his arms to make them pop. Yuta watched him with amazement, his eyes sparkling with admiration and amusement.

And god, Taeyong felt so in love, it was ridiculous.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. Their moment was gone in an instant and Taeyong stopped dancing and turned around to see a girl smiling at him.

“Hey! I saw you dancing just now and wow, you’re so good!”

But before Taeyong could thank her for her compliment, Yuta suddenly came in between. “He is, isn’t he?” The girl looked at Yuta and then back to Taeyong. Apparently she had decided to ignore Yuta because she let her hand slide down Taeyong’s arm.

“Do you want to dance with me?” She asked him. Taeyong was at a loss of words for a moment, not sure what the implications were.

“He’s not interested,” Yuta answered for him to the girl and he crossed his arms. The situation was a little tense, but Taeyong couldn’t help but feel good about it.

“Oh? I didn’t think I asked you, did I?” She shot back, looking at Taeyong expectantly. “You’re friend here is kind of a cockblock.”

To everyone’s surprise, even his own, Taeyong started to laugh. He immediately stopped laughing, however, when in one smooth movement Yuta had placed a hand on his hip while shooting the girl an icy glare. Taeyong looked at his soulmate in awe at the slightly possessive gesture. The hand on his hip felt like it burned through his shirt.

“I told you he’s not interested,” Yuta told her again and she blinked a few times before the realization set in and her mouth formed a perfect ‘O’. She quickly left and so did Yuta’s hand. When Taeyong looked at Yuta, the latter was dancing again, acting like nothing had happened. As if he just didn’t act like a jealous boyfriend.

“You really are something else, Yuta.”

A small smile appeared on Yuta’s face. “Be thankful and get me another drink, will you?”

Taeyong didn’t expect if from himself, but he obeyed his soulmate - albeit with a roll of his eyes - before walking to the bar to get them a new drink. He felt slightly fuzzy inside from the alcohol, but he reached the bar without stumbling and ordered two tequila shots. Taeyong was aware that it would probably be a bad idea, but even if he would be drunk in the end, he _knew_   that tonight he wouldn't make a move on Yuta. He _needed_ the other to make the first move in this. It would come, he was sure of that, but Taeyong needed Yuta to take the initiative in order to fully forgive himself. The last thing he wanted was to force himself onto the Japanese boy when the latter wasn't ready.

Once he received the drinks, he turned around to look at the dance floor.

Only to see a tall blond guy with his hands on Yuta’s hips from the back. A surge of irritation flooded his veins and his hands wrapped themselves around the glasses a little tighter. For a moment Taeyong didn’t know what to do. What annoyed him most of all was that Yuta didn’t seem to push away the stranger. What was his soulmate playing at?

He set one of the glasses at his lips and let the liquid enter his mouth and throat.

“You normally take that with salt and lemon,” the guy behind the bar said with an amused smile.

“I know, but I really need the taste of alcohol right now,” Taeyong shot back before heading over to the dance floor.

Quickly enough he reached the pair and when his and Yuta’s eyes met, Yuta only sent him a challenging look. He really had some nerve… However, Taeyong wouldn’t back down from a challenge. To be very honest, in some way it was thrilling as well.

The blond guy's attention was on him then and he seemed to study him. When done he sent him a smirk and that was the moment Taeyong had enough. He was done.

“You can keep your hands to yourself,” He said, disdain evident in his voice.

“Why? Yuta and I were just catching up.” Wait… Did Yuta know this guy? He looked at Yuta questioningly and saw that his soulmate was holding back his laughter. So he really _was_ playing with him. It was a relief, but it still annoyed Taeyong tremendously.

“Because,” Taeyong started while glaring straight at the other guy. “You see those golden letters on his neck? Yeah, that’s my name. So like I said, keep your hands to yourself.” He applauded himself for managing to say it in a calm way.

The other looked thoughtful. “So? Last time Yuta and I talked, he told me you weren’t together.” And then to Taeyong’s surprise the guy leaned towards Yuta’s ear. “Right, Yuta?”

What the actual fuck? Last time? How well did Yuta know this guy?

Yuta just hummed but stretched his arm towards Taeyong. “You’ve got my drink right?”

“Come and get it,” Taeyong said almost angrily, but challenging at the same time.

Yuta laughed, but instead of doing what Taeyong asked of him, he stepped backwards, letting his back meet the other man's chest. Taeyong’s hand shot forward with a dangerous glint in his eyes. When Yuta took the glass in his hands, the pink haired boy grabbed his wrist and pulled, making Yuta stumble forward, out of the blond’s hold.

They were almost chest to chest and when Yuta looked up at him, he smiled brightly. “Took you long enough,” he dared to say with a low voice and Taeyong just stared at him dumbly. Yuta was really unbelievable sometimes.

“You certainly are a pair,” the stranger remarked and Yuta turned around to face him with a smile.

“Sorry Hyunuk. I had fun though.”

“It was good seeing you again, Yuta. If he fucks up again, don’t be afraid to call me. And I’m sorry for last time. I shouldn’t have judged.” Taeyong had no idea what they were talking about, but he didn’t really like it. He tightened his hold on Yuta’s wrist.

Yuta groaned, “I said it was fine. Now go, and good luck with your upcoming exams.” The last part was said in a teasing way and the guy called Hyunuk rolled his eyes. “I swear I could kill you right now for reminding me, but I won’t since your soulmate here is glaring daggers at me." A mysterious smile appeared on his lips. "I know when to take my leave. So see you later.”

Yuta waved. “Bye.”

And then they were alone again. Or as alone you could be on the dance floor of a club.

“Oh where’s _your_ drink,” Yuta suddenly said while sipping from his own bitter liquid.

“I downed it while you were busy with another guy.”

“Ouch.” And Yuta drank the shot in one go. “That’s gross. But he’s gone now, isn’t he?” And he patted Taeyong’s chest with his free hand after he put his glass away. “It’s just you and me now.”

“Don’t you even feel a little bad for what just happened?” Taeyong asked while releasing Yuta’s wrist and crossing his arms.

“Nope,” Yuta said with a popping ‘P’. but then his eyes turned gentler and he reached for Taeyong’s arms to uncross them. Then he turned around fully, letting Taeyong face his back. The latter had no idea what Yuta was doing until the Japanese boy reached behind him to take his arms and pulled them towards him, wrapping them around his own waist.

And Taeyong forgot about all the other happenings of the night as his heart stopped for a second, only to come back beating rapidly in the next moment. Yuta’s back was against his chest and his soulmate’s warm body felt so good against his own that he gasped at the sensation. Yuta’s almost black hair tickled his face and he felt like drowning in the smell that was incredibly _Yuta_.

He couldn’t help but wrap his arms around Yuta tightly and the latter laid his hands on top of his.

They moved like that, not caring that they didn’t match the music. It was like they were in their own world. It felt like something new, yet something familiar. And even though the alcohol was drowning Taeyong’s senses, the fluttery feeling in his body was intense.

After another song like that Yuta turned around in his hold, wrapping his arms around his neck instead. Then he smiled at Taeyong, and he had to use all of his self-restraint to not kiss his soulmate right then and there.

“Dance with me,” Yuta whispered. Taeyong nodded, wanting nothing more than that. This time they _did_ move on the music, Taeyong’s hands guiding Yuta’s body. The Japanese boy let go of his neck and stepped backwards and Taeyong followed easily, pressing their bodies together once again.

They kept dancing like that, pushing and pulling, grinning like idiots. When the song ended they were panting and Taeyong could see a drop of sweat rolling from Yuta’s temple. His hands were still glued to the other’s hips and he tightened his grip, pulling Yuta towards him fully. The alcohol made his mind hazy and his movements and thoughts slower, but bolder. Their faces were awfully close. Yuta’s had, once again, wrapped his arms around his neck and Taeyong could see the desire in his eyes.

Yuta inched his face closer, but drew back again when their lips almost touched. He was looking at him playfully, a smirk on his face. Eventually, to Taeyong’s pleasant surprise, Yuta put his head on his shoulder.

“Your hands are so warm,” he mumbled in his shirt.

And Taeyong chuckled, but it sounded more like a giggle. “Your body is warm.”

“I know I’m hot, but thank you,” Yuta practically sang. Then he let out a whine. “I want to kiss, but we can’t.”

Taeyong wanted Yuta so badly in that moment.

He hummed. “I’m not going to kiss you.”

“Yet,” Yuta finished for him.

Warm flutters settled in his abdomen. “Yet,” Taeyong confirmed.

And Yuta lifted up his head and actually pouted at him. “God, I think I drank a bit too much,” he whined and Taeyong agreed. Yuta’s eyes were a bit glassy and unfocused. Not that he was feeling any better himself. The tequila had definitely not been a good idea.

“Want to go home?”

Yuta nodded tiredly. Taeyong let go of him then. With a pounding heart and blurry sight he started to make his way towards the exit, grabbing Yuta’s hand to pull him along. Yuta laughed. “Not so fast, Tae.”

When they were outside the cold air hit Taeyong’s body immediately. It was kind of like a punch in the face, but it was a nice change from the hot hellhole that was the club. Yuta stumbled to the bicycle stand, fishing the key out of his pocket.

“Uwaa,” he said when he couldn’t fit the key in the lock. “I don’t think I can ride home.”

“I walk with you.”

“Really?” and Yuta skipped over to him, sending him a sweet smile and grabbing his hand. “I'd like that.” And he started walking backwards, pulling Taeyong forward. And even though Taeyong felt like throwing up from the alcohol, he was absolutely  _happy_.

They ended up walking the right way to Yuta’s apartment complex and came to a halt in front of their destination some twenty minutes later, while still laughing and holding hands. Yuta let go and clang onto a lantern pole instead. “I had a lot of fun Taeyong. You are so pretty.” The words were slurred, but Taeyong barely noticed.

He leaned against the pole as well, feeling drawn in by the Japanese boy. “It was fun yes. But- but don’t make me jealous again.” He ran his fingers up Yuta’s side. “You need to wait for me.”

Yuta placed both of his hands on Taeyong’s cheeks and leaned in a bit closer. “I was just playing,” he said teasingly. “I like you the most. And you’re hot when you’re jealous,” he added while biting his own bottom lip. Taeyong didn’t care anymore at that moment and leaned in to kiss-

Suddenly the loud sound of a car's horn interrupted them and Taeyong looked up in annoyance. To his surprise it was a familiar blue car. The driver seat’s window rolled open and Jaehyun looked at him amusingly.

“I don’t know if you remember, but you called me to pick you up here. Let’s go, Tae. You’re coming with me.”

“Yeah yeah,” he answered with a sigh and when he looked at Yuta, even _he_ had an annoyed expression on his face.

“I don’t like him that much anymore,” his soulmate mumbled. Taeyong giggled and let go of Yuta completely to stumble towards the car. However, before he could, Yuta pulled him back by his arm and kissed his hand sloppily. “Bye Taeyongie,” he said with a wave.

Taeyong felt warmth go through his whole body at the touch. “Bye Yuta.”

And with that he reached the car and stepped in.

“If you throw up in my car, I’m going to kill you.”

“Shut up Jae,” Taeyong simply answered him while leaning his head against the window, watching Yuta walk inside the building.

 

* * *

 

“So you got wasted? With Taeyong?” Johnny asked him incredulously. It was Saturday morning and Johnny had come to check on Yuta. He was leaning against the wall while Yuta was sitting on his knees in front of the toilet.

“I did. Now leave me the fuck alone.” Yuta wasn’t in the mood for someone like Johnny to talk to him; every little sound caused a painful pang in his head. He remembered yesterday in bits and pieces and he asked himself a few times what the fuck he had done. It was embarrassing, the way he had talked with Taeyong and what stupid things he had said. It’s not that they weren't true… but just… He would’ve liked to say those things in a more sober state of mind.

He heard his phone buzz and Johnny walked towards it to check who it was.

“It’s Taeyong,” the taller mused and he let out a chuckle. “He’s saying ‘I’m never drinking again.’ This is honestly so funny.”

“Ever heard of privacy?” Yuta shot back and he stretched out his hand. “Give me that.”

When Johnny handed him his phone he bit his lip for a second when a wave of nausea went through his gut, but then he quickly typed something back.

 **Yuta:** _Tell me about it! Ugh I threw up twice this morning._

When he pressed send, his eyes grew wide. His hands flew over his keyboard.

 **Yuta:** _I’m so sorry that was totally tmi. I feel so embarrassed_

He immediately got a reply back.

 **Taeyong:** _don’t be. You’re both cute and annoying when you’re drunk_.

“Ah seriously this guy,” Yuta said out loud, earning a raised eyebrow from Johnny.

 **Yuta:** _I know how I am when I’m drunk and I’m usually an asshole. You know what. I’ll treat you to coffee on Sunday as an apology._

 **Taeyong:** _sure. I won’t say no to that._

Then another one.

 **Taeyong:** _I don’t think I said it last night, but you looked gorgeous._

Yuta blinked at his screen before a full on blush appeared on his cheeks. It was annoying how such a comment could catch him off guard.

 **Yuta:** _I’m not a girl._

 **Taeyong:** _I know. I don’t fall for girls._

And again his heart skipped a beat. In annoyance he put his phone on the tile floor and slid it away. In one night, his and Taeyong’s relationship had become something totally different. It was like a switch was turned, where both of them realized they had feelings for the other and were just waiting for someone to make a move.

Yuta had a feeling he was the one that had to take the initiative in this. Because even though Taeyong was flirting with him right now, he knew his soulmate still had his own insecurities to fight. Taeyong didn’t know it, but in his heart Yuta had already forgiven him.

Maybe he should tell him that.

“Yuta?” Johnny suddenly interrupted his thoughts. When Yuta looked up at him he was standing with his arms crossed, a serious look on his face.

“Yes?”

“Look, we saw you two yesterday,” Johnny began. “And I'm going to be honest with you, Hansol was not amused. We want you to be happy, but please don’t forget what he has put you through. I, for one, don’t really care if you end up together, because I trust you to make the right decision. I just have a feeling you’re going a little fast.”

Yuta couldn’t help but smile at his friend. He appreciated the concern. “Listen Johnny, I- I’m in love with him. It might sound stupid, but I’m just done with making everything harder than it is. I know he likes me as well and if I’m honest… I have a feeling we _will_ end up together.” He paused for a little, “I won’t forget what happened, I mean, how can I? I never want to feel like that _ever_  again. But just for once… I want this, more than anything.”

“You’re so whipped, Yuta. I barely recognize the you who was so against soulmates.” It wasn’t meant in a harsh way, but still Yuta felt a little uncomfortable at the statement. Probably because he thought the exact same. He had changed a lot after Taeyong, both in a good and a bad way. He discovered feelings he had never felt before, new sides of himself he had never known… It seemed like such a long time already, when in reality they barely knew each other for three or four months, half of it living apart.

“I’m still me. I just underestimated this whole soulmate thing a lot,” Yuta eventually admitted with a sigh.

Johnny smiled at him. “It’s okay. And Hansol will get over it as well. You know he always saw you as some sort of soulmate… If you’re happy, he’s happy and I’m happy.”

“I love you two. You know that, right?”

“Oh I know. We’re irresistible,” Johnny said while wiggling his eyebrows.

“And I already regret saying something,” Yuta retorted, but he caught himself smiling. It was short-lived, however, because immediately after saying it, nausea took control over his stomach again and he quickly bowed over the toilet again.

 

* * *

 

When Yuta walked inside the familiar café the next day and saw Taeyong already sitting at their usual spot, looking out of the window with his elbow on the table, chin in his palm, Yuta almost teared up at the familiarity. Things were so different now…

But Yuta was a manly man and he took a deep breath to get himself together before making his way towards the table. Upon his arrival he immediately sat down opposite of his soulmate.

Their eyes met and Taeyong sent him a cute smile.

Johnny was right, he was so whipped.

They fell into conversation easily and Yuta didn’t lie when he said he’d treat Taeyong, because he really did. It felt good and right and Yuta loved how Taeyong didn’t shy away from eye contact like he used to while they were talking. In fact, he felt like his soulmate tried to dig into his soul with how deep he stared in his eyes. They didn’t talk about what happened in the club on Friday though. It was obvious that something between them had changed, but maybe they didn’t feel ready to talk about it just yet.

Soon enough it was half past five. They had finished their coffees for a while now and Taeyong had trapped Yuta’s feet between his own. It made the Japanese boy feel fluttery and warm and it was done so casually that he admired Taeyong for it.

“Let’s go,” Taeyong suddenly said as he retreated his feet and stood up. Yuta was surprised.

“Do you want to go already?” Yuta asked. He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

His soulmate shot him a mischievous look. “I came by car. So, I was thinking… Want to go for a drive again?”

Yuta’s eyes lit up and he couldn’t stop the bright smile from spreading on his face.

“I’d fucking love that.”

And that’s how they ended up in Jaehyun’s car again for the second Sunday in a row. Taeyong drove to a different town this time, mainly searching for the highway to press the gas pedal a little harder than was allowed. But who cared? Yuta loved it, opening his window like he’d done before and feeling free with the person he was in love with next to him.

Even though he had just eaten pizza that Thursday, they stopped at a local Pizza Hut when the sun went down. However, instead of eating there, they took their boxes inside the car and ate them on a deserted parking lot, while listening to music and chatting some more.

“You have to eat neatly though. Jaehyun will murder me if something would happen to his car,” Taeyong said while taking a bite of one of his slices.

“You know he will smell the pizzas, right?” Yuta asked him amusedly and at Taeyong’s whitening face, he laughed. Taeyong soon joined him.

They exchanged fond smiles. After another ten minutes of what could only be described as stalling, Taeyong decided that enough was enough and that they should really be heading home, before Jaehyun would report him to the police for car theft.

It took them around twenty minutes to get to Yuta’s student residence. Once Taeyong stopped on one of the designated parking places, Yuta felt his heart drop a little. He didn’t want today to end. He wanted to spend more time with his soulmate. Being with Taeyong was like a high. It was such a contrast of how they used to be; back then their relationship was laced with negativity. Now, the positive vibes were overflowing and Yuta felt proud of it. They did this. They achieved this after all that had happened.

Neither of them said anything or made a move and he silence was almost overwhelming. Yuta took a sideway glance at Taeyong and jumped a little when the other’s eyes were already trained on him. with a trembling breath Yuta slowly moved his hand over the coupling to place it on top of Taeyong’s. the latter didn’t waste any time and intertwined their fingers.

“I’ve forgiven you for everything, you know,” Yuta said softly, squeezing the hand in his hold.

And the look that Taeyong gave him was so relieved and so tender that Yuta couldn’t even imagine him missing from his life.

“I-“ Taeyong started hesitantly as if he was scared of saying it. He still looked right in Yuta’s eyes. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Even though he kind of knew it already, Yuta still felt his heart explode in his chest, tingles spreading through his whole body at the words he had wanted to hear for such a long time. It was silent after his confession. The only thing Yuta could hear was his own heartbeat. He held Taeyong’s gaze trapped with his own. He knew what he was going to do and it made him hold his own breath. Taeyong was unmoving in his seat, but he knew it as well.

And so, Yuta shifted in his seat and leaned forward slowly, letting his eyes dart to Taeyong’s soft looking lips and back to his eyes.

He then carefully placed his lips against Taeyong’s.

There was no way to describe all the feelings he felt through that kiss. It was a mixture of love, admiration, relief and more. Yuta breathed out through his nose and kept their lips locked together. Taeyong's lips felt soft and warm against his own in the gentle touch. Taeyong initiated the first movements of their lips as he brought his hand to Yuta’s cheek tenderly. It wasn’t deep, it wasn’t lust filled, it wasn’t sensual. It was just Taeyong’s lips against Yuta’s, sharing their first serious kiss.

Yuta drew back after what felt like a fleeting moment and he couldn’t help but want to kiss him again and again.

But he didn’t.

He just swallowed once as he said his next words.

“L-let’s date seriously.”

And Taeyong looked at him, a blush on his face, his lips slightly wet and his hand still caressing his face. He nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that. A lot.”

It was out of character, but Yuta felt shy all of a sudden, realizing they just started something new like that. It had taken them a while, with more downs than ups. But they would work on that. It wasn’t perfect yet and some words still needed to be spoken, but Yuta didn’t want to think about that.

This moment was perfect the way it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwaa it honestly feels so weird writing them like this after all that angsty shit??? Like to be honest the tone of the story shifted a hundred percent. And I can’t figure out if I like it or not…  
> Please let me know your thoughts about this chapter, I’m really curious!:) and wow next chapter will be the last already;-; what to do with my life…  
> Thank you for reading as always, you’re the best<3 see you in the last chapter!  
> (I’m also working on a JaeYu prompt fill, so the first chapter of that will be up somewhere in the upcoming days!)  
> ~honEy D


	13. Escaping You Was Never Possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-;-;-;-;  
> And we arrived at the last chapter! I’ll save all my own thoughts and emotional shit for the end notes (which will be long, fair warning), but just let me thank you all real quick for all of your support and reading<33 I’ll just warn you that this chapter contains quite explicit(?) smut. I planned on writing it from the beginning, but it’s not just because I wanted to write a sex scene, but because it shows the bond between them even more<3 I won’t change the rating tho, bc it’s literally only the last chapter that has explicit content…
> 
> Without further delay, enjoy the chapter lovelies~

To Taeyong, the next few days seemed to go by in a blur. Every time he woke up there was this fulfilling feeling in his chest when he realized that he was in an actual relationship. However, Sometimes his mind would still warn him when he was thinking about Yuta.

_It’s the soulmate bond that makes you so attached_

_Your becoming too dependent on feeling loved_

 But those thoughts became less and less and Taeyong hoped that one day he could leave _all_ of his doubts behind him. It was time to focus on the positive things. Yuta had forgiven him for his wrongdoings, they had kissed and practically confessed. Yuta hadn’t told him he loved him or liked him, but the way he had looked at him in the car, the way he had kissed him and told him they should date was enough prove that the Japanese boy did.

Taeyong sighed as he put some stuff in his bag. He was nervous.

Because today he would stay the night at Yuta’s place since they had planned on spending the next day together.

Taeyong wasn’t naïve and he would lie if he said that there wasn’t a physical attraction between them. Ever since Yuta asked him to stay over, his mind had wandered to different scenarios.

And basically they had sex in all of them.

But Taeyong didn’t know if he was ready for that. The last time he had sex with someone, it ended up hurting Yuta and he didn’t want to rush into things.

Because now he had Yuta _and_ happiness, it was so easy to lose it all. He wanted to prolong this happy feeling as long as possible. But in return he was scared that, if Yuta _did_ in fact want to have sex with him and he would voice his mind, the other would find his insecurities annoying.

With another deep sigh he put his toothbrush in his bag and closed it, having gathered everything he needed.   

Suddenly his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and was surprised to see it was his mother. He quickly picked up.

“Mom?”

 _“the one and only.”_ She said and he could imagine her smiling on the other side.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate you calling” Taeyong said while sitting down on his bed, “But why the call?”

_“I want to hear my son’s voice once in a while. And you never call me, a mother can’t help but feel burdened.”_

Taeyong let out a nervous laugh at that. “Ah sorry. I really planned to call you one of these days…”

_“You’ve always been a bad liar, Taeyongie. But it’s alright. You sound different from the last time we talked. Did something good happen?”_

Taeyong smiled. He really felt like his mother was a psychic sometimes. “Actually…” he started, “Yes something, no rather someone good happened to me. I-“ and he didn’t know if he wanted to tell her. But his mother meant a lot to him and she would find out eventually anyway. “I’m in a relationship now.” He said tentatively.

_“Omo really? Ah Taeyongie that makes me so happy. Can I know his name?”_

“His name is Yuta.”

There was a little pause. _“He’s your soulmate isn’t he?”_ she said with a soft voice.

“H-he is.”

And then to his surprise his mother laughed, _“I can hear you pouting from here. I really hope he can make you happy. You deserve the world.”_ And he didn’t know why but Taeyong felt himself tear up at the words.

“I’m sorry…”

_“Oh god why are you apologizing, silly. Listen to me, if you are together with your soulmate I know you followed your heart. You always hated it so much that it scared me. I thought ‘what if he doesn’t make himself happy?’. But I’m so proud of you. Because finally you seem to have accepted someone else in your heart.”_

“O-one day I’ll introduce you.”

_“One day? You better show up on my doorstep somewhere in the next month with this Yuta. I’m not waiting for a wedding invitation to see him for the first time.”_

“Mom!” Taeyong spluttered with a blush on his face. What is she even talking about? But still an image of Yuta with a ring on his finger appeared in his mind and he felt so stupid, he wanted to hit his head against a wall. They had only been dating since last week…

She let out a laugh, _“It’s alright. I will leave you alone for today. I have a book club to go to anyway. Take care honey.”_

“You take care as well. Thank you for calling… I think I really missed hearing your voice as well.”

 _“Silly.”_ She said. Taeyong felt a fond feeling inside.

“Bye mom.”

And with that he hung up. Before he had even time to process the conversation, the doorbell rang. He glanced at the clock. Yeah… It was definitely Yuta. Time for mental preparations was over. He quickly left his bedroom with his bag in his hand and saw that Jaehyun had already opened the door for his soulmate. It was a strange sight for sure. Yuta and Jaehyun were talking and they seemed to hit it off right away. Yuta was smiling a bit nervously, but at least they got along.

“Hey…” he said awkwardly at the two and when Yuta’s eyes met his, the other showed him a small smile. “Hey, you ready to go?”

Taeyong held the bag in his grip a little higher. “Yeah, I’m all done.” Then he walked to Yuta and he had to resist the urge to kiss him in front of Jaehyun. Instead he just touched the other’s hip softly in a greeting when he passed him to stand by the door.

“So I see you Monday?” Jaehyun asked while leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Yeah I guess. Is Doyoung coming over?”

Jaehyun hummed. “He is.”

Taeyong walked out of the door with Yuta quickly following, but Jaehyun apparently couldn’t resist in adding a teasing “Have fun.”

“Oh I’m sure we will.” Yuta yelled over his shoulder.

Embarrassed, Taeyong quickly closed the door. Then he gave Yuta a stare. “You just had to say it, didn’t you?”

Yuta took a step towards him and laid a hand on his cheek, only to bring their faces together and kiss him right there. Then he patted his cheek twice before turning around and walking away.

“I did.” He said without facing him, but Taeyong could hear the smirk in his voice.

Taeyong blinked a few times, a blush on his face and a tingling feeling on his lips, before finally following his soulmate.

 

* * *

 

Yuta was excited.

Because for the first time in a very long time he brought someone to his room, without being drunk, without being desperate. No, just because he _wanted_ the other to be there and to spend time with him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous as well. He knew Taeyong was carrying a sleeping bag with him, but he couldn’t seriously be thinking that he was sleeping on the floor right?

Yuta shook his head as he opened the door of his room to let Taeyong enter first.

“You really need to clean here.” Taeyong said teasingly as he let his bag fall to the floor and a little bit of dust came loose from the ground. Yuta groaned.

“I hate cleaning and I’m not getting sick because of it, so I’m good.”

“You’re honestly so lazy.”

“And you sound like a whining housewife.”

Taeyong turned around to look at him with a raised brow. “Oh, do I now?” he said and he walked closer to Yuta, who suddenly felt at a loss of what to do when Taeyong stopped, only when they were standing face to face. It felt like Taeyong wanted to kiss him, but decided against it.

The playful mood was gone in an instant when their eyes met and Yuta was fully aware of their proximity. He gulped. Because, not only was Taeyong the most gorgeous man on the planet, but his heart was beating incredibly fast for him as well, especially now he was in _his_ room and they were alone. He was in love with this boy. And knowing that Taeyong was just as in love with him, wasn’t something Yuta had quite realized until now. The way Taeyong was looking at him, as if he was taking in every detail of his face, made Yuta feel a little self-conscious.

They kept standing like that for a while, not saying anything, waiting for the other to do something. But neither knew what to do or say. They both wanted something… but Yuta didn’t know the extent of it.

Suddenly Taeyong reached out slowly and trailed a finger along Yuta’s neck curiously, softly touching the red string adorning the skin there. Yuta closed his eyes and let out a stuttering breath at the intimate touch. It turned to a full gasp when Taeyong’s hand went to the back of his neck and the wrist where his own red string was situated brushed against Yuta’s string. A hot tingling feeling ran through his body and a shiver ran down his spine due to the sheer possessiveness of the act. He could feel Taeyong’s body jolt and heard his breath hitch in his throat.

“F-fuck.” His soulmate breathed and he pressed his wrist a bit harder against his neck, his body almost flush against Yuta’s. the Japanese boy bared his neck a bit more. It was the most unique experience he’d ever had. But there was no place for shame since their strings brushed over each other more roughly. It was like the soulmate marks were glued to each other like magnets, creating the perfect feeling in his body, such as the strings of a violin could make you hear the perfect sound when played right.

When his eyes fluttered open, Taeyong’s face was so close to his, that he could feel the heat of his face radiating on his own. His mouth was slightly open and breathed hotly against his own mouth.

He felt himself breathing heavily in return and felt his desire for Taeyong increase with every passing second. He wanted him. He needed him. And Yuta knew Taeyong felt the same way. He placed his hands on Taeyong’s hips and trailed them up his sides. When they almost reached his armpits he moved them up his chest over the fabric of his shirt, to finally bring them to Taeyong’s shoulders, leaving his arms against his chest. And all the while, Taeyong kept gasping, bringing their faces even closer so that their noses were touching and their mouth only inches apart.

It was the most intimate Yuta had ever felt or been with someone and his heart kept beating rapidly, his head spinning.

“Do it.” Yuta whispered and he felt the hands, on his waist and on the back of his neck, tighten their hold.

“I- “ Taeyong brought out. He was hesitating even now. But Yuta was sure he wanted this. He was surprised at how much he felt the need for Taeyong to take the lead. It was an unfamiliar feeling, being outgoing as he was and someone who often took the initiative. But it was like Yuta desperately wanted for Taeyong to proof how much he wanted him.

“Taeyong.” He said softly and their lips touched so softly and briefly that it was barely a peck. “Don’t hold back.” And he gripped the pink haired boy’s shoulders tightly, “Please.”

And as soon as the last word left his mouth Taeyong’s lips were on his in an instant, making both of them gasp at the contact. It was different from that time they kissed in the rain or the innocent kiss in the car. Right now their feelings were fully out on the table, present in the air. Yuta’s body reacted to it heavily, wrapping his arms fully around Taeyong’s neck and pressing their body’s together firmly.

The Korean boy cupped his face and pulled his lips on his own harder, opening his mouth in the process so that their tongues could easily slip inside and battle for dominance. In his hazy state Yuta could still notice how different Taeyong kissed him now. It was hot, it was desperate, but it was _their_ moment. And Taeyong treated it as such, kissing him deeply and pinning Yuta inside this fluttery, anticipating feeling that took hold of his whole body. Yuta couldn’t keep the wanton noise from escaping when his soulmate dragged his tongue over the roof of his mouth and grabbed his hips tightly to pull his crotch right against his own, rolling his hips right after.

Yuta felt a jolt of pleasure going from his toes to his fingertips and drew back from Taeyong’s mouth to inhale sharply. When he opened his eyes he saw his own feelings reflected in his soulmate’s beautiful and striking eyes. Even if Yuta could see a flicker of uncertainty hidden inside, he still took a step forward, forcing Taeyong backwards. His soulmate shot a glance at the recently picked up sleeping bag and he loosened his grip on Yuta’s hips ready to say something.

And Yuta wouldn’t like it.

“There’s no way your sleeping on that thing.” He whispered dangerously, trapping Taeyong’s eyes right in place.

“Yuta I don’t-“ he saw the hesitation, the fear of making the wrong decision.

“Don’t run away from this.”

Taeyong breathed in and out a few times obviously trying to calm himself down. Reluctantly he let go of Yuta to run a hand through his own hair.

“This is fucking intense, I never… I didn’t know it was like this.” He said.

“Why are you so afraid of intimacy?” Yuta asked him, “It’s new for me too, this feeling, but…” and Yuta hesitated to say it.

“But I love you, Taeyong, and I want to be with you. Like this. Like a lovesick idiot anticipating the first time.” And he stretched out a hand to grab his soulmates wrist. He held it in both hands, softly tracing his fingers over the red string and his name in golden letters. “I never felt like this before.” Yuta added softly. “I never felt the need to completely give myself to someone before. But with you.” And Yuta smiled amusingly. “with you I do, like I just want you to take me and claim me, so that I at least know you feel the same.”

“I do!” Taeyong quickly said, catching Yuta off guard. “You don’t even know what you do to me. Every time I see you, I can’t look away. I want you, I feel so fucking greedy for wanting all of you. All to myself. And it scares me because,” And there was a desperation in Taeyong’s eyes. “Because I’m afraid that fate will screw us over. I’m afraid that it will tear me apart. Our bond has _so much_ control over my feelings, Yuta. And I want you to be happy, and _I_ want to be happy with _you_.” And he gestured to both of them.

“But this. Us. It feels so _right_ , that I can’t help but feel it’s going to end in a nightmare.”

Yuta stared at Taeyong breathlessly. He didn’t expect this, he didn’t expect Taeyong to throw out his most inner fears at him like this. He swallowed. Yuta then took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Taeyong in a soft embrace.

“You need to stop thinking about fate as this evil entity out there to get you.” He whispered in his ear while going through his hair with a hand. “We already went through a lot. And it wasn’t because of fate, it was because of our own stupid mistakes. And maybe that’s the scary part, because we have full control over everything that happens. We make the decisions on our own.” And Yuta drew back to face Taeyong, pushing a few hairs from his eyes. “And right now I want to prove to you that we _will_ work. And that there’s nothing going to happen. I want to become someone you feel safe with, not be on your guard with.”

Taeyong’s arms went around him again and Yuta almost sighed in relief. He was spouting all this cliché stuff, but it wasn’t a lie.

“I already let down my guard for you.” Taeyong whispered and he put their foreheads together. “I just don’t want to hurt you again.”

Yuta trailed a finger down Taeyong’s face. “You won’t.” he said defiantly. “You changed, I changed.”

“I- I do want you, Yuta.” Taeyong admitted while letting their lips almost touch. “So much.”

“Then take me.” Yuta said boldly. “Fuck me and don’t hold back. Give me all you have.” He wanted to take away every bit of Taeyong’s insecurities. And somewhere, he felt like _he_ needed it himself as well. Yuta wasn’t without insecurities either. He had taken control over how their relationship would go in the last weeks, but in fact _he_ needed to be reassured as well. By giving Taeyong the upper hand, he had to put his trust into the Korean boy. And that was what Yuta wanted. That said… He wasn’t new to bottoming and actually preferred it, if with the right person. He wasn’t obedient nor a masochist, but somehow, the feeling of another person inside of you, was thrilling.

Taeyong’s hands slipped down to his ass and pulled him firmly against his crotch again, letting out a stuttering breath right against Yuta’s lips. And Yuta in return had trouble breathing, because it was just _so_ hot.

Yuta practically grabbed Taeyong’s face in his hands and forced his lips on his soulmate’s. His mouth opened on instinct and a new heated kiss began. Yuta let out a soft moan as Taeyong kneaded his ass with one hand, the other trailing up his back under his shirt. And another whimper escaped him when Taeyong’s mouth went lower to his neck, kissing the skin with his red string.

A shock went through his body at the contact and he steadied himself by holding onto Taeyong’s shoulders. Apparently Taeyong liked his reaction, because he nipped the skin again and Yuta lost control over his body just like that. The room spun and all he could feel was Taeyong.

“T-Taeyong.” He half whispered and Taeyong’s reaction was turning their bodies around and pushing Yuta on the bed. Then he took off his shirt and threw it carelessly on the ground. Yuta was panting heavily and watched his soulmate’s perfect body in front of him. He hesitated for a moment before sitting up and taking off his own shirt as well. he felt Taeyong’s piercing gaze on him.

“Damn it, Yuta.”

A shiver ran down his spine at the tone in which it was said. And then Taeyong climbed on the bed, his knees on the mattress. There was so much anticipation going through Yuta’s gut in that moment, that he was getting turned on already. It was silent for a moment, both unmoving.

And then Taeyong moved forward slowly and Yuta let him climb on top of him. It felt like his heart was jumping out of his chest and he could only admire Taeyong’s beauty on top of him. Of course he was the epitome of handsomeness, but the look in his eyes and the way his body moved was just as impactful.

They kissed and their bare chests touched. Yuta let himself drown in everything that was Taeyong.

His Taeyong.

The one person he couldn’t escape from. And didn’t want to escape from.

 

* * *

 

Yuta was panting beneath him with two of Taeyong’s fingers buried deep inside of him. But it wasn’t only Yuta who had trouble breathing, because Taeyong could barely get any air through as his lubed fingers moved around rather roughly in the tight and wet hole. Never before had he felt so turned on by simply fingering someone.

Yuta was gripping the sheets with his hands, trying to hold back any sounds, but it just spurred Taeyong on more as he pushed his index and middle finger inside as deep as possible.

“Fuck Taeyong.” Yuta groaned.

The fact that he had this in his hands, that he could make Yuta moan or gasp whenever he wanted, made Taeyong feel in control. And it was what he needed. Yuta trusted him and it made him feel confident and comfortable in return. Were all of his insecurities gone? No. but right now it didn’t matter. Being with Yuta like this felt like a dream and there was no way he was going to let his soulmate down.

He took his fingers out of Yuta completely, only to enter again, this time with three. He went slower inside, letting Yuta adjust to the bigger intrusion. Yuta had yelped in surprise and let out a gasp right after once Taeyong’s fingers settled deep inside of him. Taeyong stretched and spread his fingers then, making sure there would be enough space for something bigger later on.

God… even thinking about really having sex with Yuta sent his mind into overdrive. He leaned over the Japanese boy, taking the other’s legs with them. He drew his fingers back, only to push them in again roughly once their eyes met. He crooked the three digits and that was the first time Yuta let out a full moan, his back arching from the bed as his prostate was hit.

_yes just like that._

Taeyong was totally captivated by his soulmate’s reaction and pushed his finger’s inside again and again, touching the bundle of nerves inside Yuta every time. Yuta kept gasping loudly, his hands shooting towards Taeyong’s shoulders to grab the flesh tightly. His legs opened even more and Taeyong could only breath heavily while his own cock was rock hard against his stomach just by watching.

“T-Taeyong s-stop!” Yuta suddenly said and his eyes were desperate. Taeyong immediately stilled his movements, thinking he was doing something wrong.

“You okay? was I too rough?” He asked worriedly.

Yuta shook his head, his eyes lidded and a soft smile on his face. “No, but god, you really- ” and Yuta was trying to catch his breath. “I need _you_.”

The words tore a soft moan out of his own throat, in combination with Yuta’s hand thumbing the tip of his dick. Taeyong lowered his head as pleasure spread through his whole body at the soft ministrations.

Then he heard a drawer being opened roughly and some scrambling noises. When he looked up he saw Yuta holding a little package and a bottle with lube. He threw the former to him and Taeyong caught it awkwardly. Of course it was a condom. 

Anticipation went through him like a rocket and his hands were trembling badly as he tore open the package.

What he didn’t expect was the condom to fall right on the floor as he had apparently been too hasty and opened it the wrong way.

“Shit.” He said frustratingly. He was totally mortified. God what would Yuta even think. He didn’t dare to look him in the eyes as he bowed sideways to pick it up. But he was stopped by Yuta’s legs that kept him in place.

“Don’t even think about picking it up. I haven’t cleaned that floor in who knows how long and it’s _not_ going inside me.” Yuta said seriously and Taeyong could only blink at him.

But how would they…?

Nervously Taeyong drew a hand through his hair. “I ruined it, didn’t I?” he said with a low voice.

But he let out a gasp when two hands wrapped around his cock and tugged once roughly.

“No fucking way.” Yuta said with a heavy blush on his face, “I’m not stopping now. Just-“ and Taeyong knew what he was going to say. Their eyes met.

“J-Just do it without.” Yuta said while biting his lip. “I'm clean. I haven’t had sex after the last test I did.”

Taeyong’s mind came to a stop. “F-fuck Yuta.” he said while the thought of feeling _everything_ inside of his soulmate shot another jolt of arousal to his neither regions. Yuta opened the little bottle of lube and coated his own hands with the substance. Then, after gulping nervously, he reached for Taeyong's cock and started to stroke it, resulting in Taeyong's eyes fluttering closed at the pleasure and the cold of the lube. 

Once Yuta had decided it was enough he released his member and Yuta slowly lifted his feet up a little higher and hooked them around his waist. Then Yuta's gentle hands, that were still covered with a little lube, were on his chest, feeling him up sensually. Yuta thumbed one of his nipples and Taeyong let out a stuttering breath.

“I- I trust you, so I’m not worried.” Yuta continued, his voice trembling. Yuta was just as nervous, he could tell. “I might be a little… uh… t-tight though.” He stuttered out while looking away. “So go slow okay?”

Taeyong could only nod as lowered himself over Yuta, placing his arms on either side of his face. His soulmate was looking so damn beautiful and hot at the same time. He pressed their lips together as he positioned the tip of his cock against Yuta’s entrance. The Japanese boy immediately wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him closer and opening his mouth to let Taeyong’s tongue enter. It was a heated and sloppy kiss since Taeyong was putting every bit of attention to his dick slowly sliding into Yuta.

It felt fucking amazing.

Yuta let out a pained whimper in the kiss, but still he set his feet against Taeyong’s ass to push him inside deeper. Taeyong drew back from the kiss. “Y-you don’t have to force.”

“S-shut up Taeyong, fuck! Shut up!” he said and Taeyong saw Yuta’s want and desperation to get him fully inside.

And when he  _was_  fully inside of Yuta, he let out a hard gasp as an intense feeling of pleasure made its way through his abdomen. His whole body trembled at the sudden feeling and he was tingling all over. He faintly felt Yuta’s fingers dig into his back and when Taeyong opened his eyes, he was met with Yuta teary ones.

The soulmate bond was a scary thing for sure. He had never, ever, felt like _that_ before.

“M-move.” Yuta gritted out.  Taeyong could only obey, while pressing his open mouth against Yuta’s, exchanging more saliva than anything else. He drew his hips back slightly and slid in again slowly, testing if it was alright. If he was honest he would’ve liked to just push in harshly and roughly, but he had to be careful. The friction felt so good though and Taeyong let out a moan.

“Feels so good.” He said and Yuta was gasping again, digging his heels in Taeyong’s ass.

Taeyong started pulling out and pushing in again in a steady rhythm, it was full of passion and lust, but also a deeper feeling. A feeling of complete trust. Which was a scary thing to feel so early on in a relationship. But with Yuta everything was possible, Taeyong reasoned.

“I love you Taeyong.” Yuta suddenly said against his lips with a high voice. “I love you so much.”

Taeyong grabbed Yuta’s wrist and pinned them to the bed while thrusting inside hard. “Y-You don’t have to say-“

“I’m only saying it because it’s tr- Ah!” And under him Yuta arched his back, his hands struggling under his hold as Taeyong hit his prostate. He loved seeing Yuta like that, losing control and getting caught off guard by pleasure.   

 So he didn’t stop and kept on sliding in and out, making sure the bundle of nerves was hit roughly every time.

“Oh god Taeyong!” Yuta whimpered while trashing beneath him and through his own pleasure he could see Yuta’s eyes tearing up from the intensity of it all. “I think I’m- Ah _fuck”_ and Taeyong almost came right then and there, hearing the Japanese curse fall from his soulmate’s mouth. He could feel Yuta tensing up and Yuta’s tight walls constricted once around him. “Yuta…” he whispered breathlessly.

He drove into him a little faster and tried to go as deep as possible and soon he could feel the familiar built up in his abdomen as well. But surprisingly Yuta hadn’t come yet.

Suddenly, to Taeyong’s utter surprise, Yuta let out a sob at one of his thrusts. “T-Tae I can’t! hngg I can’t come if you don’t-“ Yuta was losing it completely and Taeyong felt such a deep connection between them in that moment that he choked up himself, the pleasure intensifying.

What Taeyong did next was pure on instinct as he let his open mouth drop to Yuta’s neck and sucked right on the skin and the red string on top of it. Yuta’s nails dug into his skin as his mouth dropped open, tears falling from his eyes. They were so close. So fucking close.

“Give me…” Yuta panted with desperate voice, “Give me your wrist. Now!” and Taeyong could do nothing but obey and once it was in his soulmate’s reach, Yuta grabbed his wrist with the red string around it tightly and brought it to his own mouth.

A broken “Yuta” fell off Taeyong’s lips against his lover’s skin as an intense surge of pleasure wrecked his body. And that touch alone was enough to tip him over the edge as he came hard inside Yuta. his body shook and kept shaking and everything became white before his eyes. Somewhere he heard Yuta sob and something wet on his stomach, but he could only feel and focus on the waves of his orgasm.

When the pleasure slowly subsided, Taeyong opened his eyes and he noticed that his lashes were wet from unshed tears. He had completely fallen on top of Yuta and when he lifted his head he saw the other looking at him through lidded eyes, a thoroughly fucked expression on his face.

It was so damn attractive.

With all of his strength he rolled off of Yuta, his soft dick slipping out of his soulmate’s hole. The latter let out a displeasing sound at that and Taeyong saw that he really had difficulties keeping his eyes open.

He himself was panting and he felt completely drained of energy. He reached out to Yuta and removed a strand from his sweaty forehead.

“You okay there?” he asked with a raspy voice.

Yuta turned to him and nodded. He scraped his throat. “Hm yeah I think I am. Are you?”

“I guess so.”

Silence.

“Fuck Taeyong, did you want me to die or something.” Yuta suddenly said to him tiredly, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s chest. the Korean boy felt his heart flutter. But he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at his words.

“I didn’t know it was like this.” He said truthfully. “Shouldn’t we have a shower though?”

“Are you going to carry me to the public shower?”

“No…”

“Then leave me for a moment. I’ll clean up with a few tissues in a minute.” Yuta’s voice was shaky and Taeyong saw him wipe his face with the heels of his hands. The Korean boy caressed Yuta’s waist in a comforting manner.

“I’ll clean up. You look like you can’t even stand.” He whispered to him. Yuta just smiled and shook his head. “Says you. God you look so fucked right now Tae” he said while bringing his head closer to his, “You have no idea how sexy you look.”

Taeyong felt a blush rise up his cheeks at the words and sudden deep emotions went through his mind while looking at his lover, his soulmate, his Yuta. He needed to let them out.

“Taeyong?” Yuta asked confusedly at the sudden change in his expression, but Taeyong just looked in his eyes as deeply as he could at his next words.

“I love you Yuta. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize, that I had to put you through so much pain before we could have this. I want to get to know you more.” And he pressed their lips together softly before drawing back again, “And I want you to know me more as well. The feelings I have for you… I don’t think anything could have forced these on me.”

His words were genuine and the look of utter happiness that appeared on Yuta’s face after hearing it, with his bright smile and twinkling eyes, made Taeyong aware of the fact that he could have never escaped Yuta in the first place.

 

-THE END-

 

* * *

 

BONUS: The Morning After

 **Jaehyun:** _In case you’re getting laid today. Be warned. The first time is fucking intense._

 **Taeyong:** _Well your warning came a bit late. Does fate want to kill me jfc. Is it like that all the time?_

 **Jaehyun:** _ikr I think I cried back then, it’s no joke._

 **Jaehyun:** _no it wears off after a while. It’s basically only the first time._

“What are you doing?” Yuta asked with a yawn as he peeked over Taeyong’s shoulder, trying reading the messages. They were both still lying in bed after what had probably been the most intense night of Yuta’s life. he was also tired and incredibly sore.

But also incredibly happy.

“I needed advice?” Taeyong half asked, half said, as he turned around in Yuta’s hold to face him.

“For?” Yuta asked with a raised eyebrow.

“To know if I can fuck you again without feeling like I just ran a marathon and crying like a baby.” It was said in a serious way and Yuta felt a shiver run down his spine. The things Taeyong could make him feel…

“Oh.” He just said.

“But it’s all good.” Taeyong said with a grin as he put his phone away. He wrapped his arm around Yuta’s waist and slowly trailed his fingers downwards. “So? What do you say, Yuta?” he whispered.

“T-Tae…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so we really reached the end of Escaping Fate. I hope you thought it was a worthy finale:) I purposely wrote the most in Taeyong’s POV, because I think he needed to be convinced of their bond the most. I’m not really good at writing smut, but oh well I did enjoy writing it LMAO. It’s a shame that the story ended, but I’m also ready to work on other stories!
> 
> I almost can’t believe it! I never expected that I could write and finish a multiple chapter fic. I just thought, hey let’s try it and it turned out to be better than expected. Where I first started with chapters with 3k words, they expanded to 5k to 6k and even 7k words. I also felt like, along the way, my writing style became a lot better, as well as my English (since it’s not my first language).
> 
> Honestly thank you all so fucking much for all the kudos and comments, but also for all the bookmarks, subscriptions and hits. I really appreciate all of you, the anonymous readers too of course. I never expected it to get over 300 kudos and so many hits, it really means the world to me. This story was really an escape for me<3  
> To all the commenters: I enjoyed reading your thoughts about the chapters a lot. Each and every one of them made me smile and made my heart beat a little faster. (I’m not exaggerating things, I’m honestly an emotional human being.
> 
> I would love to know your final thoughts on the story or just on this chapter in a comment. As always I’ll answer them!  
> THANK YOU!<3  
> ~honEy D | [my twitter](https://twitter.com/softyukkuri)


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